Its Hard to Say Goodbye to Old Friends

Recently I've had to say goodbye to a good friend of mine. He was protective, modest .. the kind of friend you could get naked around without even batting an eye. I loved this lil guy to DEATH but I'm glad that I've been able to move on. It hasn't been easy. This friend I speak of was my Epic Win Kitty Cat Shower Curtain of AWESOME (pictured above. Click for larger view)

I got rid of my old shower curtain that has brought me (and people who use my bathroom) numerous laughs over the past 2 years. I love having weird crap like my kitty cat shower curtain. Its one of those things that you see at the store and I say "Wow that is so fucking awesome. I be NO ONE has one of these in their house." And usually they don't. Its one of those talents I have for being drawn to 'awesomely bad' things.

I told a few people about my kitty cat shower curtain but I don't think they believed me. By the time I thought to take a picture before throwing it out -- I had already taken it off the shower hanger and had to lay it in the hall floor to snap the picture (which explains the pink and red carpeting).

The Epic Win Kitty Shower Curtain of Awesome was starting to be more trouble than it was worth. One - I was having to scrub it at least twice a week because of soapy scummy-ness making the clear plastic look cloudy. Two - it always got stuck to your damn leg while you were taking a shower!!! I always hated that!

So, my Epic Win Kitty Shower Curtain of Awesome has been replaced. Keith argued with me in the store for about 10 minutes until I said "Fuck it. I like this one and I'm getting it. BLAM! Gimme it." and it was mine. Well .. ours - but mostly mine.

Without further adeu - I present:

The Psychodelic Rainbow Frogs of Pwnd shower curtain... along with a few other things in my bathroom like ... Hello Kitty band-aids, pommegranite smelling hand soap, Dove face cleansing cloths and some toothpaste.

The Psychodelic Rainbow Frogs of Pwnd (click for bigger pic)

Just thought I'd share :) I do really miss the kitty cat shower curtain though :(

Super Dickmann's - and other things

Yes - I only bought this because its called "Super Dickmann's". As a matter of fact - I forced Keith to hold the box while I snapped this pic in the kitchen AS SOON as we got home from the store with it. But turns out - these things are WAY awesome. Its a huge chocolate covered thing with the creamiest softest marshmellow center and a tiny wafer on the bottom! You get almost an immediate sugar rush upon devouring!

How huge is this Super Dickmann's?

Well they're huge. Nearly as big as an iPod Nano. If you don't want some serious sugar almost instantly - I don't recommend ever buying these. They're from Germany (duh look at the packaging!) and they somehow found their way to our commissary at RAF Lakenheath. I was never so greatful for German chocolates until that day. That glorious day we returned home with our little cardboard treasure.

We've now eaten nearly all of them (I think there are 9 to a box) and they are my new love. Forget Galaxy bars or even ice cream. I love Super Dickmann's!! Germany - thank you for this most yumtastic chocolatey treat. How sugary are Super Dickmann's? Well put it this way: we drink a LOT of energy drinks in my house - and ONE of these things made me hyper for like 3 hours. I'm talking completely rambunctiously annoyingly hyper. Yeah I'd totally feed one of these to someone's kid right before they went back home with their parents. I'm evil like that.


In other news - I have decided to only post paintings on my art page to say "Hey look this is for sale" once I get my Etsy shop going. This way it allows MORE people to see my artwork and gives me extra opportunity to sell them. I did look into the option of selling prints - but unless I do the prints myself I would be losing a lot of money. I'd make about $.50 per print. Instead I'll just sell the original on canvas and not offer prints at all.


This means that every painting purchased is a one-of-a-kind. I highly doubt I'll price anything over $30 because I'm mostly just interested in paying for art supplies to paint more - and not looking to make an actual living from it right now. Perhaps in the future. Of course I'll post something here when I have everything all set up - including figuring out where to get proper boxes to ship things. It'll all come together eventually!


I feel like Keith and I are still getting acquainted with each other now that he's back from Iraq. Small things about both of us have changed while he was deployed and we're both working on getting used to those small changes. Nothing major - but still. It was kind of disturbing at first when I noticed there were any kind of change at all ... but then I realized that its pretty much natural.



We still have a lot of fun together. I even gave him a spa facial treatment a few days ago. Cucumber peel and avacado mask - the whole works! He didn't actually say it .. but I think he enjoyed it :) Looks like he's having fun to me!


I think we get on each other's nerves a bit more than we used to (we're both terribly annoying) but we're starting to get used to it. I make his lunch almost every morning - and he seems to like going to work. Maybe its because he isn't working 12 hours a day 6 days a week like he was in Iraq.


I think that's all for now. I mostly just wanted to share the awesome that is Super Dickmann's - but I got off on another subject!

Holiday Recap

My holiday was really hectic - even though we didn't go anywhere. Keith and I had our Brit friends over for Christmas dinner and in some ways it was completely hysterical.

Right now I can't remember everything we had - but I made a lot of things which they have NEVER had before. Candied yams, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie and pecan pie. I also made a huge friggin' ham, and they brought sausages, spuds, duck and beef. I even picked up a few gifts for them. I ground up some Columbian Supremo coffee for Tree, a 6 pack of IBC Root Beer (which is like the BEST root beer on the face of the planet) for her man, and got her daughter a silly little SpongeBob tin which she squealed over.

We were going to go to London for New Years eve to see the fireworks, but Keith had to work New Years Day so that was out of the question. We wouldn't have made it home in time for him to go to work, but have decided that next year we simply MUST find a way to go.

I had some more dental work done this morning, and I'm hoping that my monthly visit to Dr Barker will be over soon. She's a splendid lady, really - but let's face it: its still a dentist. The entire right side of my head is numb which is making it very difficult to drink my tea!

Keith got me all 7 seasons of Buffy on DVD so we have been watching a few episodes every night. He's really suprised that he likes it. I've been using his tablet more than he has - but he said when he gets an itch he'll play with it.

I'm glad the holidays are over and things are calming down. It seems though this week I will spend hours every day cleaning the house to get it back in order. We had this place SPOTLESS and it seems we got really lazy over the holiday.

Not sure if I posted anything about it - but we got our pictures taken with my haircut and everything was fine. I sent a scanned copy to my friend Stef and it got her "awww" of approval. Keith started his workout routine the other day and I'm sure it won't be long before I follow suit. He said he ran a mile on the treadmill and it was 'a good warm up' and I nearly shat myself. WARMUP?! That would be two days worth of exercise for me! Bah.

My SL stuff has slowed to a crawl. I don't really have the energy for most of it. I don't want to make things - and I don't even want to film anymore. Machinima is the new DJ of SL. Remember how EVERYONE was a DJ once upon a time? Well now days everyone is a 'machinima artist' or 'filmmaker' in SL which makes me want to just spit. Its like .. drawing a stick man and calling yourself an artist. Yeah SOMEONE will consider it art - but overall its just shit. I'm just as stupid for even getting any kind of emotional 'work up' over it but whatever.

We got a magazine in the post this weekend - which had a two page spread of a video we did - which is very cool. Its in French so I can't read it but that doesn't make it any less awesome. I'll have to scan it later and post it. The name of the magazine is VoxPop so check it out if you're in France!

Hmm what else. Did I mention the house is a mess?

Oh. And when coming onto the base today my car was thoroughly searched - which almost made me late for my appointment. I don't know why I am always the one to be 'randomly' searched but it always works out that way. I guess I should be all "well at least they are making sure things are secure" but even though I think that LATER at the time I'm just frustrated.

When you pull up to the gates and they check your military ID and your other card that has all your vehicle info they say "Hello ma'am - if you'll pull up inbetween the cones and wait for further instruction your car is selected for random search." So you pull up - still holding your cards to enter the base and hand it to a guy holding an M16 and with a 9mm on his hip and he smiles and asks "Consent to search?" Right - like you REALLY need my verbal concent, buddy! I mean c'mon! I replied with "Yes sir!" of course - it isn't like there's much of an option. So then he moves to let me open my car door and says "Open all compartments. Hood, trunk, console, glove box - anything that opens." So I open everything in the car - pop the hood and the boot (boot means trunk here in England) then get out and open all four doors.

He still has one hand on his M16 while he puts one hand behind my back to usher me into this little cubby hole of plexi glass or something while another soldier walks out and rummages through my car. "I left my handbag in the car. In case, you know, you all wanted to check it too." The "usher" then tells the bloke searching my car that my handbag is in the car. While in the glass fort I'm asked random questions like "Where are you going?" and "How long will you be on base" while secretly wishing I had taken the other entrance into the base.

Of course everything checks out fine and he hands me my IDs back and close the hood, boot (trunk), 3 doors and slip into the drivers' seat. I close all the inside compartments and stick my base pass on my dash and head off to my appointment. Then once I'm in the dentist's chair and she's sticking a needle in my cheek I silently wish they would have searched more so that I didn't have to be where I was right then.

Military life - gotta love it.

Wrapping Paper Sucks

When I lived at home with my parents, I used to have my mom wrap all my gifts because she was SO particular. She liked them to be wrapped a certain way, and they had to look pretty. I never really understood because hey - they're just going to get torn open anyway, right?! Well the other day I couldn't find scissors to wrap a few of Keith's gifts so I ended up just ripping the paper from the roll. A day or two later he wrapped his gifts to me and sat them under our little one foot tall fiber optic tree and I immediately sulked.

He put so much time and effort into wrapping my gifts and here mine looked like complete crap in comparison. No idea why that bothered me, but it did! I felt like some kind of Christmas failure. He's already dubbed me Miss Grinch - and seeing our wrapping jobs next to each other just made it all worse.

I have one gift of his left to wrap, and I've decided that I'm going to put some effort into wrapping it. We haven't got any ribbon or bows - but I am still going to at least make it look better than the shoddy job I did on the others.

We share so many interests - but holiday cheer is not one of them. I really have tried, but no dice. People decking their houses out with lights is somewhat a new 'thing' here in England, but in the States nearly everyone does it. I kind of expect that sort of thing out of Americans. America is the land of excess, the country of waste. Who cares about how much electricity we waste on all those decorations - looks good don't it?! Here we separate all our trash in order to put things in our recycle bin which is about 3x the size of our trash bin. The inspection for cars is far more in depth here than in America ... but now England is splurging and tossing aside their green way of things in favor of having twinkling lights all over their cottages, bungalows, and flats. It makes me feel bad, in a way. I really don't know how to explain it.

Keith and I haven't really made any friends here. Nearly everyone he works with is well older than we are - and if they aren't then they have at least two kids which immediately puts a bit of a damper on things. We have, however, met up with our Second Life friend Treebee - and she has definitely stepped up to the unknown challenge of taking the place of my best friend.

Okay so she isn't really my BEST friend because how could anyone ever fill the gap of my REAL best friend, Stefanie? They couldn't. Stef and I have known each other since we were 15 (Holy crap 12 years already?!) and we have been through so much together. We're sisters, really. Not the bickering type sisters, but the kind that finishes each others' sentences. Though Tree is well older than I am (her daughter is 15) she has this amazing aura about her. She and I are eerily alike in amazingly so many ways that it almost puts me off. Things that I like (that Stef doesn't) and I think - no one could ever like THAT - Tree likes it! She just puts off this energy that makes you want to just hug her. She's so raw and honest, yet carefree and cautious. Its really hard for me to describe.

Keith and I have invited Tree, her man, and her daughter over for Christmas dinner. Last Christmas Keith was still living in the dorms on the military base, and his suite mate was on leave so it was just us. It was charming, really - but it was quite sterile. Even though I didn't have a great holiday family I still missed the anxiety of getting things together for them.

Its weird, really. I hate cleaning house - but I love cleaning it when I know that Tree and her lot are coming over. I'm not cleaning the house for me, I'm doing it for them. Yes, I know they wouldn't care if my house looked like complete shite - but it feels like I'm reaching some sort of goal when I do it.

I've only just noticed that I'm jumping around a lot in what I'm writing, but I'm just going with whatever comes to mind. Sorry if it seems frantic :(

I haven't started working out yet. Keith wanted to go one day last week, but I had my monthly and really wasn't feeling up to it (who could blame me?!) I'm still not sure if or when I will feel compelled enough to actually get my arse in gear and work out. A big part is that since we've been together I feel so physically dwarfed by his good looks. He's tall and thin with a great personality. He's a people pleaser. He's just a good guy. I'm short and fat with a weird personality that couldn't be bothered with what anyone else thinks .. unless I'm with him. I think my deviant self is really an embarrassment to him or something. I think that somehow, somewhere inside him that he HAS to be embarrassed of how I look. Skinny blond bloke like him should have a skinny bird on his arm. Not some loud mouth mix of Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnel with a heavy helping of Bjork's eccentricity. Not that I don't love every one of those women (who are so outspoken about politics, feminism, and art) but it never feels like it suits him.

Time and time again I've heard lines of if you're happy with yourself then you've got it made. I am happy with myself. I really don't have a problem with my body - but I just feel like I'm not as .. well .. hot as I should be, I guess.

Never has Keith said "You're fat and I find you unattractive." Hell, I've never even caught him oogling a prettier woman which means he's either A) way more slick than I could ever imagine or B) I really put too much stock in how I think I'm looked upon. It isn't as shallow as what I'm wearing because I'm shameless when it comes to clothes. I will wear the tackiest shit because I like it! But its because as the years go by its harder and harder to find clothes. I really don't like wearing what I can only call a 'tent'. I want to wear weird leg warmers and 3 shirts at the same time. Maybe some hot pink holographic tights under a skirt with a pair of worn out yellow Chuck Taylor's. But I can't. I'm too fat.

Then it comes back around. I'm too fat but I know working out won't do a thing for me. Argue all you want, but even in high school when I was what I would NOW call thin (5'4 140lbs) I ran more than a mile every day - yet still I was round. I had a belly pooch. I had dimples on my thighs. When I sat down my stomach still rolled over the top of my jeans! At one point I even did the no carb thing - and I didn't lose a pound. I only got more tired! I've been reading and at this stage in my life I am considered obese. I used to think that it took far more to be obese, but I've hit that mark. Women who weigh more than like 200lbs are considered obese, and that really bothers me. Not the WORD obese, but the health risks that come with it.

There are surgical procedures that can be done, but being on military health care I can't have a one of them. I don't see a Lt. Col. calling me back to surgery to have my gut stapled. It just won't happen. I also don't see how I would get anything like that done here in England where you are 3x as likely to die of easily curable cancers like colon cancer than in the States. And see, I've gone and freaked myself out. BAH!

Working out won't hurt anything. My shins won't let me run anymore due to all the hard running in high school for the tennis and softball teams - but I could ride an exercise bike I'd bet. I'm sure that if I started out with just like ... 15 mins on a bike then walked a mile or so on a treadmill that the results would start to show. I've heard NOTHING but GOOD things about pilates, but I don't think I live anywhere near a gym that offers such a thing.

I'm not sure what to do, but I'll do something. Sometime. Maybe.

Bah Humbug!

I'm the first to admit that I've never really been one of those 'Christmasy' types. I don't like hearing carrols on the loud speaker in EVERY store I go in. I don't really like wrapping presents, and I really like the fact that we have a 1 foot tall fiber optic tree because I don't like decorating, either!

My parents always hated that I was never excited about Christmas. They hated to buy me gifts because I wouldn't absolutely flip over them when I opened them. Now that I think about it, it was really rare that they actually got me something I wanted. For instance - when I asked for a No Doubt CD I got Maria Carey. All in all, they didn't really know me. I can assume they knew me as well as any other parent knows their teenager, but Christmas presents were always so ... hollow to me.

Keith complained the other day that I am too easy to shop for. Mind you my mother used to be LIVID trying to figure out what to get me.

So on our first married Christmas together we're kinda mixing traditions. My family really doesn't have any other than we normally just cooked a big breakfast Christmas day - whereas Keith's does the big dinner thing. We didn't open any presents early, but even up to the time I was 19 I would get up at like 5am - but it was a strict rule that I couldn't wake my parents before 6am. My mom even fixed up a coffee filter to brew a pot of coffee as soon as she got up to save time. So once mom had her morning cup and fag - we could start dishing out the presents. The stockings were always last. Always.

Dad usually dished out the presents to all of us because there was some mystical order in which the presents had to be opened. Even though we took turns being "Santa" mom would yell "NOT THAT ONE!" so we'd have to push it aside and open whatever it was she slid in front of us until we got the green light for the one she was sooo adamant about us NOT opening. If this is all sounding like a scene from A Christmas Story (Y'know "You'll shoot your eye outtt") then that's really how it went at my house.

Keith's parents sent us advent calendars - which I've never had before. Why? Well like I said - my family really isn't into holidays. Keith has also bought a thing of paper lunch bags and tea light candles that he says he'll line our driveway with .. for some reason. He just shrugged and said "tradition" so I'm not sure he knows what possible meaning could be behind it all.

Keith is also having a much harder time being away from his family than I am, but I think its because of lots of different reasons. For one - my parents aren't really involved in my life. I can honestly say that I don't think they have ever had any interest in what I do - other than just making sure I wasn't getting into trouble as a teenager. Keith's family calls him at least 3-5+ times a week, whereas I feel like I win a lottery if my family even picks up the phone.

It could just be that I feel he takes too much for granted like his parents always backing him up, or knowing that no matter what decision he makes that his family won't denounce his existence ... and maybe that's caused me to be a bit more bah humbug this year? I'm really not sure. I do know that I got him some kick ass presents so this Christmas should be better than last year (I got him a few video games and some other random things.)

Home again

Keith and I finally made our rounds and we're back at home. Not for long though. His port date is May 18th which is when we'll be heading to the UK. So just when we think we have a moment to breathe we have to suck it up and hit the road again.

I really missed home while we were away. I missed the jets most though. Yeah we were in a suburb of Chicago for a few weeks - so there were plenty of jets from O'Hare ... but commercial civillian jets just aren't the same! They're so ... mundane. There's no fun screaming jets that had older versions in movies *cough*TopGun*cough* and stuff. Its just fun to me! I can't help it!

Our Trip

So we were in Chicago from March 16th-April 1st. I met his family and for the most part everyone was very accepting. Of course his parents were shocked to hell at how forward I was .. but everything went fine. Although Keith and his brother had a bit too much to drink ... and his brother said "I can see it in her eyes. She's after your money."

Can anyone help me out here? I really don't understand how that's even possible. He's an E-3 ... so he's only two steps away from being the FURTHEST thing from even moderately comfortable. However, I am no stranger to having to cut corners to cut expenses ... so this is nothing to me. I think he got attraction confused with golddigging seeing has I'm sure his wife never looks at him that way. I can't help it that Keith got all the looks and his brother didn't. I just got lucky that way!

All in all I just want to send a big PISS OFF to Miles and Jen. And its just a coinsidence that we have the same name, don't flatter yourself by saying that Keith went to find a clone of you. Oh and lest we forget - I am almost 3 years older than you which would make YOU the clone, dear. Please get over yourself. Kthnx.

All in all - His parents are dolls. His mother is a bit naive .. but still that's totally understandable. My grandmother is the same way. But his brother, sister in law etc ... Next time I won't play the whole 'grin and bear it' role. I'll start putting pegs in their places. Yanno what I'm sayin'?

My Family

My family wasn't as rough. The only 'questionable' thing that was said was my mother said "Whoa he looks like a kid" right after we got there. But that's not a big deal. At least she didn't say "You're just using my daughter for her spirituality and her carefree attitude!" Cuz as we all know that's about my only assets (teehee)

I was upset though that my mom couldn't be asked to get up and give me a hug when I was leaving ... she just sat on the couch and pointed me in the direction of where some 'leftover' items were and said "Have fun. See ya". And I said "Yeah in like 3 years ..." and I just walked out.

Why do I bother? Why do I always get my hopes up thinking that I'll get some kind of emotion out of her? I always think that maybe she'll show some proof of being human .. but it never happens. Most parents would give their kid a huge hug and at least say "I love you" or something .. but not my mom. And after seeing how Keith's parents reacted to his leaving ... it really made me envious but at the same time I'm glad my parents aren't THAT involved otherwise I'd feel smothered. I dunno.

Song of the Day!

I was sitting here browsing imeem and found a song that I used to listen to a lot in highschool. I was the angry type chick with messy hair ... anyway this song really fits my closing and my overall mood right now.

Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham (she's a great musician so if you haven't heard anything of hers don't let this one song form your opinion!)

Mother mother how's the family?
I'm just calling to say hello.
How's the weather? how's my father?
Am I lonely? heavens no.
Mother mother are ya listening? just a phone call to ease your mind.
Life is perfect, never better, distance making the heart grow fond.

When you sent me off to see the world,
were you scared that I might get hurt?
Would I try a little tobacco,
would I keep on hiking up my skirt?

I'm hungry,
I'm dirty,
I'm losing my mind...
Everything's fine!

I'm freezing,
I'm Starving,
I'm Bleeding death...
Everything's fine!

Yeah, I'm working, making money, I'm just starting to build a name.
I can feel it, around the corner, I could make it any day.
Mother mother can you hear me, sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane.
Life is perfect, never better, still your daughter, still the same.

If I tell you what you want to hear,
will it help you to sleep well at night?
Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear,
now just cuddle up and sleep tight.

I'm hungry,
I'm dirty,
I'm losing my mind...
Everything's fine!

I'm freezing,
I'm starving,
I'm bleeding to death...
Everything's fine!

I miss you,
I love you.