I had an awesome rant posted ....

I had a good long awesome rant posted about how I'm soooo mad but I deleted it. I thought typing it all out and reading it would make it seem insignificant but that didn't work. So instead of leaving it up so that backspace backspace no one has to read that shit if they don't want to.

I am about to lay down. I'm not even going to waste time explaining anything ... or bringing anything to light. Doesn't matter anyway.

I do have to ask though ... do you ever feel like screaming at the top of your lungs and just start throwing random breakable shit? Maybe even throw something through a wall? Gah I don't know just do something loud and destructive? Oh oh wait now is the PERFECT time for a famous quote I hear a lot. What's your problem?!

Weddings Weddings Everywhere

I've done a pant-load of weddings this month. Okay so Keith actually filmed and/or edited 80% of those - but if he's home and doing nothing why NOT have him do it? At any rate this is my 2nd wedding in two days and oddly I'm totally fine with it.

Lately with the wedding video scene folks have started picking songs I haven't heard - or just haven't already used in a wedding vid which seems to make the editing process go a lot more smoothly. When you have to hear a song you don't like over and over 40 million times it starts to eat at you.

We did a drow wedding this month which was awesome! Finally something totally different than the 'norm'! I only filmed the reception (cuz Keith had to go to work) but still! It was nice to see something different for a change.

Not sure if I've updated about it or not: But I'm renting a plot of land for about 6k a month and when I don't want it I don't have to worry about selling it or anything. Keith kinda didn't get it at first - but now he's cool with it. And its really upped business! Which was my overall goal anyway. Haha! I win!

Staying at home is really starting to wear on me. Even though I try to keep myself busy with videos, scheduling, cleaning, cooking what have you - I still feel really blah. I think its because I don't get any alone time. Yeah yeah I know - I'm home alone while Keith is at work - but that's the only time! I don't even go shopping alone which just the thought seems like a luxury. I love my husband so so much ... and he's so so great ... but there are times I'd like to go to the bookstore and browse books by myself. The two of us go out and do things almost every weekend (unless there's a video scheduled) and I love doing that ... but there are days I want some solitude I guess.

When I'm home alone - I'm still here. The only time I leave this house is when its with Keith. Hell he even takes me to my dentist appointments. I love spending time with him and all that - but like I said there are times I just want to go to the coffee shop and sit and have a cup or two while reading a book or something. I know I could easily do that at home while he's at work - but I think its because I associate home WITH work now. When I'm here and he's at work ... I'm at work too. I spend a lot of time in SL doing marketing and advertising work. I know he doesn't see it as work because for one: He's good at it and two he really likes it --- but for me I have to struggle to do even a fraction of the quality he does. So YES it is work! Anything that you have to really try to do and fret over I would consider work. Anything that you do that you're good at and can do with great ease is a hobby. Natural Selection Studios is a hobby for Keith - but its constant work for me.

Well the wedding I'm filming starts in about 15 minutes so I'd better cut this off. I'll update more later!

Serious Case of Neglect

So lately I've really been neglecting my blog - and I feel horrible about it. I hope no one hotlines me for it :( Since my computer died I've been left mourning it and this laptop as nice as it is and as convienent as it is really leaves one for wanting. I get like .5 FPS in Second Life - WoW runs slightly better ... but its really just a pain. While Keith is at work I use his beast of a machine - but when he's home I'm stuck with this contraption. It isn't comfortable to type on either, really. Geeze why am I whining? At least I have something, right?

Keith actually posted a rant on his blog that I totally agree with. Not to mention I've already flown off on a tangent or two about it on my own blog. I'm slowly SLOWLY learning to let things go - even if I do get a twinge of anger over it. I'll narrow my eyes and mumble "Damn. It." but no more random rants where I talk for like 5 minutes and say variations of the word 'fuck' 93849283 times.

Not sure if we're gonna take any kind of trip this weekend or not. I am about to put our London pics on Flickr for those that look at our pics, anyway. I know his family checks my blog and our flickr accounts often so we try to keep everything up to date. My family couldn't be arsed to open a URL to see what I'm up to - so I mostly keep track of everything for my own benefit and for a few friends back in my hometown.

I plan to start shooting a few videos probably next month - all fun and no profit. And y'know I don't care if some hack with Fraps used a song I wanted to use (Jelly knows who I'm talking about)... I'll still use it. Why am I like 'that'? "OMFG they used what I wanted to use ... and now everyone is going to compare A to B because they put theirs out first yet I had the idea I just never got around to it till now. NOW I can't use that song/theme!" Seriously I need to chill.

And I read somewhere that Anne Rice went all 'Born Again Christian' and I think that's the biggest slug to the chest. She wrote the most in depth novels that were both darkly romantic yet chilling ... and now she's "Writing for Jesus Christ". I'm hurt. I don't know what to say.

With that, friends - I will just leave you with a song of the day :) The song is: They Weren't There by Missy Higgins (I love this girl!)




Lyrics:

You breathed infinity into my world
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl.
We dug a hole in the cool grey earth and lay there for the night.
Then you said, 'wait for me we'll fly the wind,
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him' but oh,
Now my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare of
Any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand
And led through fields of naked land
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say 'no'.

You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew.
You were there blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say,
I wouldn't say 'no'. But they all said, 'you're too young to even know,
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him'
But oh, now, my world is at your feet. I was lost and I was found,
But I was alive and now I've drowned.
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song
So they can tell me I was wrong...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...

But they weren't there beneath your stare,
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare
Of any bindings from the world outside that room.
And they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields
Of naked land where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...
So I couldn't say 'no'.

I'm thinking of using it for an Anniversery type Video for Keith in like ... ohhhhh march? lol

Watching isn't as much fun as DOING

Went to the dentist Friday and she filled a small cavity I've had for probably two years but never noticed ... anyway so she's filling up every cavity I have no matter now small. I shouldn't complain .. but its still the dentist! But she's a really nice lady and it isn't painful.

While I was getting shots and drills in my face Keith bought a new game for the 360. They were out of DDR pads so he hasn't gotten ME a game yet (I also want Guitar Hero II but he says they lock up) so yet again 'm stuck sitting here and just watching him play video games.

I kinda took matters into my own hands and have started a Lineage II download. Yeah I could have gone back to WoW but I didn't really want to. I know all the quest lines and crap. I'm sure its going to suck playing on a Laptop but it shouldn't be THAT bad. I mean .. I played WoW on this laptop for months.

I have a wedding to film tonight - another to do tomorrow ... and I decided to just rent a plot of land instead of buying the one next to "the one that used to be next to Jelly". I didn't want to be stuck with land if I wanted to sell - so I thought renting would be the best way to go. keith was sitll all 'WTF" about it but meh. Its really cut out a lot of time that I WAS spending in Second Life - and at the same time notecards are still getting distributed. So the moral is: I Win.

So I'm anxiously waiting for Lineage II to download since I haven't had a game I enjoy playing for the last 4 months or so. I quit WoW for CoH/CoV cuz Keith didn't want to pay for both -- but then I quit CoH/CoV cuz I didn't like it. And if I dont' like Lineage I'll just go back to EverQuest or something. What can I say? I'm a dork for MMORPGs [shrug]

WHY OHHHH WHYYY! Oh the HUMANITY!!!!!

Alright so as most know I have been saving up to buy a lil plot of land. I'm up to a little over 9k now (I've started splitting profit from the wedding videos ... Keith doesn't know YET) and have oooh about 30K to go.

I already hate it. I hate not spending any money!! All these designers are putting out shit I want so I just sit .. stare at the pics .. sigh .. then walk away. I've never really been a shopper. I don't even change clothes more than once a week ... but when I want something I normally get it. But now? Now that has been taken from me ... by .. me!

I don't really care if I don't have a new skin, and I don't really care if I don't have new clothes - I could use some new hair - but y'know I doubt if I'd even wear the new hair much. I pretty much just stick with the same few hairstyles honestly.

Alright so I still have a long way to go in order to get any land .. then after that I have to buy a prefab. I was going to buy one a few weeks back - but now I'm glad I didn't after seeing how common it is in SL. HOWEVER: I do still really like that prefab and may still get it anyway. Why shouldn't I? If I changed my hair/clothes every time I saw someone else with the same outfit on I'd never have the same shit on for more than a couple hours at most.

The 'semi downside' to the land I want is that its next door to JellyBean and HawksRock and I really think they'd prefer their privacy - but GOD its such a nice sim! And fairly cheap! And its soooo quiet! So I've really got some thinking to do. I'm sure by the time I save up that 40k that the plot I want will be gone so the 'me being respectful of space' issue won't be an issue ... but the issue will be more of me keeping the reigns tight on myself so that I don't spend what I've saved!!! Its so hard though!

I guess my problem is that I read too many blogs so I see all this shit the designers put out and I go "ooooooh" and "Ahhhhhh" then suddenly I go "Wahhhhhhhh" because i remember that I'm SAVING. It'll all be worth it in the end, right?

Song of the Day

Where'd You Go by Mighty Mighty Bosstones


Keith loves that song ^^

Fwap!

I love my husband. He happens to be quite attractive (in my eyes anyway) and very romantical. However, he never seems to do what I ask him to do without putting up an argument like a teenager. And .. some days it makes me wanna just thump his nose! I know he does it just to annoy me - but rawgh! Even though I get over it about 15 minutes later it still aggravates me. I can't ask him to do something (like fold laundry) without hearing things like "But YOU always fold it, why do I gotta fold it? If I fold it .. its just gonna be messed up." And that just drives me up the wall! I wonder if its just his way of trying to get out of doing it ... or if its some 'husband' chromosome that activates in all men once they get married. Its probably a combination of both.

I tried really hard to stay on the 6am - 3pm sleep schedule but Keith keeps switching it around. Some days he'll come home at like 8am and stay up until 2pm then want to go to bed .. but I went to bed hours ago and am ready to get up about the time he's winding down. Today he came home from work at about 8am and stayed up until about 9:30pm and is now sound asleep when this is like my normal 'lunch' time.

For once I decided to sit out in the conservatory and brought my laptop out here (since my computer died *emotear*) so that I can sit and type my chubby little fingers off without waking Keith up.

He bought us an Xbox 360 Elite yesterday - but totally skimped on the game. He picked up some 20$ thing that was kinda cute and funny at first but has quickly gotten stale to me. Anyway we've been playing Rayman off and on .. and I pretty much just don't play unless its the music/dancing challenge where its kinda like DDR or Elite Beat Agents. Not only because I like it .. but because Keith doesn't have much rhythm. Its okay though - it works out better that way because I hate the shooting stages.

Due to the death of my computer I haven't logged into SL except to send IMs to those that have scheduled weddings to follow up and make sure there have been no changes to their plans. Other than that I just haven't really been in the mood. Of course I'll log in on Keith's computer when I have to film these weddings but until then I'm just not really gunnin for #1 right now. I'm just chillin.

So yeah sitting out here in the conservatory with a big can of Strongbow (and its NOT a Chav drink outside the city. REALLY!) and some cigarettes that I haven't smoked but probably will here soon. I'm not sure why ... but its just relaxing to me. Keith only likes smoking from the hookah but pfft after a few beers or ciders I don't care! I made some hummus earlier which flopped, actually :( I used a bit too much lemon juice even though I used LESS than what the recipe said to use! Meh trial and error I guess. It wasn't HORRIBLE but it wasn't good either :( I tried!

Keith has been writing a lot on a series, but I still don't know when he'll film it. He's pretty much done it alone. When he's got free time at work (and it happens a LOT) he'll write a page or two of a script. He's had me brainstorm with him on a few occasions but it isn't to get a story down, its more or less to just develop is own so I haven't really played a part in the process. Not that I really mind because I honestly haven't felt up to writing anything lately. I think its just because of putting so much energy into these weddings - but I can't be sure.

OMG I watched like 40 million episodes of Buffy last night and the night before and man I forgot how much I love that show! I really miss it :( I may have to get Keith to buy season DvDs of it. That and Charmed! I loved that show too! It was better after Shannon Doherty died off and was replaced by Rose McGowan IMHO. I think I was just "Brenda'd" out from all my years of watching 90210 as a tween. But yeah - totally good show after her ass was gone.

I know I've totally just rambled through this whole post - but I'm on my way to drunk right now so deal with it! At least I'm spelling pretty well, but even if I weren't it isn't like anyone else would know - that's what that ABC button is for at the top. I win!

So with my computer's death has come the end of my SL Dj'ing for a bit. It makes me kinda sad because I was going to use that DJ money for land in SL in order to slap a prefab on and give myself a little office type thing .. but NooOOooOooo sabotaged. Okay it wasn't REALLY sabotage but that doesn't make me like it any more! It does suck, though. Just when I think I have everything figured out .. FWAP .. some obstacle slaps me in the forehead. Oh well. It'll all get back on track sometime soon.

I still haven't uploaded the London pics to Flickr yet - but I do plan to sometime soon. I don't even think Keith has uploaded them yet. I'll get around to it in the next couple days I'm sure. Right now I really dunno what else I could possible say or even give any kind of update on .. so I'll just back away slowlyyyyy

Flickr

Oh. I forgot that I added that picture slide show badge thingy over there like I said I would the other day. I think there are London pics that I haven't uploaded yet ...

Every month I take pictures off to add new ones (it would be stupid for Keith and I both to pay for premium accounts) so huzzah!

BTW - these are all IRL pictures of Bebop and I so if you aren't interested in our RLs then don't look at it. We aren't naked or anything like that ... but it is us being our goofy selves out in random public places that we go to.

PILLAGE!

Alright .. so my computer took a huge shit. I really think little gnomes snuck in over night and trashed it because .. well .. its just cooler to think of it that way. It was a small group of about 20 that went all John Wallace on my 'puter. Whatever! FREEDOM! Ffs. So yes, its toast.

Thankfully last year Keith and I bought this laptop to tide me over until we could make it to Missouri in order to gather the rest of my crappy belongings otherwise we'd be fighting over who's turn it is.

The upside is now we get to build MY computer .. the downside is that I have to wait until he goes to work to use his .. or just use this laptop. Luckily all the weddings I've booked are scheduled for when he's at work so there's no problem there.

He did however receive an e-mail from a 'fan' that is now offering wedding videos in SL. Okay so fans emulate that/those which they are a fan of. That's nothing new - but the fact that she was all like "Bebop Vox is my most favorite person ever -- but this is for those just wishing to capture a simple memory" .. Wow there's so much shit I want to say but I'll just leave it be. He keeps telling me things like "Who cares?! Let 'em do whatever they want. We have almost three years of a reputation behind us - they can't hold a candle to that." And he's right. I really need to stop being so competitive over this kinda thing.

I guess since I work so hard on everything that I just see it as a slap to the face. Not only what she said - but how she's gone about it. She's gone from being a mere fan, to making her own laggy ass videos, to now mimicking the business that he and I have spent three years building from nothing. Makes me wanna pillage! But, I have to be civil because as everyone knows there will come competition in any business - and you just have to rely on your own quality of work to bring you out ahead. And though I have complete and TOTAL faith in both his work and my own - it still grinds my gears. I'm petty like that, I guess?

The machinima thing has been a full time job for me for almost two years now. I'm constantly working, networking, researching, experimenting ... and Keith does too (though he's far more efficient with it) and it just makes me want to slap someone sometimes when my toes get stepped on is all. Of course I never do - but that doesn't mean I don't think about it!

I remember a time when all the designers used to feel the same way. They'd get all pissy when someone released an outfit similar to theirs etc and it kinda bothers me that I'm doing the same thing ... but at the same time my overly competitive nature won't let me just 'let it go' but I'm really trying this time. I know for a fact that my SL business is secure, but that doesn't mean that I'M secure, does that make sense?

It took over a year to convince folks "Hey Bebop isn't EVERYTHING" and to allow me to film or edit their wedding videos. I actually had to edit them secretly then let HIM break the news to them before I got any form of 'cred' on the machinima circuit. Even though I stood on my soapbox for MONTHS shouting "I am NOT riding his shirt tails, people!" it didn't matter. Now that I've established myself as a director, editor etc - this 'new kid' has really just rubbed me the wrong way. In a way it makes me want to bust my ass double time in order just to say "Nyah nyah" but I know that's immature. Why do I have to be so immature!?!

Alright so I'm just going to keep doing what I always do - which is just be a bit bitchy about it, then slowly rebuild my self esteem even if it may be for the wrong reasons. Spite is a powerful thing, my friends!

What I'd Really Like to Say:

I'll say it again tho (and I know she doesn't read my blog but ..) people pay for our service for a reason. We don't shoot bad angles. We don't have laggy footage (oh god we'd better not after all the money we spent on Keith's computer) and we don't use noob transitions. We pay for our software, and we're cinematic. We have never just slapped footage together and said "There you go! That's your video" (with the exception of JellyBean's wedding back in like 05 - we were noobs) and I really need to stop worrying so much about those that do.

Having FRAPS, Windows Movie Maker and some spare time doesn't mean you're BAMF. Sure, you can compete all you want to - and even though it bothers me - I welcome it. No I'm not a total bitch and I've even mentored a few people so as to make their videos better --- BUT --- none of those people whom I've helped have stepped on my toes as far as wedding videos in SL. Maybe I'm just too damn protective? I'm really not sure.

I have 4 weddings in the next 7 days. Not to mention there are some already booked for September. And damn I still feel bad at directing this ENTIRE post to that ONE girl who will probably NEVER see this - but I really want to get it 'out there' and Keith wont' let me talk to her to do it. He thinks its stupid and that I should just laugh at her while I cash out Lindens. I probably should - but damn! DAMN!

/What I'd Really Like to Say

Okay - I guess I'll go play Neopets or something in order to cheer myself up by looking at cute cartoon animal things and while playing games aimed at adolescents that I still can't beat :( I suck.

Song of the Day

Go to Hell by Milk Inc

Weekend Trip and other Things

So for the first time in a couple weeks Keith and I decided to take a weekend trip. We don't stay gone all weekend, but we take a full day and go do stuff. Saturday we spent the entire day in London just wandering aimlessly and stopping of anywhere for a pint. We didn't want to be tourists, but we did just want to be somewhere unfamiliar in order to just relax. Unfortunately it was a VERY nice day out so the tourists were in full force. Maybe I'm weird - but hearing so many languages at once gives me a headache :(

So the entire river front was crawling with tourists, and we did the tourist thing of taking a boat down the river and back. And it was really relaxing! Of course it was crowded with tourists taking pictures of every single thing possible and yelling things which I assumed to be "No turn that way! Can't you smile?!" etc.

I got myself a bit of a sunburn (I'm very fair skinned. I blame by Irish ginger-haired parents) which is a bit achy today. It was worth it though. It actually didn't rain in London! We of course took along an umbrella anyway - but we didn't need it! We took the tube from Redbridge to St Paul after it took us about fifteen minutes to find the damn car park there at Redbridge :( We found it, though!

We haven't yet taken the pictures off the digital camera, but I remembered that we both have Flikr accounts, and I have yet to really share our pictures from both Chicago and all over England. I've been in the process of putting together a DvD for my family to mail to them so they can see our pictures also, but with all the weddings I've been doing in SL I haven't really had the time to sit down and work on it. Soon though, I hope. I've only got 4 weddings to do this month so far so I'll find time in the next couple weeks I'd say.

So yeah I'm going to add both mine and Keith's Flikr Tikr (haha I'm clever) to the side over there somewhere ------------------------------------------------------------------------>

Song of the Day

Falling by Emmy Rossum (she reminds me of Imogen Heap which is GOOD!)

Busy Busy Busy!

Alright so after a long long abscense from DJing in SL (it seemed for a while there that anyone with a few MP3s and SAM called themselves a DJ) I've decided its time to take it up again. I know, I'm a bit mad for doing so - but in my downtime its a nice thing to do for entertainment value. I have rather missed talking to random people and doing my 'so last year' break dances while everyone else twirls around like a drunken ballerina with their Sine Wave dances.

I DJd tonight for a few hours, and it was quite fun. I can't even recall what I played, but it was a wide range of things and if the music didn't keep them entertained the stupid stories I told did. And if they were faking it and typing all those LOLs for no reason .. well .. that's SLife isn't it?

Xaria Concord, Striker Wolfe and I dancin' at Club Cheeky

Last night my old friend Striker even made an appearance by map stalking me lol I don't know why I never see him log in, but he always just pops in. I think LL doesn't want me to know he's online until he shows up. And it never fails - when I see his avatar it says "Striker Wolfe has come online" and I'm left saying ... WHEN?!

I debated REALLY hard over getting some land to slap a prefab on so that I had a place to talk to people who were wanting wedding videos - but Keith cut me off at the pass rather quickly. I can see his point though, but he still isn't making things any easier for me which made me slightly grumpy. I saw it as - I work just as hard for that money (if not more so) so why can't I have a say in things? I do agree that forking over 150 USD for a 4xxx sq m plot does kind act like a punch to the throat .. ah well. Maybe he'd change his mind if I said "Fine you deal with these people and YOU do all the scheduling and YOU answer all the questions .. all from an IM box. Oh and tell them how to change their video URLs on their land so they can see examples of our work ..." and it just goes on and on. Fortunately for him I'm not a mean bitch of a wife and just left it be. He said no, so I'll just leave it be. As I said, perhaps he'll change his mind sometime in the future.

Yesterday I thought I had wanted a new skin and I saw a girl with a great skin on and asked her if she had a LM. She did and I went .. and sadly the skins look horrible on my avatar. Rosie might have gotten one, I'm not sure - but they looked good on her too but they just didn't work for me. Anyway here's the SLurl for anyone interested. Its called Lovey's Boutique and the skins are really pretty but they aren't for everyone. GET DEMOS!

Song of the day: