So Long to SL Machinima/My Old YouTube Account

As most everyone knows or has noticed - I haven't done videos in SL in well over a year now. I used to get a kick out of making videos and stretching my editing muscles, but those days are over.

It started with filming peoples' weddings, then moved on to other projects - but I no longer have interest in such things. As a matter of fact, SL itself has pretty much served its purpose for me. Will I be leaving SL? Hell I only log in now to talk to friends every now and then as it is.

About 7 months ago some random person I don't even know had posted a video response to an old video of mine. Before allowing it as a response I viewed their video and wasn't too impressed. I understand that with hobbies and even real work that when you start out you're no good. I mean hell, Keith and I weren't that great when we started out either. He had video editing knowledge but unfortunately SL lacked the ability to give us the results we wanted. Anyway - I am off track.

So this person's video was of them dancing in a single animated loop for about 5 minutes to a song. Typical youtube video on most accounts, really. Since I didn't feel their video was an actual response to me - I didn't allow it to be marked as a video response. They took it upon themselves to say something like "All I was doing was showing you how much better these new dances are compared to the ones you showed". Fine. Still, it wasn't what I would consider an actual video response.

Over the course of a few weeks (about 3) all their friends were sending me nasty messages on YouTube which I chose to ignore. I had critiqued their video after being harassed saying "Hey next time try putting in some transitions or at least do more than one animation" - which I find to be a very NICE critique considering the content. Apparently giving anyone your opinion when there is room for improvement is a bad thing and this should never be done.

The nasty messages on YouTube continued until I decided to not allow comments, replies or ratings and put a big long rant in the description box which ended with : I understand that not allowing comments, ratings, or replies ruins the entire spirit of what YouTube, SecondLife and Machinima is all about - but I refuse to be harassed over something so juvenile. Way to go shebaspyker &co. Way to ruin it for everyone.

Today I logged into SL to talk to my RL friend Stef and recieved an offline saying (and I'm paraphrasing):
Your little rant on YouTube has really upset my girl Sheba. She doesn't dictate me or tell me who to go off on or anything like that. I don't know who has been contacting you and caused you to go off on this rant - and I don't know the laws in the UK but in the US you can be sued for slander for publishing comments about someone. I'm contacting YouTube and they'll probably delete your account.

I was going to respond to this .. um .. guy (I'm being way too nice) but decided to just put him on ignore. After sitting and thinking about it a while I decided to just delete my YouTube account myself. There are lots of reasons I did it - their harassment not really ranking very high - but if it'll save me a few minutes of telling strangers to "go back to your Gorean RP and stop being so butthurt over the fact that your friend makes shitty videos" then that's a bonus.

My live has evolved beyond SL. I joined SL as a lost 24 year old looking for an escape from the small town life I was trapped in. I found that escape and I relished it. I lived for it in a lot of ways. I was able to express myself in ways that I couldn't do beyond dying my hair purple and causing everyone in town to stare at me. Then I met Keith.

SL then evolved from fun pasttime to vital means of communication to a way of being physically close to someone when it wasn't actually physically possible. As most know, we're now married (just celebrated our 2yr wedding anniversary in March) and have the means of being actually physically close.

We started making videos in SL as a way to fund trips between Illinois and Missouri and thought it was rather 'cute' that we did so by filming other people's SL weddings. Because of all those weddings we were able to save up money to travel to see each other for 3 years before I made the big move after he had finished Basic Training and had been stationed in Oklahoma. The money we made from those videos allowed me to move to Oklahoma and afford things while we figured out exactly what we were going to do next.

Now that we don't need the money from making videos - we don't make videos. Not only do we not need the money but we also don't need the stress. Getting up at 2am to film a 3 hour wedding then turn around and spend 2 hours editing it to upload it - all for about $40 is just not worth it.

Will I still make videos in SL? Maybe, but it will be a leisure activity. Will I dedicate an entire YouTube channel to it again? No. I already have another YouTube account which I planned to post things like my nail art designs and maybe do some makeup tricks - but I won't do the whole SL thing again. Like I said - SL and SL Machinima have served theirpurpose for me and I think its more than time that the torch be passed to someone else.

I've tried for years to mentor those that were interested in making machinima. I love talking to people who are so eager to learn that I feel that my opinion is actually valued. I really love it when people ask me "How did you do that?!" but I don't feel that SL Machinima is my 'thing' anymore. I guess you could say I've just lost the passion for it.

I blog about SL on TheRev - but I never feel that my opinions on anything are valid. Why? A combination of things. I've been in SL so long that most of the people who are 'respected' or whatever don't even know WTF I talk about when I talk about anything that was 'big' or was going on in SL before like .. 07. I also feel like I'm not in SL or up to speed on things that are going on in SL like I used to be, and therefor have no real business in talking about SL. Some people eat, drink and breathe SL (and I used to be one of them!) but I've just moved on.

So in short - my SL videos that used to be on my YouTube account no longer exist. I deleted everything as a nod to myself that 'Yes, its definitely time to move on. Whatever that was, it isn't you anymore.'

As for my nail art/beauty/health/makeup blog thing - once I get that rolling I'm sure I'll post the info here somewhere.

Serious Case of Neglect

So lately I've really been neglecting my blog - and I feel horrible about it. I hope no one hotlines me for it :( Since my computer died I've been left mourning it and this laptop as nice as it is and as convienent as it is really leaves one for wanting. I get like .5 FPS in Second Life - WoW runs slightly better ... but its really just a pain. While Keith is at work I use his beast of a machine - but when he's home I'm stuck with this contraption. It isn't comfortable to type on either, really. Geeze why am I whining? At least I have something, right?

Keith actually posted a rant on his blog that I totally agree with. Not to mention I've already flown off on a tangent or two about it on my own blog. I'm slowly SLOWLY learning to let things go - even if I do get a twinge of anger over it. I'll narrow my eyes and mumble "Damn. It." but no more random rants where I talk for like 5 minutes and say variations of the word 'fuck' 93849283 times.

Not sure if we're gonna take any kind of trip this weekend or not. I am about to put our London pics on Flickr for those that look at our pics, anyway. I know his family checks my blog and our flickr accounts often so we try to keep everything up to date. My family couldn't be arsed to open a URL to see what I'm up to - so I mostly keep track of everything for my own benefit and for a few friends back in my hometown.

I plan to start shooting a few videos probably next month - all fun and no profit. And y'know I don't care if some hack with Fraps used a song I wanted to use (Jelly knows who I'm talking about)... I'll still use it. Why am I like 'that'? "OMFG they used what I wanted to use ... and now everyone is going to compare A to B because they put theirs out first yet I had the idea I just never got around to it till now. NOW I can't use that song/theme!" Seriously I need to chill.

And I read somewhere that Anne Rice went all 'Born Again Christian' and I think that's the biggest slug to the chest. She wrote the most in depth novels that were both darkly romantic yet chilling ... and now she's "Writing for Jesus Christ". I'm hurt. I don't know what to say.

With that, friends - I will just leave you with a song of the day :) The song is: They Weren't There by Missy Higgins (I love this girl!)




Lyrics:

You breathed infinity into my world
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.
Then you said, 'wait for me we'll fly the wind,
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him' but oh,
Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of
Any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand
And led through fields of naked land
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say 'no'.

You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,
I wouldn't say 'no'. But they all said, 'you're too young to even know,
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him'
But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say 'no'.

I'm thinking of using it for an Anniversery type Video for Keith in like ... ohhhhh march? lol

Watching isn't as much fun as DOING

Went to the dentist Friday and she filled a small cavity I've had for probably two years but never noticed ... anyway so she's filling up every cavity I have no matter now small. I shouldn't complain .. but its still the dentist! But she's a really nice lady and it isn't painful.

While I was getting shots and drills in my face Keith bought a new game for the 360. They were out of DDR pads so he hasn't gotten ME a game yet (I also want Guitar Hero II but he says they lock up) so yet again 'm stuck sitting here and just watching him play video games.

I kinda took matters into my own hands and have started a Lineage II download. Yeah I could have gone back to WoW but I didn't really want to. I know all the quest lines and crap. I'm sure its going to suck playing on a Laptop but it shouldn't be THAT bad. I mean .. I played WoW on this laptop for months.

I have a wedding to film tonight - another to do tomorrow ... and I decided to just rent a plot of land instead of buying the one next to "the one that used to be next to Jelly". I didn't want to be stuck with land if I wanted to sell - so I thought renting would be the best way to go. keith was sitll all 'WTF" about it but meh. Its really cut out a lot of time that I WAS spending in Second Life - and at the same time notecards are still getting distributed. So the moral is: I Win.

So I'm anxiously waiting for Lineage II to download since I haven't had a game I enjoy playing for the last 4 months or so. I quit WoW for CoH/CoV cuz Keith didn't want to pay for both -- but then I quit CoH/CoV cuz I didn't like it. And if I dont' like Lineage I'll just go back to EverQuest or something. What can I say? I'm a dork for MMORPGs [shrug]

WHY OHHHH WHYYY! Oh the HUMANITY!!!!!

Alright so as most know I have been saving up to buy a lil plot of land. I'm up to a little over 9k now (I've started splitting profit from the wedding videos ... Keith doesn't know YET) and have oooh about 30K to go.

I already hate it. I hate not spending any money!! All these designers are putting out shit I want so I just sit .. stare at the pics .. sigh .. then walk away. I've never really been a shopper. I don't even change clothes more than once a week ... but when I want something I normally get it. But now? Now that has been taken from me ... by .. me!

I don't really care if I don't have a new skin, and I don't really care if I don't have new clothes - I could use some new hair - but y'know I doubt if I'd even wear the new hair much. I pretty much just stick with the same few hairstyles honestly.

Alright so I still have a long way to go in order to get any land .. then after that I have to buy a prefab. I was going to buy one a few weeks back - but now I'm glad I didn't after seeing how common it is in SL. HOWEVER: I do still really like that prefab and may still get it anyway. Why shouldn't I? If I changed my hair/clothes every time I saw someone else with the same outfit on I'd never have the same shit on for more than a couple hours at most.

The 'semi downside' to the land I want is that its next door to JellyBean and HawksRock and I really think they'd prefer their privacy - but GOD its such a nice sim! And fairly cheap! And its soooo quiet! So I've really got some thinking to do. I'm sure by the time I save up that 40k that the plot I want will be gone so the 'me being respectful of space' issue won't be an issue ... but the issue will be more of me keeping the reigns tight on myself so that I don't spend what I've saved!!! Its so hard though!

I guess my problem is that I read too many blogs so I see all this shit the designers put out and I go "ooooooh" and "Ahhhhhh" then suddenly I go "Wahhhhhhhh" because i remember that I'm SAVING. It'll all be worth it in the end, right?

Song of the Day

Where'd You Go by Mighty Mighty Bosstones


Keith loves that song ^^

PILLAGE!

Alright .. so my computer took a huge shit. I really think little gnomes snuck in over night and trashed it because .. well .. its just cooler to think of it that way. It was a small group of about 20 that went all John Wallace on my 'puter. Whatever! FREEDOM! Ffs. So yes, its toast.

Thankfully last year Keith and I bought this laptop to tide me over until we could make it to Missouri in order to gather the rest of my crappy belongings otherwise we'd be fighting over who's turn it is.

The upside is now we get to build MY computer .. the downside is that I have to wait until he goes to work to use his .. or just use this laptop. Luckily all the weddings I've booked are scheduled for when he's at work so there's no problem there.

He did however receive an e-mail from a 'fan' that is now offering wedding videos in SL. Okay so fans emulate that/those which they are a fan of. That's nothing new - but the fact that she was all like "Bebop Vox is my most favorite person ever -- but this is for those just wishing to capture a simple memory" .. Wow there's so much shit I want to say but I'll just leave it be. He keeps telling me things like "Who cares?! Let 'em do whatever they want. We have almost three years of a reputation behind us - they can't hold a candle to that." And he's right. I really need to stop being so competitive over this kinda thing.

I guess since I work so hard on everything that I just see it as a slap to the face. Not only what she said - but how she's gone about it. She's gone from being a mere fan, to making her own laggy ass videos, to now mimicking the business that he and I have spent three years building from nothing. Makes me wanna pillage! But, I have to be civil because as everyone knows there will come competition in any business - and you just have to rely on your own quality of work to bring you out ahead. And though I have complete and TOTAL faith in both his work and my own - it still grinds my gears. I'm petty like that, I guess?

The machinima thing has been a full time job for me for almost two years now. I'm constantly working, networking, researching, experimenting ... and Keith does too (though he's far more efficient with it) and it just makes me want to slap someone sometimes when my toes get stepped on is all. Of course I never do - but that doesn't mean I don't think about it!

I remember a time when all the designers used to feel the same way. They'd get all pissy when someone released an outfit similar to theirs etc and it kinda bothers me that I'm doing the same thing ... but at the same time my overly competitive nature won't let me just 'let it go' but I'm really trying this time. I know for a fact that my SL business is secure, but that doesn't mean that I'M secure, does that make sense?

It took over a year to convince folks "Hey Bebop isn't EVERYTHING" and to allow me to film or edit their wedding videos. I actually had to edit them secretly then let HIM break the news to them before I got any form of 'cred' on the machinima circuit. Even though I stood on my soapbox for MONTHS shouting "I am NOT riding his shirt tails, people!" it didn't matter. Now that I've established myself as a director, editor etc - this 'new kid' has really just rubbed me the wrong way. In a way it makes me want to bust my ass double time in order just to say "Nyah nyah" but I know that's immature. Why do I have to be so immature!?!

Alright so I'm just going to keep doing what I always do - which is just be a bit bitchy about it, then slowly rebuild my self esteem even if it may be for the wrong reasons. Spite is a powerful thing, my friends!

What I'd Really Like to Say:

I'll say it again tho (and I know she doesn't read my blog but ..) people pay for our service for a reason. We don't shoot bad angles. We don't have laggy footage (oh god we'd better not after all the money we spent on Keith's computer) and we don't use noob transitions. We pay for our software, and we're cinematic. We have never just slapped footage together and said "There you go! That's your video" (with the exception of JellyBean's wedding back in like 05 - we were noobs) and I really need to stop worrying so much about those that do.

Having FRAPS, Windows Movie Maker and some spare time doesn't mean you're BAMF. Sure, you can compete all you want to - and even though it bothers me - I welcome it. No I'm not a total bitch and I've even mentored a few people so as to make their videos better --- BUT --- none of those people whom I've helped have stepped on my toes as far as wedding videos in SL. Maybe I'm just too damn protective? I'm really not sure.

I have 4 weddings in the next 7 days. Not to mention there are some already booked for September. And damn I still feel bad at directing this ENTIRE post to that ONE girl who will probably NEVER see this - but I really want to get it 'out there' and Keith wont' let me talk to her to do it. He thinks its stupid and that I should just laugh at her while I cash out Lindens. I probably should - but damn! DAMN!

/What I'd Really Like to Say

Okay - I guess I'll go play Neopets or something in order to cheer myself up by looking at cute cartoon animal things and while playing games aimed at adolescents that I still can't beat :( I suck.

Song of the Day

Go to Hell by Milk Inc

Relationship Retards

edit: I had a lot posted but decided to save it for a Mean Girls post

I was hanging with a long-time friend of mine when his chick logged in and kicked me off the land. What a fucking twat waffle. Not only has she failed to meet me the entire time their avatars have been a couple - but she failed to read that whole profile thing. Cuz ya know - reading is for stooopid pepole.

He was embarrassed and was apologizing for her, I was threatening to give her a verbal piece of my mind ... and it was all just shitty. She was soo jealousy of my midget, purple loving, cig toking, no sock wearing, fat ass. It was really funny to me, but at the same time it pissed me off and really offended me that anyone would be jealous of their man hanging out with me. In a way it felt like a round-about stab at my own relationship and marriage. I was like "Oh are you saying that even though I'm disgustingly devoted to my husband and I practically worship the chairs his cute ass sits in ... that I would even give your guy a chance? Get fucking real." But again, I'm sure I take things in completely the WRONG way as per the usual.

I sent Keith to work last night with a Tupperware container full of brownies for the guys in his squadron .. and he came back home with two. I guess they liked them! See even though I don't think I'll ever be 'THAT Air Force Wife' I am still an Air Force Wife - and I still do house-wifey things. Even though I don't go to their events, and I don't go to the market with the other wives, and though I don't offer to babysit their kids -- I still like the guys Keith works with. And I"m so so grateful they've been so accepting of him and so damned professional. Its really taken a lot of strain off our personal lives now that he actually likes going to work every day.

So yes, Mean Girls post tomorrow I'd say. I've been thinking on it since last night - so yeah soon. I'm going to stop being so methodical on my posts and just let it rip.

Today's Song of the Day is brought to you by High Contrast and the song is If We Ever.

High Contrast is a bad ass lil outfit that does some of the sickest D&B tracks I've ever heard.

Jelly's Rezday and Stuff

I went to Jelly's rezday party just as soon as I was finished with film related IMs (I had let the time get away from me so I was about 45 mins late) and was really sad to see a lack of faces. I wasn't able to wish Akasha a happy rezday yesterday cuz I think my friends list was broken even then. Lots of folks didn't come out that I figured would (cough Rosie cough) but fun was still had by all.

I still can't believe she whipped out the old ass mobile club and people were diggin it ROFLPONY omg I was just cracking up. It was great.

Kitty Lalonde and I decided that we are soul mates and that we need to take a honeymoon together where we will dance like retards waving guns and swords while shouting "ALL UR PRIMS R BELONG TO US" .. wearing only torn nylons and smoking cigarettes. Okay so I added some of that in just now and she hasn't agreed to the full terms of service .. but she's already signed a user agreement (aka - accepting friendship).

At any rate its almost 4pm - I am really pissy that snapzilla didn't accept any of the photos I attempted to take last night at the rezday celebration .. but what can ya do?

As far as Real Life goes - my husband is in there snoring away (he's been working nights) and going with my moodiness I'm all 'rawr' because he hasn't given me praise over the wedding I edited .. OR pet me for lining up all these filming gigs. I want my moment in the god damned sun, Keith!

And I think I need to post another Song of the Day. Why? Because its a song of the DAY ... duh. That and I always feel the need to expose open eared people to the tunes I like.

Lil Backstory: I've been listening to this band since I found a CD of theirs at the local record store in 1999 and wet myself a little when I heard one of their songs in an episode of Buffy (I used to sooo love that show .. must remember to buy season DVDs). At any rate - I love her voice. Its so .. emotional and I like how every song has a different feel. Like Virgin State of Mind is really really trip hoppy whereas this one is kinda acousting rock/ballad like. The lyrics are always darkly sarcastic, and of course I dig the hell outta that.

Almost Happy by K's Choice

If I could look beyond your face
And photograph your hidden place
Would I find you smiling in the picture

I don’t know what you want
Because you don’t know,
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

Far too many ways to go
We learn so much but never know
Where to look
Or when we should stop looking

I can love the whole of you.
The poetry I stole from you
And hide inside my stomach

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

It’s easy to get lost in you
And fall asleep inside of you
I want to return to you
A reason to be here
A reason to be here

No I don’t know what you want
And you don’t know
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

Blargh!

Okay I took down the layout I was working on and put the old one back up because I've felt uninspired, I guess and don't want to work on a new one like I thought I did.

Lots of Second Life weddings going on so I've been filming my booty off - but I don't mind it. Like I've said - it keeps me from having to flip burgers. And regardless of what anyone says - even if it is a video game ... working in a video game is work just the same. Its hard to not let yourself get distracted by IMs or even random games on websites (or constantly reading blogs >.>) while you're working. I've just found that if I lay out a work schedule for myself that I tend to stick to it. It also helps if I get my ass around and put on normal clothes. Of course I have my days when I romp around in sweats - but even changing from my care bear pajamas to sweats is usually enough to kick me into gear ^^

Keith and I haven't gone on any outings - and that's because he was on night shift this week so we had to adjust our sleep schedules. I have a wedding to do this Saturday but we're going to market on Sunday to see what goodies we can find. I'm realllly hoping to make it to the beach before the middle of August - but you never can tell. And if not it isn't a big deal - there will be other times.

Not much has been going on socially. Keith gets along well with all the guys at work - which is a HUGE change from the redneck/frat boy mentality of all the guys at the last base. He's just not that kind of guy. At any rate - the guys he works with now - he fits in perfectly with them and thats great :D I'm glad to finally see him so happy to go to work instead of dreading it.

I'm still fighting with this friggin' phone. I don't know why I can't recieve calls .. so I'll have to call BT tomorrow to see if I've done something wrong in registering the handset to the hub (the phone works off a router of sorts) or maybe just get someone to come out and do it for me. Its quite frustrating!

Tonight I've decided that it was going to be random fun night in SL and that I'd hang with the homies and maybe film for the sake of laughing at it. No special tricks - no hard core editing ... just more of a memoir of humor I 'spose.

I know I said I was going to do a new layout but so far I just haven't gotten to it. I will sometime soon - but not yet.

I was a bit sickly the past couple days, but I'm pretty convinced that it was a coupling of having no sleep and not eating right. Today I've felt a bit better, though a little knackered. I'd think within the next couple of weeks I should have new stuffs going here.

Getting things together in order to post for Mean Girls has been a breeze for me so far. No I'm not posting on the most 'controversial' things but I'm posting on things that bother me or I feel should be at least acknowledged by someone other than me!

Garbage totally revamped Appearance Mode and in case no one noticed he booted out like everyone. Not that it mattered cuz I had kinda stopped posting over there due to being buried faster than Anna Nicole could eat a Xanax. But now its gone from Sasy being the only one that posts to Garbage being the only one. Have fun with that, I guess. Being kicked out without a word - not even so much as "Kiss my ass" has left me a bit bitter. Could've at least notified me somehow, Garb :( I mean seriously.

So far I think I've really fit in with the Mean Girls crowd. I've already known most of 'em (save for Laylah) for almost two years. I'm not the nice one (Rosie) but I'm not the one everyone wants kicked off the island (Laylah :P) but I'm somewhere in the middle which surprises me after the backlash from my "caLLie coNUNdrum" post I did.

Keith and I are still doing weddings and filming and editing our asses off. Okay so its been mostly him but what can I expect when in competition with his reputation? Of course people will go around me to get him to film their wedding ... even though it really makes no difference. BAH whatever.

My days lately have been spent in SL just visiting wedding sims and trying to get note cards out to peeps in hopes of booking some video gigs. I guess its been a slow time for weddings or people either don't know that we film and edit weddings - or they are just letting their friends film/edit? I dunno but people c'mon. We spent 5k on his bad ass computer. Let us USE it! Right now the money made from weddings is going to be used to buy ME a bad ass computer so people won't have any reason to 'doubt' me. I can get good FPS in order to film now - but I would get Bebop Quality with a better computer (which I WILL get, dang it.)

SL has really gotten boring for me aside from a few small perks. I bought a cute wand/staff thing from Abigail Horton's shop and its served as a great means of entertainment. The downside is .. when I'm out in public all those shirtless guys with ponytails are all like "Oh you bad girl out without your collar on." I' all like "Fool I'm not a slave - I'm a wizard!" Bah. Whatever.

At any rate - I've been working in SL to either turn acquaintances into friends - or just get rid of the acquaintances all together. Or am I just being all menstrual emo? Who knows.

Second Life Wishes I Were Cooler

SL keeps crashing and kicking me out as if I were the nerd trying to set at the prep table during lunch. And ya know its really a good thing I don't have rejection issues otherwise I might be all emo right now.

My Big Mouth

Quite a bit has gone on, but I don't want to divulge too much information only because I can't follow up right now. I could post here bout things - but then other stuff won't have links for reference and blah blah so I'll hold off. I will give clues though:

• It Involves Second Life
• It involves blogs
• It invilves web sites
• Definately involves typing on someone's end

And there you have it!

Hopping the Pond

For those that haven't seen much of me in game lately its again because Keith and I have been running around finishing paperwork so that we can leave next Thursday. Yes the time has come boys and girls.

I spoke to the passport office on base and they firmly believe that my visa will be back in time for us to leave so that's a little stress off my shoulders. Everything is still pretty hectic though so if everyone could/would just bear with me for another 4 weeks or so everything should equal out and I'll be sane once more.

Right, well I think that is all for now. Lunch is in the oven n.n

*Click pictures for enlargement*

I Don't Kiss Ass

Most everyone knows that. Whether it be in an online world or the real world, this girl doesn't kiss anyone's ass. Not to say that I pretend to be high and mighty because I don't. I'm not a fan girl whatsoever.

Even in my reviews on Appearance Mode I always give special attention to things I don't like or just downfalls to things, but there are always upsides to stuff. This entire post is ode to downfalls and just flaws that could easily be fixed - but haven't been. And maybe by the end if I feel relieved to get all this aired I will start listing off a few pluses ^^

I fell victim to over-photoshopped ads, and lighting shadows and now have a serious case of buyer's remorse. Let me explain:

Where it all Began

For months now I have been on the prowl for a neko skin that isn't overrun with spots or stripes which make me look like either an emo cutter or have full body herpes, and that was mostly purple or at least had a lot of purple therein (Sorry but purple is my 'thing' - always has been).

When it comes to skins of any kind I don't mind dropping some decent cash because hey - you get what you pay for, right? Cheap skins almost always have huge flaws or just aren't as detailed or as good looking as that [ND] skin that costs twice as much. Now there are times where products are just overpriced - but as a consumer its your duty to know the difference between quality and stupidity. I have faith!

At any rate - I searched and searched for neko skins. Helyanwe's place had advertised them, but I didn't find them. I swear I looked allll over - but I just didn't see any neko skins. I could have gotten a little ADD but seriously I saw nothing that could constitute as anything other than just a 'skin'. As much as I've always liked Helyanwe's stuff (ever since I had that huge corkscrew hair that could put an eye out) I didn't want a normal skin. Neko neko neko!

I had remembered a little shop where I had once bought piercings that I used to mod my Anisa neko ears and remembered that they had skins. The name? Hybrid Street. For a moment I even remembered seeing neko skins .. but I tried to contain my excitement until I got there. Finally after all this time .. I stood to be a proud purple neko.

Arrival

I was bombarded by half nekos. The ones that wanted a "Josie and the Pussycats" headband but didn't want to go all out. The ones with the schoolgirl outfits that looked like they were straight out of Cool Devices (Yeah shut up I know what hentai is - not to mention plenty of other things <.<) or sommat.

Anyway - the skin wall is slightly hidden but I found it after I made my way around the soon to be nekos hovering around the 'everything you'll ever need to be a horse/bunny/mouse/kitty' I got to the skin wall and was absolutely floored to see a skin with nice spots that I could modify to make them purple. Could this really be true? As a longtime shopper I bought a demo for 1L. I stripped down naked in the store (save for my boots) and began to analyze. Days of avatar modesty are long gone when it comes to skin shopping, damn it.

So I'm checking out the demo and the only downfall I saw was the huge lips. I'm talking Naomi Campbell after botox sized lips. Meh not a huge deal I could alter my shape a little if I really wanted to skin. Then I made the sim time noon so I could have full light and look the skin over. Everything seemed to check out. I checked the tit shading to be sure it didn't look like I had put my boobs in a big suction hose. I checked the ass shading to be sure it didn't look like I had forgotten to wipe. I didn't check the cooch cuz I really don't care if my skin has bits or not. Boob shading is important because of tank tops - twats are never important to me.

When I was inspecting the back I saw seams on the arms. I thought "Is this just a 'demo' thing?" because often demons are just to give you an idea - they aren't exact replicas. I checked the ad to be sure that it was just a rez flaw or a demo bug. Here's the ad:

Hrm no arm flaws in the add. So I dumped my 950L into the skin. I put it on in the store while wearing a short sleeved 'untucked' shirt from Form, jeans, and some long messy hair. Like every girl I change clothes on a whim and did the same on this day, and to my horror.

Euphoria Comes Crashing Down

There are so many flaws with this skin. At first I thought "Oh its just me" or "Its just my computer" until Bebop looked at me on his computer. I peered over at the screen and simply said "Fuck. Me." I just wasted 950L (which is only like $4USD) on this item that I will never wear again.

Me wasting 4 bucks doesn't bother me. Its the fact that there are tons of people who go to that shop every day and waste 4 bucks - which adds up! So this designer is making at least something off their leet ad photoshopping. Here are the flaws on the skin:

Ring Around the Collar

There is a very crisp, very clear line around the neck/throat of the skin. In the add you'll see she wears a collar. This flaw was not apparent on the demo skin nor in the ad. The face is a totally different color from the chest. Just lookit that line!

Worse than pit stains

Down the backs of the arms there is a very clean seam that shows where the patterns almost match up ... but not quite. Granted I am not a skin maker - but most, nah I'll say 95% of the good skin makers have seamless skins. There are a few old skins that have a seam or two - or some bad shading. The lines on this thing are so noticeable I can't believe the person who made them could even stand it.

.... Running Down your Mom's Thigh

I don't remember exactly how that little insult went but that's how it ended. At any rate - there are these white .. things .. running down both legs from cooch to ankle on this skin. Not to mention on the outside of the legs is just a blank line (that goes for the torso too) that leads all the way down where seam work and matching was severely lacking.

Pants Too Tight, Fatty?

I realize that I don't have a toothpick for an avatar. But ya know no matter how tight I put that pants slider - she never has to suck in to get into any kind of jeans. Well going by this skin you'd think I walked around in pants that I had to lay on the bed and use pliers to zip (I was a fat kid - I know how this goes in your teenage years) There's this gross line right across the tummy. Now wearing a full length shirt (one that goes all the way to the bottom of the template on the regular shirt layer) will over this flaw - as will wearing a shirt that goes on the jacket layer that goes all the way down .. but any of those little cutsie baby doll tees won't. Your fatty seam will show all the live long day. And its just as noticeable as all the others.

The Pluses

The tit shading is awesome - as well as the ass shading. The tummy work is great too except that ugly ass line! The nipples seem a bit on the 'inverted' side (you girls know what inverted nipples look like don't ya? With the dimple in the middle?) but even that is tolerable because the cleavage and underside shading is done so well.

The face itself is really really good - except those humongous ass lips. It literally grossed me out but like I said - if all those ugly things I pointed out were fixed .. I would have just altered my shape to compensate!

Some people may think I'm being too picky - but this really isn't as its advertised. It isn't my shape that's doing it as I found out by re-visiting the store.


You: Before you buy any of these hybrids .. be sure to pay special attention to the neck, backs of the arms, inner thigh, and the abdomen line beneath the bellybutton

You: Just looking out for others is all n.n

Shopper1: thank you Orchid

You: No problem. Made the mistake myself a few days ago

Shopper2: Yes I know about the pattern thing my best friend is a Furry lol

Shopper2 : he bitches about them all the time




If you decide you still want one of these skins - go for it but I've done what I felt right by warning folks that what they see isn't necessarily what they get. There are lots of other awesome stuff in this store (Hybrid Street, Gnoma (6, 188, 46)- just steer clear of the skins is all.

You Really Think You'd Get Away with That?!

So lately it seems that whole 'ageplay' thing is really starting to be a controversy. I'd say it is a problem but some don't feel it is. Alright please explain this to me? Wait let me try first, ok?

"We are consenting adults engaging in activity which we find entertaining/artful"
My answer: Are you really adults? Do you know the other person in real life and not over a microphone. I'm talking actually shaken hands.

"This is an imaginary activity which isn't harmful as it isn't really happening"
My Answer: There's absolutely nothing wrong about fantasizing. Even fantasizing about something illegal but you are ACTING on that fantasy and therefore portraying an illegal and immoral act (even 3rd world countries frown upon child prostitution)

The Backseat

I've sat back for quite a while on this issue while it ran rampant on other blogs and sims and was in my face a few times at clubs even. Seriously - even if you've never molested a child but have child pornography on your computer/walls/a magazine in your bathroom drawer - it is still illegal and punishable by law. Even if you've never acted on that fantasy (and doing such things in SL would be considered action) it is still illegal.

Here is just a wonderful way to keep yourself out of trouble, drama, handcuffs, controversy:

• If you have to stop and ask yourself if you will hurt anyone - don't do it.
• If you feel bad after you did it - it was wrong.
• Before you do anything ask yourself "Self, is this illegal in any country?" -- if Yes STOP
• And as far as video games go (MMO, RPG, MMORPG, Simulator etc) just ask:

--- Would I do this in real life and it be deemed acceptable by the general public?--- If the answer is "No" fucking STOP! God damn it isn't hard!

I think if people actually used some common sense and a little restraint everything would be fine. Running around in a kid shape pulling people's hair is fine. Its a little creepy - but fine. Running around in a kid shape hoping to score isn't. Nor is running around as an adult hoping to score a wee one.

You know what they do to child molesters in jail, don't you? Knock it off! For fuck's sake!

"Where does he get those wonderful toys?"

Jack Nickelson as The Joker once said that about Michael Keaton as Batman. As soon as I saw this thing .. that's immediately what I said. Out loud, no less. (its true I tend to talk out loud and make Bebop look at me and go "wtf?")

Bebop and I have a lot of really great creative friends. We also film a lot even though we rarely let most that footage see the light of day ^^; As many know my head gears (as small as they are) grind continuously with ideas for stuff. Yea that's the best way to describe it - stuff.

For the past year or so Bebop and I have been developing a character for a series which I won't name right now (and no its not cuz I don't have a name for it yet - GOSH) and have been filming. Our filming has picked up a whole lot lately due to our surroundings. We've recently had more leisure time in SL and have rekindled old friendships which have lead to new ones which makes for very fun times. I'm totally off topic.

We've been working on episodes for this series - and there is this badass thing that our main character uses. Its called a "Boomlash" and its simply the greatest thing I've probably ever played with in SL. WARNING: If you have a crappy graphics card or you lag - don't even bother because such things are really just a disgrace to this genious toy!

I started out taking pictures of it - then quickly said "Pft pictures don't do this thing justice - I must film!" So I did. I filmed me throwing the Boomlash - different angles to show you the intricate details - and just to show off the fun animations.

Mind you this thing isn't 'cheap'. If you want a Boomlash you're going to be dropping 2,000L - but seriously I've spent more on lesser things. It comes with a very detailed notecard to tell you how to use it - and its just damned entertaining and one of the best looking, best scripted, well thought out, flat out FUN things I've found in SL.

It does hit people and will knock them back about a meter or two - so it isn't a real 'weapon'. The fun part about the Boomlash is when you throw it at like .. the side of a building it STICKS and you can jump up on it and use it like a climbing thing. I know, descriptive right?

So without further adieu - here is the short video showcasing the Boomlash made by the very talented Anisa Naumova of Curious Relics.

Ask and you shall receive

A few weeks ago I did a search for things that centered around coffee shops. I searched for java, cafe, coffee house, coffee shop and things of that nature and all my searches were fruitless. I am a huge coffee fan IRL and I'm always a lover of detailed builds. Well evidently those two things didn't go hand in hand.

The places I visited were coffee campers. They sat at low prim white tables with these mugs of coffee in silence. It wasn't so much the silence that bothered me. It wasn't even the one prim table with a blank texture and being surrounded by new residents! It was the fact that this was definitely not a coffee house. The best way I could describe it would be .... a roadside rest area near a trailer park.

Yesterday was a shopping day for me. I had a few hundred lindens stuck back for a rainy day and suddenly remembered how rare rain was in Second Life. Not only that I was just really bored. Shopping is the smoking of Second Life I swear. Think about it ... is it an addiction or a habit .. or both!? (insert dramatic music here)

The Block. Yes I do love this place. I don't only love it for its shops because let's face it they have the best designers all in one sim ... but I love the detailed builds. There is nothing in that sim that isn't well textured. Call me easily amused - but I could walk around that place for hours. I'm not a mall fan because its just too much in my face. Too many sprawled out non purportional avatars wearing the same corset and thigh highs in 98234987 colors ... its just too much.

I like to look at other things other than what I'm buying. I'm an ethereal person. I like to feel my surroundings while just looking at them - and maybe this is why I feel such a need to just 'chill' at times in Second Life. From now on all my chilling will be done at The Block.

When I arrived I walked around as per the usual and saw a few new shops preparing to go in .. cool I can dig that. I rounded the corner and saw a flag -was that .... was that a picture of a tiny coffee cup?! It was!

In my excitement I flew (yes FLEW) the rest of the way over and I just had to stand there at the door. A coffee house. A real, well built, well textured, excellently placed (even though empty) coffee house! Of course you know, I ran in.

I was so excited that I didn't know who to IM. Would anyone else even care that I suddenly satisfied my psyche with this discovery? Probably not - but I was just .. well .. relieved to find such a place. So I found the builder and send him an IM and just thanking him for the great build.

The coffee house which is named Caffeine - is my newest Easter Egg. Off in a back corner of the sim - I'm sure few really notice it. I've been moving myself from chair to chair - and the whole inside just has a nice flow to it. There are not 'weird' spots in the joint. You know how sometimes you sit down and there's nothing but wall in your camera view? I have yet to find a spot that does that.

I'm haven't really counted - but there are plenty of seats in this place for at least 15 people (if not more because as I said .. I didn't count) and its almost a shame to see it so empty. In a setting like this I could easily see myself mentoring a new resident because there's nothing hectic going on to make me feel like I have to rush. Once again appealing to my aesthetic personality.

And ya know what else? Not only is just the build itself nice to look at ... but they've also got cake. And who doesn't like cake?

Protect it Like You Own It!

And they do! I see it more and more these days in Second Life. There are free things everywhere. I know this as I've been around almost 3 years. Some people prefer to give out things for free because hey - sharing is instilled in most of us at a very young age.

For a long time now people have been re-marketing the free stuff in order to turn a profit. For what means who knows, but they do it. I totally do NOT agree with that at all - but at the same time there's an argument of "Well I acquired it so isn't it up to me whether I want to give it away for free or re-sell it?" I think of all the stuff I've bought over the years .. all the crappy clothes from high priced stores that I've turned around and sold at yard sales (I'm talking RealLife here) .. did Abercrombie intend for me to sell that $40 sweater for $3? Probably not but what can they do? They made their money already. But that's the difference .. the stuff I'm talkin about is F-R-E-E to begin with.

There are things in Second Life that enhance things. Textures, scripts, humungous blocks that you can't even make anymore but were exploited in 03 due to a bug .... at any rate ... should these free things still be free? Or should they be shut into their creations merely because the person who used these free things want you to not take their exact copy of an exact copy which they got for free anyway? Its just a never ending circle.

If you got it for free - you should give it for free. That's what's fair and right. If you paid for it - sell it .. but don't expect a profit because let's face it: Things in Second Life progress quickly so used items just a few weeks old could be outdated. Don't try to turn a profit on an outfit/hair you bought 3 years ago from a designer that no longer sells their things.

And new residents: Don't expect to not have to buy lindens. You come in with nothing and that's what you'll have until you either buck up and learn to market something .. or you start peeling off clothes. If you want to be a beggar that's fine - but remember - beggers are homeless for a reason usually ;) It isn't rocket science for the most part.

Machinima Teaching

I am not naming any names - but I am taking this all in a whole. I do not mind at ALL to help someone learn anything about machinima or anything else I know about if they share a genuine interest. If you're just asking me questions to turn around and just ask me (this goes for Keith too) to turn around and do the work for you and pass it back so you can slap your name on it -- forget about it. Its not going to happen. That's like walking up to Grim Misfit and saying "Yeah dude check out this awesome idea I have! What you do is .. I tell you what to build .. you build it .. give it to me full perms then I sell it and split the profit! That's badass, isn't it?!" Fuck no, it isn't.

Machinima is really starting to take off in SL compared to the two and a half years ago when Keith and I started filming - and I'm really glad to see that! Its awesome to see people who want to do things with this 'medium'. Making a film costs a lot of money - even if you just film little home videos in Real Life you have to buy a camcorder (which can get pricey) But in this virtual forum its free (as long as you use trials of things - it can get expensive if you buy full registered versions as Keith and I have learned).

Seriously though - I will sit and help anyone out that's willing to learn. There are some things, however I feel should be learned on their own. Everyone has their own artistic eye so I never tell angles and stuff - but I don't mind holding a hand or two for those that really lack any kind of vision for it. I can't count the times I've sat and talked to people and told them step by step how to do things - then a few days later they're all on their own like big boys and girls. No leashes and no arm floaties (JellyBean is the first one that comes to mind.)

Everyone has to learn a little something from somewhere - so no question is a bad question because I'm sure I sat and asked someone the same thing at some point. Really though - I'd never ask a designer step by step how they made a certain shirt .. and I just expect the same kind of artistic amnesty, I guess. There are lots of effects achieved a lot of different ways - and there are some things that I just call "film magic" and leave it as that -- and that's just because if everyone filmed and edited like Keith and I did then they'd have no need to have us film and edit anything to begin with because there were 40 million others that could do the same thing. You understand, right? /rant

England

The British Consulate hates me. They've jacked up the prices of a visa from $120 to $430. Yeah huge inflation. At any rate Keith was able to push back our date of departure until the 21st in hopes that my Visa comes back in time so that I can leave with him. Hopefully I can - but there's never any guarantee with anything as far as the military is concerned .. and especially when you're dealing with things out of the country. It'll at work out - but I am quite high strung over it and I just want it all to be over with already! RawR!

Song of the Day

Trigger Hippy by Morcheeba

Tune in, drop out of love,
Pull the trigger, I'm a hippie,
So said a truth, and blood,
Alive and well,
You push the buttons.

Standing in line of fire,
For the whole,
My soul,
Step codes,
The drums,
And sing,
Love the children,
Learn to live with everything.

Love love love, i'm a trigger hippie, yeah
Love love love, we're trigger hippies, yeah.

Zoom in, cut out at sound,
Make it feel so trippy
Hung up, let down to ground,
Forget the kill it's far to sticky

Love love love, i'm a trigger hippie, yeah
Love love love, we're trigger hippies, yeah.

Love love love, i'm a trigger hippie, yeah
Love love love, we're trigger hippies, yeah.

Love love love, i'm a trigger hippie, yeah
Love love love, we're trigger hippies, yeah.

Jive Talkin'

Alright. So I was hanging out with Xaria on the backend of the island. She was busy building on a new 'chill' area when I saw dots on the minimap. Yeah I'm quite the nosey bugger so I turned off my camera constraints and panned over. OMGWTFBBQ. Holy Whores Batman. Mind you, this is a PG sim now - and there are these three .. ladies (and I use that term loosely) shopping in our friend Dnel's store.

Now whatever kinks, fetishes, lies, secrets, inbreeding you've done -want to do- or currently doing is fine with me. But really? I'd appreciate not having it rammed down my throat in public. I have absolutely nothing against lesbians, transgender or anything -- until its in my face. That might 'sound' a bit hipocritical but it isn't.

I don't fondle my husband in public. I don't even kiss him in public. I don't talk about my political points of view - or my opinions of religion. I don't wear things that I think others would find offensive on a personal level EVER. Not even in SL.

Alright so I didn't really find all this offensive - but I did find it highly unnecessary. Not to mention that as ADULTS it was decided to make the sim PG to cut down on rediculous behavior. But I'm afraid that in some place someone would have. Me? I found it hilarious. So funny in fact I took a picture! These girls .. well... the picture will speak for itself:

In Other News

Well there really isn't any other news, really. I ran about SL looking at coloful sparkly things. I was going to play WoW but my head hurt so I opted not to. Keith and I hung out with Jade Opel last night on her new islands and its simply amazing. It was really pretty and it was fun to just hang out and be candid.

Me at Gypsy Moon

Pr0n

I also got a wild hair and sent an IM to Marilyn Murphy. I hopped over to the Herald and took a peek at some of her Post 6 Grrls. Now is it just me or do they all look the same? Same features, rather similar hair/clothes etc? Anyway - they all seemed the same to me so I shot her an IM and said "Hey I'm different and I'll show my pixel poon just to break the monotony". Ok that isn't an exact quote from the IM but you get my drift.

All those girls seem to be tan, long hair, and very very slender. That's fine, I guess but where's the variety? This kind of 'woman' isn't all that SL has - but it seems its such a cornered market. They even had a pageant for a Post 6 Grrl. I would never EVER even get a second glance in a pageant like that I'd betcha. Why? Because I'd be that 'weird' one that stuck out.

So yeah I contacted Marilyn. Normally I'm against the whole avatar nudity thing - but damn that column needs some spice from the purple isle if ya ask me! Imagine the comments a naked purple av will get. None too nice I'd imagine, but hey I'm not doing it for an esteem booster. I'm just doing it to throw a wrench in things.Me STILL at Gypsy Moon

Well I guess that's all for now. I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning to finish up exams so I can leave the country. Hopefully I won't need anything else and my visa will come in soon! *crosses fingers*

Just Random Tidbits

This post is just going to be bits and pieces of things as I think of them. No real subject matter already laid out or anything.

May 18th

That is the date in which Keith and I are expected to leave and move to England. Tomorrow is May 1st and I'm starting to get jittery. What if my visa doesn't come in on time? What if he has to leave without me? I'm sure everything will be fine, but it still weighs on me. I realize that there are women who live without their husbands and can handle that, but I'm not sure I can. I guess our story is a bit more 'odd' than most. I spent two years living without him, only to be with him for 7 months - only to go with the possibility of being away from him again?! That's just too much.

Videos

Keith has been compiling lots of WoW (World of Warcraft) footage and plans to make a huge video soon. He's already been very picky about the soundtrack so I've had to dive deep into my musicbox (aka harddrive) to find him a song which he will find suitable. So far, no luck. I did find a Prodigy v Faithless mix that he might settle for. We'll see. Oh and there were a couple Propellerheads tracks that he dug. Are they editing quality? I'm not sure.

Its hard for me to pick music for him like this when I haven't seen not even a sliver of the footage he's recorded. I realize that by sitting literally two feet away that I should know what he's shot - but I don't. I know the kids of things that I would record, but he and I have totally different artistic and cinematic eyes so I really can't speculate.

All my video work is still on hold until we get to England. I don't want to get involved in a project only to have to ditch it in a few weeks. Sure I could film and edit something within the same day - but I've really got lots and lots of ideas and I'd like to execute everything to the highest possible quality I can. But yeah ... once we're across the pond I'll work on it more.

Work & Home

I really think the issue of me not working is bothering Keith. In fact, I think he's a little jealous in some ways. He's made remarks that hurt my feelings a bit - but I'm sure he wasn't thinking when he said them. He goes to work 5 sometimes 7 days a week. This 'video stuff' is merely a hobby for him and therefore he doesn't see it as work. I understand that. Bah this is going to turn into a rant and I don't want that.

Second Life

Not a whole lot as far as SL is concerned. I mostly pop in to chat with friends and see if there are any cool locations built that I haven't seen yet. I haven't really put much time into it seeing how no one is wanting their weddings filmed and whatnot - therefore I spend my time reading, doing dorky dances, and researching the area we'll be living in once we move to England.

I think that's all.

Oh I bought a new skin. I've decided to go back to wearing my fun colored skins because I've missed them. I don't care who's wearing what ... I love wearing a purple skin. I had one as a noob .. then there was the Passport skins .. then the Hayley skins .. and now I'm back to my purple roots! :D

Cheers

Song of the Day

There are no Cafes in Second Life

For hours I trapsed around in search of a good looking cafe in Second Life. There was once a cafe on Tya Fallingbridge's sim that I used to absolutely love but it is no more. After seeing it was under construction I lept over to Lost and Amby's because I remember hanging out at a positively posh cafe on their sim also. Alas, it too was no more.

Why? Why are there no casual semi quiet hang out spots on Second Life? I'm not talking about a cardboad box in the middle of a shopping mall sim. I'm talking about Barnesworth, Nylon, Toast, Makaio or Cory quality friggin cafe!

Maybe I'm simply asking too much from builders and content creators inside Second Life. Again, a simple hang out doesn't bring them business for the most part. I understand that completely, really I do. But as both an ambiance driven writer, and as a maker of machinima within SL I find it really difficult to find things I want to look at or be in for long periods of time.

After hours of searching, my persistance paid off. I found one tiny cafe in a sim I've never heard of and sat down to write all this. Thank you to Kewl Beans Cafe, for being so unique. Many many thanks for providing a relaxing environment that's of such high quality. I can't get enough of this place.

Hangout

So upon arrival I found a few spots that suited my ocular pleasure as I opened some frequented blog pages and settled in with a cup of hot spearmint tea. I read about JellyBean's day, read a few lines of Perez Hilton's vile rubbish (I do find the captions entertaining at times), then checked my e-mail. Funny how some trash celeb e-zine comes before my own email, but it did. I hung out alone in a virtual world while being invited to enter one of mine and Keith's videos into a machinima contest. Do not think this is sad, because I rather enjoy being alone for the most part. When I want some form of company or companionship I ask for it.

Machinima

Once upon a time Keith and I used to make many many music video machinima shorts. There was no real point other than me hearing a song and wanting to get my 'spin' of it put to film for nothing more than to just see it.

He's no longer interested in producing videos like this. Let me reiterate: I do not remake existing music videos. I don't watch an artist's music video and recreate it. Instead, I listen to a song over and over and listen to the lyrics. Its not often that lyrics are literal. Most of the time they're quite cryptic and mean something other than what they say. With a poet's ear I listen and take every thought and emotion I have that relates to the song and I write it down. Ugh I've gotten off point ...

I plan to start making those music videos again. If I have to do it alone with no extras I will. I've taught myself so much as far as filming and editing go that I feel I should do some, if for nothing else to say to my husband "See. I can do this without you and it is marvelous." Though now isn't the best time for me to commit myself to such projects, I will have time to do so soon.

England

Keith has gotten his orders and we leave May 18th for England. My visa still hasn't come in, but we were told that we have plenty of time so that I can leave with him and not have to stay behind. We're both very excited, but we also know that its going to be very intimidating and quite hectic. How often is it that someone packs up everything they own without being with their belongings while they move? I think that scares me most. Putting all our things into boxes and arriving with nothing but our suitcases in hopes that our boxes show up within a day or so of our arrival. Maybe I think too much.

Music

While Keith and I were visiting my family I had said that I would take all our pictures, make a slideshow, and set it to music. My mother instantly insisted I use all these modern 'pop' songs and I cringed. My 44 year old mother wants me to put pictures to the music of Eminem, Pink, and Akon? I didn't even know who Akon was until we got back home and I loaded up imeem. I thought "Surely she can't be serious" but she is. Somehow my mother has digressed into listening to music that most teenagers listen to. I found it odd, but who am I to judge? Once upon a time my parents made fun of me for listening to The Cranberries, Garbage, Moloko ... and suddenly I found myself on the verge of laughter. She calls that music?

Instead I've decided that one day soon I need to sit down and make her a CD with one song from each of my favorite artists. I'm sure it won't be something she'll listen to in the car on her way to Forever 21 - but maybe she can learn that there is more than just Modern Pop and Bob Seager out there (those are the only two things she listens to). She's always had an open mind and been a bit of a free spirit, but at the same time she's always been so sheltered.

She's never been exposed to anything outside the state of Missouri, or even outside of the US for that matter, and I find that tragic. She's never tried sushi or sake. Never have I seen her wear anything other than 'acceptable fashion'. Its like she's in this shell that doesn't fit. My trip to the UK for the next 3 years is very much going to involve me indirectly exposing her to things. Maybe then she'll have my father book a trip to somewhere they've never been.

Possible Book

I've actually had a few ideas lately on a book I'd like to start writing. Again, the only drawback is the fact that Keith and I will be leaving soon. That means I can't work on it exclusively, which I'd positively love to do. Again, this is one of those things that will have to wait until we are in England and things are sorted. I'm sure I'll find plenty of coffee shops and cafes in Cambridge or even London to sit in and write the day away.

Friends

I came to a realization earlier that along with this move - once we are there I will have to make friends. I didn't bother while we were here in Oklahoma because if I wanted to go anywhere it isn't as if I can't find my way back and whatnot. But I realized in England, even though I'm going to be living there for three years, things are going to be quite different. I will be in a new place that I'll most surely want to explore, but there's no fun in doing that alone.

Yes of course Keith and I will go to London and such on weekends when he's not at work - but what about other times? What if I want to go shopping? It would be rather nice to have girlfriends to do things like that with. For most my life I had the same girlfriend, Stefanie. She and I did everything together whenever the other had the urge to do something. Even grocery shopping. Here in Oklahoma I haven't really missed that because I've got Keith - and I've lost interest in simply 'hanging out' since I left home.

My hanging out is done when Keith comes home. We talk about what we did while away from the other one, we cuddle up after dinner and sometimes smoke hookah or just drink tea together ... and as completely dreamily wonderful that is there are times that I'd like to leave a note saying "Darling - Went out with the girls for drinks and will be home around 11pm. Love, Me."

At any rate -- life is simply great and I couldn't be happier (I say that quite a bit I know). I didn't even think of putting up a Song of the Day today - so that will come later or tomorrow when it crosses my mind again. For now: Pictures of my outing to Kewl Beans Cafe in Second Life

Weeee

Stef and I ran around SL some more the other day. Unfortunately I didn't blog about it when it all happened :(

So I'm unable to really caption these pics ... but so what?!

Alright so correction: Blogger is being a twat waffle and I can't upload any of the pics. RawR!1!!1

JellyBean got me playing Audition. OMFG. I beta tested Maple Story back in like ... 2002 (roughly) and thought it was just adorable. Well Audition is from the makers of Maple Story (which is STILL free to play btw) which makes it just as cute!

I filmed and edited a wedding Saturday. Keith also filmed and edited a wedding Saturday. Huzzah!

omfg I haven't even listened to any music besides the stuff in Audition LOL! So now I'm clueless as to what to make as the song of the day. Nah I got one!



In the Shadows by The Rasmus

No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I've been waiting