Long Time No Post

I've neglected my blog a bit - and it shows. Its all for good reason, though (kinda.)

Keith's been gone all day over at his friends house playing video games and I've been working on random things here and there.

Things are a big weird between us at the moment. He hasn't even been home from Iraq as long as he was IN Iraq yet already he's taken over everything and changed the way that I've done everything for those 5 months he was gone. Its frustrating.

I thought that all that junk people say about when their men come home was a load of rubbish. No way would I get mad because he's put the towels somewhere that I haven't been putting them - that's dumb. Its insane that couples would fight over what day to do the grocery shopping! But for the most part its kinda true.

When you're forced to adapt to a foreign situation and not given any transition time - you quickly develop your own way of doing things. When you used to share housework you now do it all yourself and you find your own routine of things that you become comfortable with and maybe even enjoy. Then when your man (or woman I guess) comes home it all gets blown out of the water.

Maybe you enjoyed splurging on a caramel mochiato from Starbuck's once a week, but now you can't. It could be that you enjoyed doing the grocery shopping without a list and just getting things you liked, but you can't anymore. Perhaps you even stacked the dishes in the sink a certain way before you actually washed them, but now things are just all helter skelter in the kitchen. These all seem like small trivial things - but its hard not to take it personally when your significant other throws out your way and demands a different way.

It makes me miss the days that when I didn't want to cook I'd eat a bowl of rice with tons of butter and a couple spoons of sugar. I am so so glad my husband is home, but at the same time I resent him for changing everything that I worked so hard to put in order in his absense.

I don't want to say he doesn't respect me - because I like to think he does - but I think that maybe he doesn't think about things. He doesn't know how it was for me here at home because he wasn't here. He doesn't understand why I get frustrated when I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it. Well its because for 5 months if I wanted something done I had to do it - and now that I have someone to help I expect it to be done when I ask. Only because I am used to it being done right when I wanted it done because I did it myself. At this moment I am seeing just how complicated this whole matter is.

Even though I:

cook every night
Do the dishes
Make sure he takes bills with him to work so they get paid
Check account balances so that he doesn't overdraw the checking (he does it a lot)
feed the cat
do the litter box
wash the clothes
vaccum
pack his lunch (which sometimes involves cooking/packing a breakfast as well)

He just makes me feel like I'm useless. I'm the one who doesn't work so I should be just living it up at home while he's gone all day. That isn't how it works.

I quit my job on his advice. They weren't going to allow me to have the 15 days off immediately following Keith's return from Iraq and Keith said "Fuck 'em. Just quit." so I did. I quit my job. This is the job I took after hearing him bitch for 6 months (roughly) about how he feels he has too much responsibility and I don't. The job that he still reminded me almost daily that his job is harder than. The job that I would come home from and STILL do almost all those things listed above.

I haven't had a job since the 2nd week of September (he came back the last week of that month.) And even though while he was still in Iraq and promised me that 'this time' it would be different. This time he wouldn't belittle me and make me feel unimportant. This time he promised he wouldn't make comments about HIS money or things I'm not allowed to buy because HE thinks it isn't needed. It only took about a month for all those promises to be forgotten.

Day in, day out I am in this house. Sometimes I walk into the village to buy a pasty or some tobacco and papers - but that only happens once or so a month. I can't be arsed to walk the mile to the village if its raining or too cold. I just won't. Anyway - I'm always at home. I guess always being at home and having no interaction with the outside world apart from an occasional phone call, Ventrillo, or SL is his idea of heaven.

I've gone off on a huge tangeant but in a way I don't really mind. Its all stuff that's bothered me that we have either discussed a half million times - or I just don't have the energy to have a 'discussion' about. I'm just frustrated is all. We've done all this before - and now we're doing it all again.

He thinks I'm being immature in thinking that he's being controlling. I think he's just being more of a dick for clamping down even harder for no apparent reason. I can't spend a few bucks on a burger from Burger King cuz its a waste of money. BUT he can pretty much do whatever he wants because its his money (he reminds me that its his money any time I talk about buying something.) Am I just being immature? Afterall he's the one who works so technically it IS his money -- but don't I earn some of that by doing all those things in that list? I mean, that's sometimes a full 8-12 hours of work a day.

I don't know. I just know I'm frustrated with how things have been going. I feel like I'm kind of ignored in the equality department. Granted, last time I didn't work I expected Keith to do half of everything here at the house. I don't expect him to do that now - but I do expect to be treated equally. I don't like feeling that I'm less of a contributor just because I don't leave the house to work. I do work. if I didn't we'd live in a mound of filth and he'd never eat or have clean clothes.

Bah.

Men.

O M G

OMG.

Can't talk.

Keith's home.

BYE!!!

Updatus Majoritus

MAJOR UPDATE ALERT!!!!

I have been reallllly busy the past few weeks, and for good reason I assure you!

We found out a couple weeks ago that Keith is deploying. Where? He can't say - all I know is that he was issued dessert gear. He's been really busy getting shots every other week as well as us having to go to appointments at the legal office. I don't really want to go into a lot of detail about it because honestly I've JUST gotten myself somewhat used to the idea of everything.

Yes, of course I'll be worried. I'm really just trying to not be a big baby about everything because I don't want to stress Keith out. I think that he would have taken the news of his deployment a LOT harder if I had reacted all like 'OMG NOOOOOOO' or someting.

I already have lots of activities and whatnot planned for myself this summer - and have found a great friend in Tree. Its also nice working on a military base and having access to at least talk to other spouses of deployed peeps. Just kinda eases the stress knowing that someone is going through the exact same thing - which makes one automatic thing you have in common with someone!

This will be the first time in two years (roughly) that Keith and I have been apart - which makes me go :( but at the same time I'm looking forward to seeing how I handle alone life. I'm sure the cat will keep me company - and if she doesn't I have a few canvases on top of friends and work. The first month I think will be the hardest but once I get into my own 'groove' it should get easier.

I did a painting over the weekend. There's actually a funny story that goes with it. Guess I should show the painting first.


So this is my painting ... and I call it "Boldly Go". Its my little "Ode to Star Trek" you could say. why? I don't know! I just know that I thought of how Captain Kirk always got to shag the hot aliens while on other plants - but what if SPOCK got his hands on one?! What if there's a Spock love child roaming some galaxy far far away?! And there you have the inspirational thought which started this painting. There's a bit more to it, but I sat it on my lap and took the pic with the webcam on the laptop ...



So yes that is the jist of everything. My husband is deploying to a dessert somewhere on the globe and will be gone for at least 5 months and I've just been trying to mentally prepare myself for everything. Seriously though - I almost lost it when we had to prepare his will. That was the HARDEST thing ever. For those that don't know me - I don't do funerals. Ever.

Alrighty! Well Keith got Grand Theft Auto IV a whole day earlier than its even released - so I've been sitting here watching him play... enjoy the screenshot :D

Ow My Feet

I've been working all week and my feet hurt. Standing on concrete in one place for 8 hours is definitely something that you can't just DO without like .. practice or something.

My job is so easy its insulting in a lot of ways. My 2nd day I was on my own and I felt like I was a special needs kid when they (in the main office) looked at me with wide eyes and called each other into the office to say that my drawer balanced out perfectly. It was insulting and embarrassing and I was more than mad about it - but of course I just sat there. I almost wiped at my mouth with my sleeve to see if I was drooling. I can't figure out why everyone thinks I should be so damned stupid!

I've let all that slide and I get up with Keith ever morning at 5am, get dressed, grab my ugly hat and we start our 15min drive to the base. I drop him off and slowly try to work out my frustrations before I pull into the parking lot of the hole-in-the-wall Food Cube. I'm a cashier and I hand guys in BDUs sandwiches that they order out on the flight line. Glamorous.

The pay is more than modest so I shouldn't complain, and its such an overall easy job that I should really shut my mouth ... so now I feel guilty for complaining.

Libby (our cat) has gotten bitchy now that I'm not home all day. I'm hoping she gets used to it soon and softens up again. We had JUST gotten her to actually like us where she would jump up on our lap and let us pet her and whatnot.

At least the lady I work with is nice. She's REALLY nice. She's got that rough type edge that I feel like I can relate to her, and at the same time she's so damned nice! I also made a couple buddies in the office and plan to start working out with them. Its a group of about 4 girls that are all the same level of fatass that I am, and they have invited me to hang out and work out with them.

Keith leaves next week. He'll be gone for 3 weeks in Morocco and I've already told him that he'd best bring me back something fucking phenomenal since he will be GONE for our FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! I'm pissy about that too, but what can ya do? I'll get over it. Besides the time alone might be nice. I might get some paintings done, and I'll most likely drive to Cambridge and hang out with Tree - and I'll also have the new chicks to go to the gym with. So this could be nice if I just relax a little.

So yeah I'm tired and pretty damned cranky and hopefully over the next week or so I will chill out and work myself into a routine groove where I can just calm down. I'm off to cook up some dinner since Keith will be home soon.

Work Work Work

Finally I've finished all the necessary paperwork and I start work Tuesday. I even had to be SWORN IN. Whatever, at least its all done now.

The past few weeks have been nothing but running around and doing lots of paperwork, so I'm really just glad all that is over. Now I just have to psych myself up. I always feel so ... weird ... when I'm the new person at a job. I have this problem where I'm so eager to please that I feel like I'm overcompensating for my nervousness and just the overall fear that I always think that I know I won't fit in. I somehow think I'm not the only one.

I've lost a lot of confidence in myself in the past year I've noticed. Some of it is because I didn't fit in where I came from - and I just automatically tell myself that I won't fit. The truth is - sometimes I probably could fit in if I'd only give other people a chance. I see it as, well I'm so damned off the wall that no one could possibly get me, but maybe they would if I'd warm up to them.

Tree has been the only friend I've really made here so far, and in May it will make one year. Don't get me wrong, she is positively lovely and I love this strange 'say nothing' connection she and I have ... but I sort of feel a bit of a hermit for not having more friends.

I hear people talk about how they go out every so often with their friends and leave their husband/wife at home, and I just find it hard to even envision myself doing that. Just saying "Hey Keith, me and Insert Name from work are going to go hang out. I'll be back in a couple hours." He and I have done everything together since I can remember. So are he and I the unconventional ones ... or is it just weird to take a night out for yourself? No idea. I don't even understand it. I can understand getting away from kids or something like that, though.

Tuesday I start work, and it feels weird knowing exactly when my anxiety is going to start. I've never been great with strangers or new people and I tend to be a bit TOO outgoing at times in such situations. I've decided that this time I'll be the quiet one and get to know other people I work with. I'll be the one that listens instead of talks. It will be a harsh switch - but I think that such a change is kinda crucial to making new friends.

I think what started all this was when I was filling out my paperwork and the lady said "You have to have at least one contact here in England that knows you that we can contact." I didn't know who to tell her! They also had to have an APO address which further narrowed it down that it had to be a military person. Yeah I've met a couple of the guys Keith works with, but none well enough to say 'Yes you can contact this person and they know me.' I even had to call Keith at work and ask him to get someone's address. I felt bad because I've only met the guy maybe a half dozen times, and haven't ever really had a real conversation with him .. but hey we play Lord of the Rings Online and are in the same guild so that counts for something, doesn't it?!

For the first time in a year I will be on a schedule which wasn't set by me, and that's a bit daunting as well. I already feel a bit hindered and as if someone is trying to 'control' me, even though the logical part of me says "This is how a job works, dumbass!" because .. well .. I know how it goes. Even though I know 'how it is' .. that doesn't seem to make it any better. At least right now. I'm sure once I settle in and get in the swing then I'll have forgotten that I felt this way to begin with.

Keith may be going to Morocco for three weeks to be an extra in a movie - which means I'll be here all alone. That would make the first time I've been alone since I moved away from my hometown to be with him, and that's a bit daunting as well. But I'm sure I'm making a big deal about it mentally - but when time comes those three weeks will just fly by. And hey, he gets paid pretty well for it. This is, of course, IF he gets chosen. So far, no word.

I'm also going to start working out after work since I will have nearly 3 hours between the time I get off work and when Keith gets off. I have to admit that I feel a twinge of anxiety over that as well. I'm fat, I know that. But I just have this fear that there is some kind of gym etiquette that I know nothing about and that I'll somehow be a laughing stock for some muscle bound man or woman. I'm also a bit nervous about getting sweaty and winded in a gym of people in better shape than myself. "Look over there at Fatty McFatAss on the treadmill! Listen to her WHEEZE!" I know, I know! I make too big a deal out of everything but that never seems to stop me from thinking this stuff. Again, I'm sure after the first harrowing few days that I won't even notice there are other people in the gym and I'll go about my business in my quest to wear a bathing suit (even a ONE piece) without feeling like a Shar Pei in a condom. And for those that don't know - a Shar Pei are those really wrinkly dogs. Lovely mental image now, huh?

Anyway, against my better judgement I have decided that I would document this venture into physical fitness by posting vlogs here as well as my normal textual ramblings. I will say though, that I know that I'm fat and unattractive so any negative comments really aren't necessary. I will save everyone the nightmare of me being scantily clad and saying "Look how fat I am!" and instead just wear normal clothes. I think that will be more than enough to show a progression. I'm sure as I loose weight that I will replace my tent like clothes with more form fitting things and so on.

So yeah, I will probably start that on .... Monday? Maybe I'll do it tomorrow - a vlog that is. I'll talk for a bit instead of typing so much. Then after my first workout on Tuesday I'll talk about what exercises I did. I'm sure I'll whine a lot about how its such hard work - but who doesn't?! Anyway - this is still all just an idea in my head and may not even come to light. The vlog thing I mean, not the exercise. I MUST MUST MUST make myself exercise. I've decided that I am going to try to save up for Keith and I to take a cruise next year because .. well .. I think a cruise would be awesome and I've never been on one!

Alrighty, so I'm going to make myself some lunch and probably just start a bliptv account OR just upload my vlogs directly to here .. not sure what I'm going to do yet. I refuse to do it on YouTube because a lot of people that I don't even know are subscribed to me and I'd hate for them to be watching such a personal 'thing' when it isn't REALLY meant for such a wide audience. I'm rambling again ...

When I Say Your Name ...

stand up and say "Here." That will be short for "Here I am, rock you like a hurricane."

So as most everyone has probably noticed I haven't been posting. My daily life has gotten hectic, and I've been looking for a job. I have an interview tomorrow so I'll probably post how that whole thing goes ...

We'll probably be buying another car to make the back and forth easier for us both even though I will be working on the same base as Keith - I may not have the exact same hours. He's also taking another round of classes so things are about to get hectic.

I've taken a haitus from filming in SL - and it never fails that when I do take a break that I get about 10 IMs a day asking me to film a wedding. I'm just tired of the RL strain that filming causes. Keith and I fight because each of us thinks that we did more work than the other, and he just lacks any kind of appreciation or respect for anything I do. I'd rather just do something out of his all seeing eye so that he can't tell me that I don't 'do anything'.

And I almost went off on a rant there, but I somehow contained it.

Off to cook dinner!

Wrapping Paper Sucks

When I lived at home with my parents, I used to have my mom wrap all my gifts because she was SO particular. She liked them to be wrapped a certain way, and they had to look pretty. I never really understood because hey - they're just going to get torn open anyway, right?! Well the other day I couldn't find scissors to wrap a few of Keith's gifts so I ended up just ripping the paper from the roll. A day or two later he wrapped his gifts to me and sat them under our little one foot tall fiber optic tree and I immediately sulked.

He put so much time and effort into wrapping my gifts and here mine looked like complete crap in comparison. No idea why that bothered me, but it did! I felt like some kind of Christmas failure. He's already dubbed me Miss Grinch - and seeing our wrapping jobs next to each other just made it all worse.

I have one gift of his left to wrap, and I've decided that I'm going to put some effort into wrapping it. We haven't got any ribbon or bows - but I am still going to at least make it look better than the shoddy job I did on the others.

We share so many interests - but holiday cheer is not one of them. I really have tried, but no dice. People decking their houses out with lights is somewhat a new 'thing' here in England, but in the States nearly everyone does it. I kind of expect that sort of thing out of Americans. America is the land of excess, the country of waste. Who cares about how much electricity we waste on all those decorations - looks good don't it?! Here we separate all our trash in order to put things in our recycle bin which is about 3x the size of our trash bin. The inspection for cars is far more in depth here than in America ... but now England is splurging and tossing aside their green way of things in favor of having twinkling lights all over their cottages, bungalows, and flats. It makes me feel bad, in a way. I really don't know how to explain it.

Keith and I haven't really made any friends here. Nearly everyone he works with is well older than we are - and if they aren't then they have at least two kids which immediately puts a bit of a damper on things. We have, however, met up with our Second Life friend Treebee - and she has definitely stepped up to the unknown challenge of taking the place of my best friend.

Okay so she isn't really my BEST friend because how could anyone ever fill the gap of my REAL best friend, Stefanie? They couldn't. Stef and I have known each other since we were 15 (Holy crap 12 years already?!) and we have been through so much together. We're sisters, really. Not the bickering type sisters, but the kind that finishes each others' sentences. Though Tree is well older than I am (her daughter is 15) she has this amazing aura about her. She and I are eerily alike in amazingly so many ways that it almost puts me off. Things that I like (that Stef doesn't) and I think - no one could ever like THAT - Tree likes it! She just puts off this energy that makes you want to just hug her. She's so raw and honest, yet carefree and cautious. Its really hard for me to describe.

Keith and I have invited Tree, her man, and her daughter over for Christmas dinner. Last Christmas Keith was still living in the dorms on the military base, and his suite mate was on leave so it was just us. It was charming, really - but it was quite sterile. Even though I didn't have a great holiday family I still missed the anxiety of getting things together for them.

Its weird, really. I hate cleaning house - but I love cleaning it when I know that Tree and her lot are coming over. I'm not cleaning the house for me, I'm doing it for them. Yes, I know they wouldn't care if my house looked like complete shite - but it feels like I'm reaching some sort of goal when I do it.

I've only just noticed that I'm jumping around a lot in what I'm writing, but I'm just going with whatever comes to mind. Sorry if it seems frantic :(

I haven't started working out yet. Keith wanted to go one day last week, but I had my monthly and really wasn't feeling up to it (who could blame me?!) I'm still not sure if or when I will feel compelled enough to actually get my arse in gear and work out. A big part is that since we've been together I feel so physically dwarfed by his good looks. He's tall and thin with a great personality. He's a people pleaser. He's just a good guy. I'm short and fat with a weird personality that couldn't be bothered with what anyone else thinks .. unless I'm with him. I think my deviant self is really an embarrassment to him or something. I think that somehow, somewhere inside him that he HAS to be embarrassed of how I look. Skinny blond bloke like him should have a skinny bird on his arm. Not some loud mouth mix of Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnel with a heavy helping of Bjork's eccentricity. Not that I don't love every one of those women (who are so outspoken about politics, feminism, and art) but it never feels like it suits him.

Time and time again I've heard lines of if you're happy with yourself then you've got it made. I am happy with myself. I really don't have a problem with my body - but I just feel like I'm not as .. well .. hot as I should be, I guess.

Never has Keith said "You're fat and I find you unattractive." Hell, I've never even caught him oogling a prettier woman which means he's either A) way more slick than I could ever imagine or B) I really put too much stock in how I think I'm looked upon. It isn't as shallow as what I'm wearing because I'm shameless when it comes to clothes. I will wear the tackiest shit because I like it! But its because as the years go by its harder and harder to find clothes. I really don't like wearing what I can only call a 'tent'. I want to wear weird leg warmers and 3 shirts at the same time. Maybe some hot pink holographic tights under a skirt with a pair of worn out yellow Chuck Taylor's. But I can't. I'm too fat.

Then it comes back around. I'm too fat but I know working out won't do a thing for me. Argue all you want, but even in high school when I was what I would NOW call thin (5'4 140lbs) I ran more than a mile every day - yet still I was round. I had a belly pooch. I had dimples on my thighs. When I sat down my stomach still rolled over the top of my jeans! At one point I even did the no carb thing - and I didn't lose a pound. I only got more tired! I've been reading and at this stage in my life I am considered obese. I used to think that it took far more to be obese, but I've hit that mark. Women who weigh more than like 200lbs are considered obese, and that really bothers me. Not the WORD obese, but the health risks that come with it.

There are surgical procedures that can be done, but being on military health care I can't have a one of them. I don't see a Lt. Col. calling me back to surgery to have my gut stapled. It just won't happen. I also don't see how I would get anything like that done here in England where you are 3x as likely to die of easily curable cancers like colon cancer than in the States. And see, I've gone and freaked myself out. BAH!

Working out won't hurt anything. My shins won't let me run anymore due to all the hard running in high school for the tennis and softball teams - but I could ride an exercise bike I'd bet. I'm sure that if I started out with just like ... 15 mins on a bike then walked a mile or so on a treadmill that the results would start to show. I've heard NOTHING but GOOD things about pilates, but I don't think I live anywhere near a gym that offers such a thing.

I'm not sure what to do, but I'll do something. Sometime. Maybe.

Turkey Day!

We ate re-heated food from the squadron thing. That was enough of a Thanksgiving for me. After that Keith and I pretty much just started playing video games.

My Minstrel in LotR:O is now level 17 (Landroval server -- name Madge) and I spent a big part of the day seeing just how far I could run before I got killed. I actually got a popup message that more or less said "DANGER! This zone is very dangerous and things will attack you from far away!!" I did eventually die.

I'm debating heating up some of .. whatever's left and making a sandwich out of it. Keith is on the phone right now with his family. I called my family earlier and got hung up on 3 times before my mom answered the 4th time.

I won BOTH the things I was bidding on so I was really happy about that. Sooo hopefully Keith thinks the stuff I got him is awesome.

Keith is also making me pissy because I set up a filming appointment - and I had to throw a fit for him to actually do it. I'm really close to throwing in the towel on the video thing. I'd rather work in a fucking fast food joint - bring home my paycheck and not hear a damn word out of him instead of me going out of my way to communicate with these people and get things scheduled just for him to be a complete ASS about it.

Whatever.


I'm making a sandwich.

Some days it seems all I do is bitch

I do read what I write - and I'm fully aware that it seems that all I do is bitch about my life. The fact is: my life is pretty good - and the ONLY things I have to complain about are small things. Yes I realize that I just ADMITTED that they are 'small' but when they occur over and over again - they become bigger annoying things. Anyway - bitching about my amount of bitching isn't any sort of incentive to make me NOT bitch on my blog. Its my blog, after all isn't it?

Last night I went through a lot of trouble to make shrimp alfredo, garlic cheese biscuits (like the ones from Red Lobster) served with a nice Australian shiraz (that's wine). I had to yell at Keith 4 times to get him to come sit down in the kitchen at the table ... by then the shrimp alfredo was already barely above warm .. at any rate I gave Keith more food than me thinking that if I didn't that he'd tear through it and would get up and go back to filming straight away.

What was I hoping for? Hours later after sleeping I can't say for sure. I can say that I was hoping for maybe a little romance. Lately it feels like I go out of my way to do cute and romantic things just to get an "Awww thanks!" then he skips away like I have cooties on the playground. My friend (of like 13 years) Stef says "Oh that just happens over time. Its called being married. Once you're married for so long ya don't really care about those things, and the other person isn't so much the center of your universe anymore ... its getting comfortable." Well I hate it! I don't want to be comfortable!

I'm glad that winter is coming on here in England - all these skinny pretty girls will be hiding themselves in coats and I won't feel so bloaty :D Hahah bitches! That was mean :( But its true!

YouTube Celebrities are crap

So I'm really getting over saturated with the lack of fun that I used to find on YouTube. Seems these days its either people uploading content that isn't theirs - or its middle aged balding men complaining about how other people are more popular than they are on the YouTube. SHUT UP! One guy claims to have a full time job for a Fortune 500 company .. yet all he does is bitch and moan about how he wants to do videos for a living. With WHAT talent?! Keep your day job dude.

At any rate - Keith and I have been talking for a year or so now about starting a vlog to accompany our site and blog. Its mostly a 'meet the directors' type of thing and not so much a "Look what we can do" type of thing. There was a point in time that we both kinda hid behind our avatars. Sure we were never afraid to BE ourselves - but there was a time we were worried about SHOWING ourselves. And by us I mean me. I'll just cut to the chase by saying that I feel unattractive and felt that the general public would put more emphasis on my outward apperance rather than my talents and whatever ... but at this point I don't care.

Maybe watching all those middle aged balding men whining and crying about their wishes has brought a new sense of 'me' around. They don't seem to care that they should spend their spare time with their kids instead of making videos -- and the general public on YouTube doesn't seem to make a single comment to that degree so why so I even worry about anyone thinking I'm fat?! PFFT. Bring it, bitches. Seriously.

On a fat note - I do plan to start working out this winter once Keith and I are able to actually put a schedule together. I realize that his work schedule changes at the drop of a hat - but he'll just have to fork out a few extra bucks a week on gas in order to let me get out more. The past couple weeks I have been going out on Saturday or Sunday for a couple hours while he works on videos .. but that's really lame. I should be able to go wherever I want whenever I want to do it. I honestly don't think that a couple bucks in gas money is a lot to spend considering the benefits from it.

He and I got into a little bit of an argument a few weeks back about how regardless of how bad of a tourist I am ... I want to NOT be in the house all the time. He gets to go to work and come home - whereas for me work IS home so its like I'm always at work. He saw my point, but said something to the effect of a waste of gas blah blah blah ... at any rate he's just going to have to stop keeping such a leash on me as far as who's allowed to spend money and who isn't. I always feel like I'm not allowed to buy anything or spend money - but he can do whatever he wants cuz its 'his' money.

Its almost 6:30pm and I'm heating up some water to wash dishes. Once he comes home this weekend ... he'll be working on that video probably non stop again. Oh joy oh rapture! I have a wedding scheduled for Sunday so he'll have to at least take a break for a couple hours while I film and edit that .... and we are in desperate need of groceries. We needed groceries LAST week but I couldn't tear him away from filming and editing in order to get that done. Maybe I'll just do it myself this weekend. We'll see!

Inebriated Hilarity

So I picked up a couple bottles of wine. Keith said he wasn't a wine fan - but I grabbed some white zinfandel and said "Weeee!" He likes it, he likes it!

Alright so the Andre (pink champagne) was cheap and we picked up a couple bottles of that, too. We're bargain shoppers what can I say?!

He's editing the video that we filmed earlier - and I'm sitting here reading blogs and drinking wine - which was relaxing about an hour ago ... but now I'm pretty much drunk. So now I take random breaks to entertain myself ... luckily the laptop has a built in camera.



Even though the quality isn't so great - the pictures themselves crack me up ... except for one and its kinda scary - but still funny in some weird way.



Oh and Keith is drinking wine too! I wanted wine glasses so he bought me some a couple weeks ago. Wine isn't quite the same without a wine glass. Maybe I was just prissy at the moment. I think now that Keith likes wine enough that we'll actually put our wine glasses to use! Wine is soooo good with seafood (of any kind!)

Anyway I took a bunch of random pics with the webcam on my laptop -- and I thought I'd post em. Why the hell not?!

Weddings Weddings Everywhere

I've done a pant-load of weddings this month. Okay so Keith actually filmed and/or edited 80% of those - but if he's home and doing nothing why NOT have him do it? At any rate this is my 2nd wedding in two days and oddly I'm totally fine with it.

Lately with the wedding video scene folks have started picking songs I haven't heard - or just haven't already used in a wedding vid which seems to make the editing process go a lot more smoothly. When you have to hear a song you don't like over and over 40 million times it starts to eat at you.

We did a drow wedding this month which was awesome! Finally something totally different than the 'norm'! I only filmed the reception (cuz Keith had to go to work) but still! It was nice to see something different for a change.

Not sure if I've updated about it or not: But I'm renting a plot of land for about 6k a month and when I don't want it I don't have to worry about selling it or anything. Keith kinda didn't get it at first - but now he's cool with it. And its really upped business! Which was my overall goal anyway. Haha! I win!

Staying at home is really starting to wear on me. Even though I try to keep myself busy with videos, scheduling, cleaning, cooking what have you - I still feel really blah. I think its because I don't get any alone time. Yeah yeah I know - I'm home alone while Keith is at work - but that's the only time! I don't even go shopping alone which just the thought seems like a luxury. I love my husband so so much ... and he's so so great ... but there are times I'd like to go to the bookstore and browse books by myself. The two of us go out and do things almost every weekend (unless there's a video scheduled) and I love doing that ... but there are days I want some solitude I guess.

When I'm home alone - I'm still here. The only time I leave this house is when its with Keith. Hell he even takes me to my dentist appointments. I love spending time with him and all that - but like I said there are times I just want to go to the coffee shop and sit and have a cup or two while reading a book or something. I know I could easily do that at home while he's at work - but I think its because I associate home WITH work now. When I'm here and he's at work ... I'm at work too. I spend a lot of time in SL doing marketing and advertising work. I know he doesn't see it as work because for one: He's good at it and two he really likes it --- but for me I have to struggle to do even a fraction of the quality he does. So YES it is work! Anything that you have to really try to do and fret over I would consider work. Anything that you do that you're good at and can do with great ease is a hobby. Natural Selection Studios is a hobby for Keith - but its constant work for me.

Well the wedding I'm filming starts in about 15 minutes so I'd better cut this off. I'll update more later!

Holy crap.

So I haven't blogged or anything else for a few days. Keith and I have been running around like crazy. We got married on the 7th - we've been scrubbing his dorm room - and filling out lots n lots of paperwork.

His room gets inspected Wednesday and I only PRAY that is passes. Seriously they go over that place with a white glove before they'll pass it. Monday I have to start my paperwork to get my passport and visa and we're both holding our breath that it'll be done by the time we ship out. Right now its looking like on/about May 18th is when we'll be heading to England.

I have to call a couple friends to give them more exact dates of when we're going to arrive in England so they help us out. I have a friend in Cambridge and this summer Keith's Norwegian friend is going to take his holiday in England to visit :) So even though we're going to be far far away from home - we will still have friends. RAF Mildenhal here we come!

Willow is having a baby so huge congrats to that. I'm going to guess that her due date is October so I feel it would be in her best interest to have her baby on my birthday (rofl!)

I have a few tings to unpack and whatnot so that's all I'm gonna say for now. Perhaps later once the sun isn't glaring off the pool I will sit and blog more ... but I really want to sit outside right now.