A LEEP of Faith?

So .... Friday I go in for what is called a LEEP. If you are squeamish - don't look it up on YouTube. I'll just summarize it: LEEP is where they take a hot wire to your cervix and slice off some chunks to test.

I already had biopsies of my uterus and cervix ... and they came back bad enough that I am now having this procedure. I can only assume this is to test where to bad tissue stops and the good tissue starts? I don't know because nothing has been explained to me worth a damn. I am also going to assume that is pretty damn serious because my lab results are coming back within 4 days - and each subsequent procedure is booked for the same week that labs are in. I was called on Thursday with lab results - and they booked me for the following Friday for this LEEP.

Right now I still haven't decided if I'm supposed to worry. Well, my indecisive -ness is because of the lack of information I am getting .. and I blame this on the military hospital. The 'doctors' I am seeing are not doctors. They are Nurse Practitioners. I honestly don't think they are qualified to tell me what they see on test results because they haven't told me anything.

When they took an endometrial (inside the uterus) sample for my biopsy ... that part was not explained to me. I was not aware that a long .. thing (I couldn't see) was being put INSIDE my uterus and twisted around (it literally sounded like a potato being peeled) for 5 minutes. It was painful. No one told me to take some tylenol before I came because there would be no kind of pain management used while taking the biopsies of my uterus and cervix. I showed up thinking I was basically getting a very in depth pap.

This time I have decided to prepare MYSELF. This was a bit of a mistake. I watched the procedure being done - and it just looks painful. Its humiliating and painful ... and I've already been warned to take 800mg of Motrin an hour before my appointment. I asked about 'real' pain medication for afterward ... but was just told "Motrin should be enough." Bullshit. Once the adrenaline from the stress of the procedure wears off .. I am going to hurt. I better get some damn drugs, damn it.

So much crap going on that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I'd like for everything to just be finished. This is also happening in the midst of us leaving to move to Germany in ... about 8 weeks. Yeah. Awesome timing.

So Long to SL Machinima/My Old YouTube Account

As most everyone knows or has noticed - I haven't done videos in SL in well over a year now. I used to get a kick out of making videos and stretching my editing muscles, but those days are over.

It started with filming peoples' weddings, then moved on to other projects - but I no longer have interest in such things. As a matter of fact, SL itself has pretty much served its purpose for me. Will I be leaving SL? Hell I only log in now to talk to friends every now and then as it is.

About 7 months ago some random person I don't even know had posted a video response to an old video of mine. Before allowing it as a response I viewed their video and wasn't too impressed. I understand that with hobbies and even real work that when you start out you're no good. I mean hell, Keith and I weren't that great when we started out either. He had video editing knowledge but unfortunately SL lacked the ability to give us the results we wanted. Anyway - I am off track.

So this person's video was of them dancing in a single animated loop for about 5 minutes to a song. Typical youtube video on most accounts, really. Since I didn't feel their video was an actual response to me - I didn't allow it to be marked as a video response. They took it upon themselves to say something like "All I was doing was showing you how much better these new dances are compared to the ones you showed". Fine. Still, it wasn't what I would consider an actual video response.

Over the course of a few weeks (about 3) all their friends were sending me nasty messages on YouTube which I chose to ignore. I had critiqued their video after being harassed saying "Hey next time try putting in some transitions or at least do more than one animation" - which I find to be a very NICE critique considering the content. Apparently giving anyone your opinion when there is room for improvement is a bad thing and this should never be done.

The nasty messages on YouTube continued until I decided to not allow comments, replies or ratings and put a big long rant in the description box which ended with : I understand that not allowing comments, ratings, or replies ruins the entire spirit of what YouTube, SecondLife and Machinima is all about - but I refuse to be harassed over something so juvenile. Way to go shebaspyker &co. Way to ruin it for everyone.

Today I logged into SL to talk to my RL friend Stef and recieved an offline saying (and I'm paraphrasing):
Your little rant on YouTube has really upset my girl Sheba. She doesn't dictate me or tell me who to go off on or anything like that. I don't know who has been contacting you and caused you to go off on this rant - and I don't know the laws in the UK but in the US you can be sued for slander for publishing comments about someone. I'm contacting YouTube and they'll probably delete your account.

I was going to respond to this .. um .. guy (I'm being way too nice) but decided to just put him on ignore. After sitting and thinking about it a while I decided to just delete my YouTube account myself. There are lots of reasons I did it - their harassment not really ranking very high - but if it'll save me a few minutes of telling strangers to "go back to your Gorean RP and stop being so butthurt over the fact that your friend makes shitty videos" then that's a bonus.

My live has evolved beyond SL. I joined SL as a lost 24 year old looking for an escape from the small town life I was trapped in. I found that escape and I relished it. I lived for it in a lot of ways. I was able to express myself in ways that I couldn't do beyond dying my hair purple and causing everyone in town to stare at me. Then I met Keith.

SL then evolved from fun pasttime to vital means of communication to a way of being physically close to someone when it wasn't actually physically possible. As most know, we're now married (just celebrated our 2yr wedding anniversary in March) and have the means of being actually physically close.

We started making videos in SL as a way to fund trips between Illinois and Missouri and thought it was rather 'cute' that we did so by filming other people's SL weddings. Because of all those weddings we were able to save up money to travel to see each other for 3 years before I made the big move after he had finished Basic Training and had been stationed in Oklahoma. The money we made from those videos allowed me to move to Oklahoma and afford things while we figured out exactly what we were going to do next.

Now that we don't need the money from making videos - we don't make videos. Not only do we not need the money but we also don't need the stress. Getting up at 2am to film a 3 hour wedding then turn around and spend 2 hours editing it to upload it - all for about $40 is just not worth it.

Will I still make videos in SL? Maybe, but it will be a leisure activity. Will I dedicate an entire YouTube channel to it again? No. I already have another YouTube account which I planned to post things like my nail art designs and maybe do some makeup tricks - but I won't do the whole SL thing again. Like I said - SL and SL Machinima have served theirpurpose for me and I think its more than time that the torch be passed to someone else.

I've tried for years to mentor those that were interested in making machinima. I love talking to people who are so eager to learn that I feel that my opinion is actually valued. I really love it when people ask me "How did you do that?!" but I don't feel that SL Machinima is my 'thing' anymore. I guess you could say I've just lost the passion for it.

I blog about SL on TheRev - but I never feel that my opinions on anything are valid. Why? A combination of things. I've been in SL so long that most of the people who are 'respected' or whatever don't even know WTF I talk about when I talk about anything that was 'big' or was going on in SL before like .. 07. I also feel like I'm not in SL or up to speed on things that are going on in SL like I used to be, and therefor have no real business in talking about SL. Some people eat, drink and breathe SL (and I used to be one of them!) but I've just moved on.

So in short - my SL videos that used to be on my YouTube account no longer exist. I deleted everything as a nod to myself that 'Yes, its definitely time to move on. Whatever that was, it isn't you anymore.'

As for my nail art/beauty/health/makeup blog thing - once I get that rolling I'm sure I'll post the info here somewhere.

Long Time No Post

I've neglected my blog a bit - and it shows. Its all for good reason, though (kinda.)

Keith's been gone all day over at his friends house playing video games and I've been working on random things here and there.

Things are a big weird between us at the moment. He hasn't even been home from Iraq as long as he was IN Iraq yet already he's taken over everything and changed the way that I've done everything for those 5 months he was gone. Its frustrating.

I thought that all that junk people say about when their men come home was a load of rubbish. No way would I get mad because he's put the towels somewhere that I haven't been putting them - that's dumb. Its insane that couples would fight over what day to do the grocery shopping! But for the most part its kinda true.

When you're forced to adapt to a foreign situation and not given any transition time - you quickly develop your own way of doing things. When you used to share housework you now do it all yourself and you find your own routine of things that you become comfortable with and maybe even enjoy. Then when your man (or woman I guess) comes home it all gets blown out of the water.

Maybe you enjoyed splurging on a caramel mochiato from Starbuck's once a week, but now you can't. It could be that you enjoyed doing the grocery shopping without a list and just getting things you liked, but you can't anymore. Perhaps you even stacked the dishes in the sink a certain way before you actually washed them, but now things are just all helter skelter in the kitchen. These all seem like small trivial things - but its hard not to take it personally when your significant other throws out your way and demands a different way.

It makes me miss the days that when I didn't want to cook I'd eat a bowl of rice with tons of butter and a couple spoons of sugar. I am so so glad my husband is home, but at the same time I resent him for changing everything that I worked so hard to put in order in his absense.

I don't want to say he doesn't respect me - because I like to think he does - but I think that maybe he doesn't think about things. He doesn't know how it was for me here at home because he wasn't here. He doesn't understand why I get frustrated when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it. Well its because for 5 months if I wanted something done I had to do it - and now that I have someone to help I expect it to be done when I ask. Only because I am used to it being done right when I wanted it done because I did it myself. At this moment I am seeing just how complicated this whole matter is.

Even though I:

cook every night
Do the dishes
Make sure he takes bills with him to work so they get paid
Check account balances so that he doesn't overdraw the checking (he does it a lot)
feed the cat
do the litter box
wash the clothes
vaccum
pack his lunch (which sometimes involves cooking/packing a breakfast as well)

He just makes me feel like I'm useless. I'm the one who doesn't work so I should be just living it up at home while he's gone all day. That isn't how it works.

I quit my job on his advice. They weren't going to allow me to have the 15 days off immediately following Keith's return from Iraq and Keith said "Fuck 'em. Just quit." so I did. I quit my job. This is the job I took after hearing him bitch for 6 months (roughly) about how he feels he has too much responsibility and I don't. The job that he still reminded me almost daily that his job is harder than. The job that I would come home from and STILL do almost all those things listed above.

I haven't had a job since the 2nd week of September (he came back the last week of that month.) And even though while he was still in Iraq and promised me that 'this time' it would be different. This time he wouldn't belittle me and make me feel unimportant. This time he promised he wouldn't make comments about HIS money or things I'm not allowed to buy because HE thinks it isn't needed. It only took about a month for all those promises to be forgotten.

Day in, day out I am in this house. Sometimes I walk into the village to buy a pasty or some tobacco and papers - but that only happens once or so a month. I can't be arsed to walk the mile to the village if its raining or too cold. I just won't. Anyway - I'm always at home. I guess always being at home and having no interaction with the outside world apart from an occasional phone call, Ventrillo, or SL is his idea of heaven.

I've gone off on a huge tangeant but in a way I don't really mind. Its all stuff that's bothered me that we have either discussed a half million times - or I just don't have the energy to have a 'discussion' about. I'm just frustrated is all. We've done all this before - and now we're doing it all again.

He thinks I'm being immature in thinking that he's being controlling. I think he's just being more of a dick for clamping down even harder for no apparent reason. I can't spend a few bucks on a burger from Burger King cuz its a waste of money. BUT he can pretty much do whatever he wants because its his money (he reminds me that its his money any time I talk about buying something.) Am I just being immature? Afterall he's the one who works so technically it IS his money -- but don't I earn some of that by doing all those things in that list? I mean, that's sometimes a full 8-12 hours of work a day.

I don't know. I just know I'm frustrated with how things have been going. I feel like I'm kind of ignored in the equality department. Granted, last time I didn't work I expected Keith to do half of everything here at the house. I don't expect him to do that now - but I do expect to be treated equally. I don't like feeling that I'm less of a contributor just because I don't leave the house to work. I do work. if I didn't we'd live in a mound of filth and he'd never eat or have clean clothes.

Bah.

Men.

PILLAGE!

Alright .. so my computer took a huge shit. I really think little gnomes snuck in over night and trashed it because .. well .. its just cooler to think of it that way. It was a small group of about 20 that went all John Wallace on my 'puter. Whatever! FREEDOM! Ffs. So yes, its toast.

Thankfully last year Keith and I bought this laptop to tide me over until we could make it to Missouri in order to gather the rest of my crappy belongings otherwise we'd be fighting over who's turn it is.

The upside is now we get to build MY computer .. the downside is that I have to wait until he goes to work to use his .. or just use this laptop. Luckily all the weddings I've booked are scheduled for when he's at work so there's no problem there.

He did however receive an e-mail from a 'fan' that is now offering wedding videos in SL. Okay so fans emulate that/those which they are a fan of. That's nothing new - but the fact that she was all like "Bebop Vox is my most favorite person ever -- but this is for those just wishing to capture a simple memory" .. Wow there's so much shit I want to say but I'll just leave it be. He keeps telling me things like "Who cares?! Let 'em do whatever they want. We have almost three years of a reputation behind us - they can't hold a candle to that." And he's right. I really need to stop being so competitive over this kinda thing.

I guess since I work so hard on everything that I just see it as a slap to the face. Not only what she said - but how she's gone about it. She's gone from being a mere fan, to making her own laggy ass videos, to now mimicking the business that he and I have spent three years building from nothing. Makes me wanna pillage! But, I have to be civil because as everyone knows there will come competition in any business - and you just have to rely on your own quality of work to bring you out ahead. And though I have complete and TOTAL faith in both his work and my own - it still grinds my gears. I'm petty like that, I guess?

The machinima thing has been a full time job for me for almost two years now. I'm constantly working, networking, researching, experimenting ... and Keith does too (though he's far more efficient with it) and it just makes me want to slap someone sometimes when my toes get stepped on is all. Of course I never do - but that doesn't mean I don't think about it!

I remember a time when all the designers used to feel the same way. They'd get all pissy when someone released an outfit similar to theirs etc and it kinda bothers me that I'm doing the same thing ... but at the same time my overly competitive nature won't let me just 'let it go' but I'm really trying this time. I know for a fact that my SL business is secure, but that doesn't mean that I'M secure, does that make sense?

It took over a year to convince folks "Hey Bebop isn't EVERYTHING" and to allow me to film or edit their wedding videos. I actually had to edit them secretly then let HIM break the news to them before I got any form of 'cred' on the machinima circuit. Even though I stood on my soapbox for MONTHS shouting "I am NOT riding his shirt tails, people!" it didn't matter. Now that I've established myself as a director, editor etc - this 'new kid' has really just rubbed me the wrong way. In a way it makes me want to bust my ass double time in order just to say "Nyah nyah" but I know that's immature. Why do I have to be so immature!?!

Alright so I'm just going to keep doing what I always do - which is just be a bit bitchy about it, then slowly rebuild my self esteem even if it may be for the wrong reasons. Spite is a powerful thing, my friends!

What I'd Really Like to Say:

I'll say it again tho (and I know she doesn't read my blog but ..) people pay for our service for a reason. We don't shoot bad angles. We don't have laggy footage (oh god we'd better not after all the money we spent on Keith's computer) and we don't use noob transitions. We pay for our software, and we're cinematic. We have never just slapped footage together and said "There you go! That's your video" (with the exception of JellyBean's wedding back in like 05 - we were noobs) and I really need to stop worrying so much about those that do.

Having FRAPS, Windows Movie Maker and some spare time doesn't mean you're BAMF. Sure, you can compete all you want to - and even though it bothers me - I welcome it. No I'm not a total bitch and I've even mentored a few people so as to make their videos better --- BUT --- none of those people whom I've helped have stepped on my toes as far as wedding videos in SL. Maybe I'm just too damn protective? I'm really not sure.

I have 4 weddings in the next 7 days. Not to mention there are some already booked for September. And damn I still feel bad at directing this ENTIRE post to that ONE girl who will probably NEVER see this - but I really want to get it 'out there' and Keith wont' let me talk to her to do it. He thinks its stupid and that I should just laugh at her while I cash out Lindens. I probably should - but damn! DAMN!

/What I'd Really Like to Say

Okay - I guess I'll go play Neopets or something in order to cheer myself up by looking at cute cartoon animal things and while playing games aimed at adolescents that I still can't beat :( I suck.

Song of the Day

Go to Hell by Milk Inc

I know I said I was going to do a new layout but so far I just haven't gotten to it. I will sometime soon - but not yet.

I was a bit sickly the past couple days, but I'm pretty convinced that it was a coupling of having no sleep and not eating right. Today I've felt a bit better, though a little knackered. I'd think within the next couple of weeks I should have new stuffs going here.

Getting things together in order to post for Mean Girls has been a breeze for me so far. No I'm not posting on the most 'controversial' things but I'm posting on things that bother me or I feel should be at least acknowledged by someone other than me!

Garbage totally revamped Appearance Mode and in case no one noticed he booted out like everyone. Not that it mattered cuz I had kinda stopped posting over there due to being buried faster than Anna Nicole could eat a Xanax. But now its gone from Sasy being the only one that posts to Garbage being the only one. Have fun with that, I guess. Being kicked out without a word - not even so much as "Kiss my ass" has left me a bit bitter. Could've at least notified me somehow, Garb :( I mean seriously.

So far I think I've really fit in with the Mean Girls crowd. I've already known most of 'em (save for Laylah) for almost two years. I'm not the nice one (Rosie) but I'm not the one everyone wants kicked off the island (Laylah :P) but I'm somewhere in the middle which surprises me after the backlash from my "caLLie coNUNdrum" post I did.

Keith and I are still doing weddings and filming and editing our asses off. Okay so its been mostly him but what can I expect when in competition with his reputation? Of course people will go around me to get him to film their wedding ... even though it really makes no difference. BAH whatever.

My days lately have been spent in SL just visiting wedding sims and trying to get note cards out to peeps in hopes of booking some video gigs. I guess its been a slow time for weddings or people either don't know that we film and edit weddings - or they are just letting their friends film/edit? I dunno but people c'mon. We spent 5k on his bad ass computer. Let us USE it! Right now the money made from weddings is going to be used to buy ME a bad ass computer so people won't have any reason to 'doubt' me. I can get good FPS in order to film now - but I would get Bebop Quality with a better computer (which I WILL get, dang it.)

SL has really gotten boring for me aside from a few small perks. I bought a cute wand/staff thing from Abigail Horton's shop and its served as a great means of entertainment. The downside is .. when I'm out in public all those shirtless guys with ponytails are all like "Oh you bad girl out without your collar on." I' all like "Fool I'm not a slave - I'm a wizard!" Bah. Whatever.

At any rate - I've been working in SL to either turn acquaintances into friends - or just get rid of the acquaintances all together. Or am I just being all menstrual emo? Who knows.

*Click pictures for enlargement*

I Don't Kiss Ass

Most everyone knows that. Whether it be in an online world or the real world, this girl doesn't kiss anyone's ass. Not to say that I pretend to be high and mighty because I don't. I'm not a fan girl whatsoever.

Even in my reviews on Appearance Mode I always give special attention to things I don't like or just downfalls to things, but there are always upsides to stuff. This entire post is ode to downfalls and just flaws that could easily be fixed - but haven't been. And maybe by the end if I feel relieved to get all this aired I will start listing off a few pluses ^^

I fell victim to over-photoshopped ads, and lighting shadows and now have a serious case of buyer's remorse. Let me explain:

Where it all Began

For months now I have been on the prowl for a neko skin that isn't overrun with spots or stripes which make me look like either an emo cutter or have full body herpes, and that was mostly purple or at least had a lot of purple therein (Sorry but purple is my 'thing' - always has been).

When it comes to skins of any kind I don't mind dropping some decent cash because hey - you get what you pay for, right? Cheap skins almost always have huge flaws or just aren't as detailed or as good looking as that [ND] skin that costs twice as much. Now there are times where products are just overpriced - but as a consumer its your duty to know the difference between quality and stupidity. I have faith!

At any rate - I searched and searched for neko skins. Helyanwe's place had advertised them, but I didn't find them. I swear I looked allll over - but I just didn't see any neko skins. I could have gotten a little ADD but seriously I saw nothing that could constitute as anything other than just a 'skin'. As much as I've always liked Helyanwe's stuff (ever since I had that huge corkscrew hair that could put an eye out) I didn't want a normal skin. Neko neko neko!

I had remembered a little shop where I had once bought piercings that I used to mod my Anisa neko ears and remembered that they had skins. The name? Hybrid Street. For a moment I even remembered seeing neko skins .. but I tried to contain my excitement until I got there. Finally after all this time .. I stood to be a proud purple neko.

Arrival

I was bombarded by half nekos. The ones that wanted a "Josie and the Pussycats" headband but didn't want to go all out. The ones with the schoolgirl outfits that looked like they were straight out of Cool Devices (Yeah shut up I know what hentai is - not to mention plenty of other things <.<) or sommat.

Anyway - the skin wall is slightly hidden but I found it after I made my way around the soon to be nekos hovering around the 'everything you'll ever need to be a horse/bunny/mouse/kitty' I got to the skin wall and was absolutely floored to see a skin with nice spots that I could modify to make them purple. Could this really be true? As a longtime shopper I bought a demo for 1L. I stripped down naked in the store (save for my boots) and began to analyze. Days of avatar modesty are long gone when it comes to skin shopping, damn it.

So I'm checking out the demo and the only downfall I saw was the huge lips. I'm talking Naomi Campbell after botox sized lips. Meh not a huge deal I could alter my shape a little if I really wanted to skin. Then I made the sim time noon so I could have full light and look the skin over. Everything seemed to check out. I checked the tit shading to be sure it didn't look like I had put my boobs in a big suction hose. I checked the ass shading to be sure it didn't look like I had forgotten to wipe. I didn't check the cooch cuz I really don't care if my skin has bits or not. Boob shading is important because of tank tops - twats are never important to me.

When I was inspecting the back I saw seams on the arms. I thought "Is this just a 'demo' thing?" because often demons are just to give you an idea - they aren't exact replicas. I checked the ad to be sure that it was just a rez flaw or a demo bug. Here's the ad:

Hrm no arm flaws in the add. So I dumped my 950L into the skin. I put it on in the store while wearing a short sleeved 'untucked' shirt from Form, jeans, and some long messy hair. Like every girl I change clothes on a whim and did the same on this day, and to my horror.

Euphoria Comes Crashing Down

There are so many flaws with this skin. At first I thought "Oh its just me" or "Its just my computer" until Bebop looked at me on his computer. I peered over at the screen and simply said "Fuck. Me." I just wasted 950L (which is only like $4USD) on this item that I will never wear again.

Me wasting 4 bucks doesn't bother me. Its the fact that there are tons of people who go to that shop every day and waste 4 bucks - which adds up! So this designer is making at least something off their leet ad photoshopping. Here are the flaws on the skin:

Ring Around the Collar

There is a very crisp, very clear line around the neck/throat of the skin. In the add you'll see she wears a collar. This flaw was not apparent on the demo skin nor in the ad. The face is a totally different color from the chest. Just lookit that line!

Worse than pit stains

Down the backs of the arms there is a very clean seam that shows where the patterns almost match up ... but not quite. Granted I am not a skin maker - but most, nah I'll say 95% of the good skin makers have seamless skins. There are a few old skins that have a seam or two - or some bad shading. The lines on this thing are so noticeable I can't believe the person who made them could even stand it.

.... Running Down your Mom's Thigh

I don't remember exactly how that little insult went but that's how it ended. At any rate - there are these white .. things .. running down both legs from cooch to ankle on this skin. Not to mention on the outside of the legs is just a blank line (that goes for the torso too) that leads all the way down where seam work and matching was severely lacking.

Pants Too Tight, Fatty?

I realize that I don't have a toothpick for an avatar. But ya know no matter how tight I put that pants slider - she never has to suck in to get into any kind of jeans. Well going by this skin you'd think I walked around in pants that I had to lay on the bed and use pliers to zip (I was a fat kid - I know how this goes in your teenage years) There's this gross line right across the tummy. Now wearing a full length shirt (one that goes all the way to the bottom of the template on the regular shirt layer) will over this flaw - as will wearing a shirt that goes on the jacket layer that goes all the way down .. but any of those little cutsie baby doll tees won't. Your fatty seam will show all the live long day. And its just as noticeable as all the others.

The Pluses

The tit shading is awesome - as well as the ass shading. The tummy work is great too except that ugly ass line! The nipples seem a bit on the 'inverted' side (you girls know what inverted nipples look like don't ya? With the dimple in the middle?) but even that is tolerable because the cleavage and underside shading is done so well.

The face itself is really really good - except those humongous ass lips. It literally grossed me out but like I said - if all those ugly things I pointed out were fixed .. I would have just altered my shape to compensate!

Some people may think I'm being too picky - but this really isn't as its advertised. It isn't my shape that's doing it as I found out by re-visiting the store.


You: Before you buy any of these hybrids .. be sure to pay special attention to the neck, backs of the arms, inner thigh, and the abdomen line beneath the bellybutton

You: Just looking out for others is all n.n

Shopper1: thank you Orchid

You: No problem. Made the mistake myself a few days ago

Shopper2: Yes I know about the pattern thing my best friend is a Furry lol

Shopper2 : he bitches about them all the time




If you decide you still want one of these skins - go for it but I've done what I felt right by warning folks that what they see isn't necessarily what they get. There are lots of other awesome stuff in this store (Hybrid Street, Gnoma (6, 188, 46)- just steer clear of the skins is all.

You Really Think You'd Get Away with That?!

So lately it seems that whole 'ageplay' thing is really starting to be a controversy. I'd say it is a problem but some don't feel it is. Alright please explain this to me? Wait let me try first, ok?

"We are consenting adults engaging in activity which we find entertaining/artful"
My answer: Are you really adults? Do you know the other person in real life and not over a microphone. I'm talking actually shaken hands.

"This is an imaginary activity which isn't harmful as it isn't really happening"
My Answer: There's absolutely nothing wrong about fantasizing. Even fantasizing about something illegal but you are ACTING on that fantasy and therefore portraying an illegal and immoral act (even 3rd world countries frown upon child prostitution)

The Backseat

I've sat back for quite a while on this issue while it ran rampant on other blogs and sims and was in my face a few times at clubs even. Seriously - even if you've never molested a child but have child pornography on your computer/walls/a magazine in your bathroom drawer - it is still illegal and punishable by law. Even if you've never acted on that fantasy (and doing such things in SL would be considered action) it is still illegal.

Here is just a wonderful way to keep yourself out of trouble, drama, handcuffs, controversy:

• If you have to stop and ask yourself if you will hurt anyone - don't do it.
• If you feel bad after you did it - it was wrong.
• Before you do anything ask yourself "Self, is this illegal in any country?" -- if Yes STOP
• And as far as video games go (MMO, RPG, MMORPG, Simulator etc) just ask:

--- Would I do this in real life and it be deemed acceptable by the general public?--- If the answer is "No" fucking STOP! God damn it isn't hard!

I think if people actually used some common sense and a little restraint everything would be fine. Running around in a kid shape pulling people's hair is fine. Its a little creepy - but fine. Running around in a kid shape hoping to score isn't. Nor is running around as an adult hoping to score a wee one.

You know what they do to child molesters in jail, don't you? Knock it off! For fuck's sake!

Mean Girls Guide to SL

Huzzah! JellyBean decided to feature my blog as the 'blog to watch' .. at least for the week! I'm sure it was weird to have such a non descriptive descritpion. I know, I'm handful.

The Good - The Bad - The STFU

In WoW I belong to a guild, which is normal isn't it? We are a small guild in a RP server which means we run instances and do quests. No fun Durotar raids or anything like that for the most part (though I do pick fights with guards outside little towns and outposts just to start shit).

Anyway - so this guild of like 15 people max (even though nearly all of us are 70s) had a meeting. I was told this ventrillo guild meeting was 'mandatory' and that I had to attend. This being right after they made some stupid website through Guild Portals which I was told I had to sign up on. Alright I signed up on your stupid ass site that just tells me things that I could know if I logged into vent being as there are only 5ish of us that use Vent regularly. I even had to make a dumbass username (PooPooWagon) just to USE this site that I haven't even visited since I have made that account. Now you're going to tell me that I HAVE to attend this stupid meeting? Take a flying leap, alright?

For one, I'm a little bit opposition defiant and when anyone tells me that I have to do something I'm almost always inclined to just not do it at all - just to show you or anyone else just how little I actually have to do it. Two - I pay every month to play this game. Ok well I don't pay for it Keith does - but still that's my pop money! And when you take my pop money .. and start making demands of me .. I start debating which makes me happier .. pop or WoW. And sadly sometimes its just pop. In a game which I pay to play - I like to have fun. I like to not be bossed around by a bunch of 40somethings that think being the leader of a guild somehow gives them power over peoples' personal lives. Maybe it would be different if we were raiding Karazan or something .. which we aren't because only two people have the attunement and are too stuck on themselves to help the rest of us finish the last part ... whatever Anonymous WoW Guild - this warlock has other things to do betches!

Trip Hop is your Friend

For whatever reason I got a wild hair and decided to go to a few clubs in SL. Nothing has changed in the year or more that I've stayed away from the club scene. The same color events or attempts at getting people naked still happen. Let me sum up the entire club event list for you:
Best Ass
Back in (Insert goth color here ie: Red Black or leather though it isn't a color)
Devils and Angels
Naughty Schoolgirls


And ya know - the DJs are all the same too. They all play the same music as if they are all the same person or at least grabbing shit from the same torrent. I knew it was a bad idea to tell people the title of that song two years ago. Consider this my public apology because even I, after all this time, cannot stomach to hear that fucking Josie Nunez song one more time. I realize that many people believe this to be a new hip song but it isn't. That song is NOT awesome, people! It wasn't even that great two years ago when it was lilke 3 years old! And if I hear Pink - Oh My God one more time I will choke a bitch. What is wrong with people?!

I used to DJ in Second Life but stopped after I was told I had to stop playing what I like and take requests. Normally I wouldn't care if everyone else had at least tolerable taste. I don't mind entertaining people .. but ya know I have to listen to that music too. Oh and Respect by Pantera isn't a new song either - even though people treat it like it is. Pft people that song was out when I was like 10 at least if not younger I swear.

And playing music through SAM doesn't constitute as a live DJ. Any monkey can do that. Also? I get sick of the 'howls' at clubs. Come up with a new gesture to use - same goes for that 'Yeeehaww' shit. I won't even go there - but I've had my fill of rednecks IRL for the rest of my RL thanks. And I'm talking HeeHaw shit people! /rant

Blog Censorship

I love the fact that Six invited me to write for Appearance Mode way back when. She and I have been friends since we were both pretty much noobs - and she's grown to at least tolerate my opinions and views on things. The problem is: I have to censor myself on her blog. She says not to outright bash anyone - which I don't do even here on my personal blog (except that whole guild thing up there ^^) And here's a part that I'll just call:

What I'd Really Like to Say

Dear Blogger,

Your posts are too long winded and never have anything that I personally want to read or check out - and have probably already bought a year ago - or would just never buy. I feel your fashion opinion is biased to a small group of your designer friends or people who are paying you off with h0r skirts and bad hair.

I don't enjoy reading your posts because its always the same name drops and generic products that I'm never interested. I actually try to scroll past your posts to see if anyone else has posted anything. Most times they haven't so I do have to congratulate you on carrying the weight of the whole blog on your own shoulders - I could never do that.

I will say though - if no one else will stand up and out post you - I will. I will make sure that my daily post contains things wich go outside your tiny box of your idea of fashion and barbie-mindedness will be matched against my smart mouth, fast wit, feminism, and overall hate for that which is the 'norm'.

Consider this a call to arms.

Sincerely-

The Non Ass Kissing Blogger

Jive Talkin'

Alright. So I was hanging out with Xaria on the backend of the island. She was busy building on a new 'chill' area when I saw dots on the minimap. Yeah I'm quite the nosey bugger so I turned off my camera constraints and panned over. OMGWTFBBQ. Holy Whores Batman. Mind you, this is a PG sim now - and there are these three .. ladies (and I use that term loosely) shopping in our friend Dnel's store.

Now whatever kinks, fetishes, lies, secrets, inbreeding you've done -want to do- or currently doing is fine with me. But really? I'd appreciate not having it rammed down my throat in public. I have absolutely nothing against lesbians, transgender or anything -- until its in my face. That might 'sound' a bit hipocritical but it isn't.

I don't fondle my husband in public. I don't even kiss him in public. I don't talk about my political points of view - or my opinions of religion. I don't wear things that I think others would find offensive on a personal level EVER. Not even in SL.

Alright so I didn't really find all this offensive - but I did find it highly unnecessary. Not to mention that as ADULTS it was decided to make the sim PG to cut down on rediculous behavior. But I'm afraid that in some place someone would have. Me? I found it hilarious. So funny in fact I took a picture! These girls .. well... the picture will speak for itself:

In Other News

Well there really isn't any other news, really. I ran about SL looking at coloful sparkly things. I was going to play WoW but my head hurt so I opted not to. Keith and I hung out with Jade Opel last night on her new islands and its simply amazing. It was really pretty and it was fun to just hang out and be candid.

Me at Gypsy Moon

Pr0n

I also got a wild hair and sent an IM to Marilyn Murphy. I hopped over to the Herald and took a peek at some of her Post 6 Grrls. Now is it just me or do they all look the same? Same features, rather similar hair/clothes etc? Anyway - they all seemed the same to me so I shot her an IM and said "Hey I'm different and I'll show my pixel poon just to break the monotony". Ok that isn't an exact quote from the IM but you get my drift.

All those girls seem to be tan, long hair, and very very slender. That's fine, I guess but where's the variety? This kind of 'woman' isn't all that SL has - but it seems its such a cornered market. They even had a pageant for a Post 6 Grrl. I would never EVER even get a second glance in a pageant like that I'd betcha. Why? Because I'd be that 'weird' one that stuck out.

So yeah I contacted Marilyn. Normally I'm against the whole avatar nudity thing - but damn that column needs some spice from the purple isle if ya ask me! Imagine the comments a naked purple av will get. None too nice I'd imagine, but hey I'm not doing it for an esteem booster. I'm just doing it to throw a wrench in things.Me STILL at Gypsy Moon

Well I guess that's all for now. I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning to finish up exams so I can leave the country. Hopefully I won't need anything else and my visa will come in soon! *crosses fingers*

Home again

Keith and I finally made our rounds and we're back at home. Not for long though. His port date is May 18th which is when we'll be heading to the UK. So just when we think we have a moment to breathe we have to suck it up and hit the road again.

I really missed home while we were away. I missed the jets most though. Yeah we were in a suburb of Chicago for a few weeks - so there were plenty of jets from O'Hare ... but commercial civillian jets just aren't the same! They're so ... mundane. There's no fun screaming jets that had older versions in movies *cough*TopGun*cough* and stuff. Its just fun to me! I can't help it!

Our Trip

So we were in Chicago from March 16th-April 1st. I met his family and for the most part everyone was very accepting. Of course his parents were shocked to hell at how forward I was .. but everything went fine. Although Keith and his brother had a bit too much to drink ... and his brother said "I can see it in her eyes. She's after your money."

Can anyone help me out here? I really don't understand how that's even possible. He's an E-3 ... so he's only two steps away from being the FURTHEST thing from even moderately comfortable. However, I am no stranger to having to cut corners to cut expenses ... so this is nothing to me. I think he got attraction confused with golddigging seeing has I'm sure his wife never looks at him that way. I can't help it that Keith got all the looks and his brother didn't. I just got lucky that way!

All in all I just want to send a big PISS OFF to Miles and Jen. And its just a coinsidence that we have the same name, don't flatter yourself by saying that Keith went to find a clone of you. Oh and lest we forget - I am almost 3 years older than you which would make YOU the clone, dear. Please get over yourself. Kthnx.

All in all - His parents are dolls. His mother is a bit naive .. but still that's totally understandable. My grandmother is the same way. But his brother, sister in law etc ... Next time I won't play the whole 'grin and bear it' role. I'll start putting pegs in their places. Yanno what I'm sayin'?

My Family

My family wasn't as rough. The only 'questionable' thing that was said was my mother said "Whoa he looks like a kid" right after we got there. But that's not a big deal. At least she didn't say "You're just using my daughter for her spirituality and her carefree attitude!" Cuz as we all know that's about my only assets (teehee)

I was upset though that my mom couldn't be asked to get up and give me a hug when I was leaving ... she just sat on the couch and pointed me in the direction of where some 'leftover' items were and said "Have fun. See ya". And I said "Yeah in like 3 years ..." and I just walked out.

Why do I bother? Why do I always get my hopes up thinking that I'll get some kind of emotion out of her? I always think that maybe she'll show some proof of being human .. but it never happens. Most parents would give their kid a huge hug and at least say "I love you" or something .. but not my mom. And after seeing how Keith's parents reacted to his leaving ... it really made me envious but at the same time I'm glad my parents aren't THAT involved otherwise I'd feel smothered. I dunno.

Song of the Day!

I was sitting here browsing imeem and found a song that I used to listen to a lot in highschool. I was the angry type chick with messy hair ... anyway this song really fits my closing and my overall mood right now.

Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham (she's a great musician so if you haven't heard anything of hers don't let this one song form your opinion!)

Mother mother how's the family?
I'm just calling to say hello.
How's the weather? how's my father?
Am I lonely? heavens no.
Mother mother are ya listening? just a phone call to ease your mind.
Life is perfect, never better, distance making the heart grow fond.

When you sent me off to see the world,
were you scared that I might get hurt?
Would I try a little tobacco,
would I keep on hiking up my skirt?

I'm hungry,
I'm dirty,
I'm losing my mind...
Everything's fine!

I'm freezing,
I'm Starving,
I'm Bleeding death...
Everything's fine!

Yeah, I'm working, making money, I'm just starting to build a name.
I can feel it, around the corner, I could make it any day.
Mother mother can you hear me, sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane.
Life is perfect, never better, still your daughter, still the same.

If I tell you what you want to hear,
will it help you to sleep well at night?
Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear,
now just cuddle up and sleep tight.

I'm hungry,
I'm dirty,
I'm losing my mind...
Everything's fine!

I'm freezing,
I'm starving,
I'm bleeding to death...
Everything's fine!

I miss you,
I love you.

Mkay. So on the 16th Keith and I head out for our 3 week vacation. The MIA dates are listed on the NSS site. But while we're gone I will have my laptop so we'll be able to blog, respond to e-mail and things of that nature. And when I say "we'll be able to blog" I mean "I". Just so that's clear.

I've had quite a few video ideas - and I plan to get going on those sometime in the very near future. As it stands right now Keith and I just don't have enough hours in the day in order to accomplish all the things we need to get done. I have a feeling that any little extra fun projects that I want to do will be getting done after we're back from leave.

And even though this is completely unrelated I just want to share this little quote thing:

Sometimes encouragement is bad. A huge majority of people can be lead to think they are cool - but in all actuality be the village idiot. Which are you? The idiot or the idiot's cheerleader? And who's truly the bigger idiot? The one who doesn't know better - or the one doing the coaxing?

I dunno .. just sometimes things arise that really make me stand back and analyze everyone and say "What .. the .. fuck". That ever happen to anyone else?