On Stress, Worry, and Being Worn Thin

A lot has happened this week.

I realize that I haven't posted a blog in forever - but does that really matter? No. I blog when I think about it - and this week I've thought about a lot of things.

I don't even want to go into the whole backstory of everything. I almost don't even want to say what's been going on. Maybe if I just get the imaginary fat turd down the toilet then maybe I could stand the stench.

I am awaiting lab results. I had a colposcopy last week and am now waiting to be told whether or not I have cervical cancer.

Let me start off by saying that if a military doctor tells you "The procedure isn't painful, you'll be able to walk right out of here with no problem" tell them to kiss your ass and give you something for pain anyway. This procedure was the second time I have been told that it was 'minor' and 'almost totally painless' ... the first time was when I had 3 wisdom teeth sawed out of my jaw then sent home with no pain medication and no stitches.

This time - I had some sort of spork rammed into my uterus where they proceeded to scrape at things so loudly you could hear what sounded like potatoes being peeled, as well as taking biopsies of my cervix. The cervix part wasn't too painful - until the person doing my biopsy said "uh oh" and asked the assistant to go get some Colonel. Apparently even in 2011 military medicine hasn't progressed much passed the MASH 4077 or something. All I could hear before the biopsy lady was interrupted was: "I was trying to take a biopsy of the abnormality at 12 o'clock when .. well the tissue was so soft .. and ..." then the Colonel asked "You ok? You feeling faint or nauseous or anything?"

3 hours. That's how long it took. That's how long I was spread eagle on a tiny table with 3 people all looking at this microscope thing seeing inside my vagina. 3 hours and 4 flat hospital bed pads full of blood later - I am told to just hop off the table, get dressed, and walk myself out.

Here's my main complaint about the procedure. I was not told that anything was going to be put in my uterus. It was very painful. Its still painful 3 days later. I was only told that there would be a sample taken from my cervical opening -- but I was not prepared for the pain of having the inside of my uterus scraped at for 10 minutes. I was not advised to take any pain relief medication before my appointment - which might have helped with some of the pain - but was also given nothing after the procedure itself. I've now only been told that the samples will be tested in pathology and I will receive a phone call by Tuesday the 22nd with results.

I'm thinking that maybe once I have those results that I will be more prepared to talk about things - but since everything is kind of hanging in the balance I don't want to think one way or another right now.