Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A LEEP of Faith?

So .... Friday I go in for what is called a LEEP. If you are squeamish - don't look it up on YouTube. I'll just summarize it: LEEP is where they take a hot wire to your cervix and slice off some chunks to test.

I already had biopsies of my uterus and cervix ... and they came back bad enough that I am now having this procedure. I can only assume this is to test where to bad tissue stops and the good tissue starts? I don't know because nothing has been explained to me worth a damn. I am also going to assume that is pretty damn serious because my lab results are coming back within 4 days - and each subsequent procedure is booked for the same week that labs are in. I was called on Thursday with lab results - and they booked me for the following Friday for this LEEP.

Right now I still haven't decided if I'm supposed to worry. Well, my indecisive -ness is because of the lack of information I am getting .. and I blame this on the military hospital. The 'doctors' I am seeing are not doctors. They are Nurse Practitioners. I honestly don't think they are qualified to tell me what they see on test results because they haven't told me anything.

When they took an endometrial (inside the uterus) sample for my biopsy ... that part was not explained to me. I was not aware that a long .. thing (I couldn't see) was being put INSIDE my uterus and twisted around (it literally sounded like a potato being peeled) for 5 minutes. It was painful. No one told me to take some tylenol before I came because there would be no kind of pain management used while taking the biopsies of my uterus and cervix. I showed up thinking I was basically getting a very in depth pap.

This time I have decided to prepare MYSELF. This was a bit of a mistake. I watched the procedure being done - and it just looks painful. Its humiliating and painful ... and I've already been warned to take 800mg of Motrin an hour before my appointment. I asked about 'real' pain medication for afterward ... but was just told "Motrin should be enough." Bullshit. Once the adrenaline from the stress of the procedure wears off .. I am going to hurt. I better get some damn drugs, damn it.

So much crap going on that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I'd like for everything to just be finished. This is also happening in the midst of us leaving to move to Germany in ... about 8 weeks. Yeah. Awesome timing.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

On Stress, Worry, and Being Worn Thin

A lot has happened this week.

I realize that I haven't posted a blog in forever - but does that really matter? No. I blog when I think about it - and this week I've thought about a lot of things.

I don't even want to go into the whole backstory of everything. I almost don't even want to say what's been going on. Maybe if I just get the imaginary fat turd down the toilet then maybe I could stand the stench.

I am awaiting lab results. I had a colposcopy last week and am now waiting to be told whether or not I have cervical cancer.

Let me start off by saying that if a military doctor tells you "The procedure isn't painful, you'll be able to walk right out of here with no problem" tell them to kiss your ass and give you something for pain anyway. This procedure was the second time I have been told that it was 'minor' and 'almost totally painless' ... the first time was when I had 3 wisdom teeth sawed out of my jaw then sent home with no pain medication and no stitches.

This time - I had some sort of spork rammed into my uterus where they proceeded to scrape at things so loudly you could hear what sounded like potatoes being peeled, as well as taking biopsies of my cervix. The cervix part wasn't too painful - until the person doing my biopsy said "uh oh" and asked the assistant to go get some Colonel. Apparently even in 2011 military medicine hasn't progressed much passed the MASH 4077 or something. All I could hear before the biopsy lady was interrupted was: "I was trying to take a biopsy of the abnormality at 12 o'clock when .. well the tissue was so soft .. and ..." then the Colonel asked "You ok? You feeling faint or nauseous or anything?"

3 hours. That's how long it took. That's how long I was spread eagle on a tiny table with 3 people all looking at this microscope thing seeing inside my vagina. 3 hours and 4 flat hospital bed pads full of blood later - I am told to just hop off the table, get dressed, and walk myself out.

Here's my main complaint about the procedure. I was not told that anything was going to be put in my uterus. It was very painful. Its still painful 3 days later. I was only told that there would be a sample taken from my cervical opening -- but I was not prepared for the pain of having the inside of my uterus scraped at for 10 minutes. I was not advised to take any pain relief medication before my appointment - which might have helped with some of the pain - but was also given nothing after the procedure itself. I've now only been told that the samples will be tested in pathology and I will receive a phone call by Tuesday the 22nd with results.

I'm thinking that maybe once I have those results that I will be more prepared to talk about things - but since everything is kind of hanging in the balance I don't want to think one way or another right now.