Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I am NOT ready for my close-up

I have an appointment today at a hair salon to get my hair cut, and after that Keith and I have an appointment at a photography studio to get professional pictures taken. Sounds fab, huh? IT ISN'T!

I always get a bout of anxiety and get real 'uppidy' when it comes to things like this. Okay fine, you got me - I get high strung about nearly everything and have a little freak out session often ... but getting my hair cut is always one of those things that just freak me out!

Part of the reason is up until about 3 years ago, I had the same hair dresser since I was 9. She knew my hair. She knew that no matter what haircut I WANTED she always knew what would look better. The problem with getting a new hairdresser is if you walk in and say "I want my hair cut like THIS" that they will cut it like that and if its complete shite you're stuck with it. *MY* hairdresser would never do that to me. To make this all worse we're having pictures taken afterward.

So a stranger is going to be chopping at my hair and probably not caring if the haircut clashes with my fat face. She probably won't know that even though my hair has turned a brownish reddish color with my age - that it still shows EVERY cut you make as if it were still blond. I had the hardest time as a blond. It took *MY* hairdresser a few years to get the hang of cutting my hair just right so that you couldn't see every cut she made. When I was about 13 that "Rachel" haircut (y'know .. from friends?) with the millions of layers was in. I could not sport this haircut because of my blondish reddish naturally highlighted hair because every layer looked as if you had given me different facets of a bowl cut.

Will this hairdresser butcher my hair? Will she actually listen to the things I tell her like:

  • I don't have a natural part
  • Even though I don't have any cow licks - one side of my hair always seems longer than the other
  • If I can't style it with and walk out the door in 10 minutes - I'll hate it
  • Bangs/Fringe make my face look fatter and I don't care what you say
  • I have a weird mole thing on my head so if you even HINT at it I'll be mortified
  • Even if you thin my hair out its still REALLY thick and will take you a half hour to blow dry
  • If you have to use a curling iron on my hair to make it look good - you're trying too hard
  • I prefer to not use more than two products on my hair on the rare occasion i DO style it
  • Take into consideration I get a haircut once a year when it hits that awkward grow out stage
  • The messier the better


I know that all seems like a lot, and some if it is contradictory ... but will she even listen?! Will she humor me and just grin and nod and then just do her own thing? Does anyone else ever freak out like this before getting their hair cut? I feel so juvenile!

My other 'freak out' thing right now is pictures. The last time I had professional portraits done was in high school. I didn't mind it so much because hey - its a portrait and I thought I was totally friggin' hot back then. Well I've gained probably 50 pounds (if not MORE) since then, but was lucky enough to marry a very VERY attractive man. Now, I feel inferior in looks (which drives Keith up the WALL and he wishes I'd just stop it!) and I wish I were thin enough to hide behind him for this whole ordeal. Vertically, I can hide behind him - but otherwise FORGET IT! I know that these aren't going to be full nude pictures (or even partially for that matter) but I do know the extra work it takes to photograph such contrasting couples for classic portrait photography. I know that I would feel more comfortable if I could somehow take our pictures myself - but we'd end up with these 'weird' photos that would just play off our contrasting appearance and it would be more minimalist slash modern portraits .. but GAH!

Regardless of my level of freak out (we are at Def con Bravo right now on my Freak Out Meter, people!) I will end up somehow pulling myself together to do all of this stuff. I'll sit in that salon chair and make small talk while a strange lady touches that weird mole on my head. I will then probably have to go into a story saying how my mother AND grandmother both have a mole in that same spot, and probably then say the same for the one near my ear which we all 3 have in common. We'll talk about the weather and about what we got our families for Christmas. I'll then thank her for her work on my what COULD be butchered hair, then I'll pick Keith up from work. After that I'll stand around in a studio drooling over the cameras, asking the photographer what school they went to (if any), and simply wait for the discomfort which comes once they start squinting behind a tripod (because few photographers actually look through the finder anymore with these new digital thingies) while I keep saying "don't blink don't blink don't blink" to myself in my head.

Ugh, am I losing my mind?!

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