As most everyone knows or has noticed - I haven't done videos in SL in well over a year now. I used to get a kick out of making videos and stretching my editing muscles, but those days are over.
It started with filming peoples' weddings, then moved on to other projects - but I no longer have interest in such things. As a matter of fact, SL itself has pretty much served its purpose for me. Will I be leaving SL? Hell I only log in now to talk to friends every now and then as it is.
About 7 months ago some random person I don't even know had posted a video response to an old video of mine. Before allowing it as a response I viewed their video and wasn't too impressed. I understand that with hobbies and even real work that when you start out you're no good. I mean hell, Keith and I weren't that great when we started out either. He had video editing knowledge but unfortunately SL lacked the ability to give us the results we wanted. Anyway - I am off track.
So this person's video was of them dancing in a single animated loop for about 5 minutes to a song. Typical youtube video on most accounts, really. Since I didn't feel their video was an actual response to me - I didn't allow it to be marked as a video response. They took it upon themselves to say something like "All I was doing was showing you how much better these new dances are compared to the ones you showed". Fine. Still, it wasn't what I would consider an actual video response.
Over the course of a few weeks (about 3) all their friends were sending me nasty messages on YouTube which I chose to ignore. I had critiqued their video after being harassed saying "Hey next time try putting in some transitions or at least do more than one animation" - which I find to be a very NICE critique considering the content. Apparently giving anyone your opinion when there is room for improvement is a bad thing and this should never be done.
The nasty messages on YouTube continued until I decided to not allow comments, replies or ratings and put a big long rant in the description box which ended with : I understand that not allowing comments, ratings, or replies ruins the entire spirit of what YouTube, SecondLife and Machinima is all about - but I refuse to be harassed over something so juvenile. Way to go shebaspyker &co. Way to ruin it for everyone.
Today I logged into SL to talk to my RL friend Stef and recieved an offline saying (and I'm paraphrasing):
Your little rant on YouTube has really upset my girl Sheba. She doesn't dictate me or tell me who to go off on or anything like that. I don't know who has been contacting you and caused you to go off on this rant - and I don't know the laws in the UK but in the US you can be sued for slander for publishing comments about someone. I'm contacting YouTube and they'll probably delete your account.
I was going to respond to this .. um .. guy (I'm being way too nice) but decided to just put him on ignore. After sitting and thinking about it a while I decided to just delete my YouTube account myself. There are lots of reasons I did it - their harassment not really ranking very high - but if it'll save me a few minutes of telling strangers to "go back to your Gorean RP and stop being so butthurt over the fact that your friend makes shitty videos" then that's a bonus.
My live has evolved beyond SL. I joined SL as a lost 24 year old looking for an escape from the small town life I was trapped in. I found that escape and I relished it. I lived for it in a lot of ways. I was able to express myself in ways that I couldn't do beyond dying my hair purple and causing everyone in town to stare at me. Then I met Keith.
SL then evolved from fun pasttime to vital means of communication to a way of being physically close to someone when it wasn't actually physically possible. As most know, we're now married (just celebrated our 2yr wedding anniversary in March) and have the means of being actually physically close.
We started making videos in SL as a way to fund trips between Illinois and Missouri and thought it was rather 'cute' that we did so by filming other people's SL weddings. Because of all those weddings we were able to save up money to travel to see each other for 3 years before I made the big move after he had finished Basic Training and had been stationed in Oklahoma. The money we made from those videos allowed me to move to Oklahoma and afford things while we figured out exactly what we were going to do next.
Now that we don't need the money from making videos - we don't make videos. Not only do we not need the money but we also don't need the stress. Getting up at 2am to film a 3 hour wedding then turn around and spend 2 hours editing it to upload it - all for about $40 is just not worth it.
Will I still make videos in SL? Maybe, but it will be a leisure activity. Will I dedicate an entire YouTube channel to it again? No. I already have another YouTube account which I planned to post things like my nail art designs and maybe do some makeup tricks - but I won't do the whole SL thing again. Like I said - SL and SL Machinima have served theirpurpose for me and I think its more than time that the torch be passed to someone else.
I've tried for years to mentor those that were interested in making machinima. I love talking to people who are so eager to learn that I feel that my opinion is actually valued. I really love it when people ask me "How did you do that?!" but I don't feel that SL Machinima is my 'thing' anymore. I guess you could say I've just lost the passion for it.
I blog about SL on TheRev - but I never feel that my opinions on anything are valid. Why? A combination of things. I've been in SL so long that most of the people who are 'respected' or whatever don't even know WTF I talk about when I talk about anything that was 'big' or was going on in SL before like .. 07. I also feel like I'm not in SL or up to speed on things that are going on in SL like I used to be, and therefor have no real business in talking about SL. Some people eat, drink and breathe SL (and I used to be one of them!) but I've just moved on.
So in short - my SL videos that used to be on my YouTube account no longer exist. I deleted everything as a nod to myself that 'Yes, its definitely time to move on. Whatever that was, it isn't you anymore.'
As for my nail art/beauty/health/makeup blog thing - once I get that rolling I'm sure I'll post the info here somewhere.
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rambling. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Super Dickmann's - and other things
Yes - I only bought this because its called "Super Dickmann's". As a matter of fact - I forced Keith to hold the box while I snapped this pic in the kitchen AS SOON as we got home from the store with it. But turns out - these things are WAY awesome. Its a huge chocolate covered thing with the creamiest softest marshmellow center and a tiny wafer on the bottom! You get almost an immediate sugar rush upon devouring!
How huge is this Super Dickmann's?
We've now eaten nearly all of them (I think there are 9 to a box) and they are my new love. Forget Galaxy bars or even ice cream. I love Super Dickmann's!!
Germany - thank you for this most yumtastic chocolatey treat. How sugary are Super Dickmann's? Well put it this way: we drink a LOT of energy drinks in my house - and ONE of these things made me hyper for like 3 hours. I'm talking completely rambunctiously annoyingly hyper. Yeah I'd totally feed one of these to someone's kid right before they went back home with their parents. I'm evil like that.In other news - I have decided to only post paintings on my art page to say "Hey look this is for sale" once I get my Etsy shop going. This way it allows MORE people to see my artwork and gives me extra opportunity to sell them. I did look into the option of selling prints - but unless I do the prints myself I would be losing a lot of money. I'd make about $.50 per print. Instead I'll just sell the original on canvas and not offer prints at all.
This means that every painting purchased is a one-of-a-kind. I highly doubt I'll price anything over $30 because I'm mostly just interested in paying for art supplies to paint more - and not looking to make an actual living from it right now. Perhaps in the future. Of course I'll post something here when I have everything all set up - including figuring out where to get proper boxes to ship things. It'll all come together eventually!
I feel like Keith and I are still getting acquainted with each other now that he's back from Iraq. Small things about both of us have changed while he was deployed and we're both working on getting used to those small changes. Nothing major - but still. It was kind of disturbing at first when I noticed there were any kind of change at all ... but then I realized that its pretty much natural.
We still have a lot of fun together. I even gave him a spa facial treatment a few days ago. Cucumber peel and avacado mask - the whole works! He didn't actually say it .. but I think he enjoyed it :) Looks like he's having fun to me!I think we get on each other's nerves a bit more than we used to (we're both terribly annoying) but we're starting to get used to it. I make his lunch almost every morning - and he seems to like going to work. Maybe its because he isn't working 12 hours a day 6 days a week like he was in Iraq.
I think that's all for now. I mostly just wanted to share the awesome that is Super Dickmann's - but I got off on another subject!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Work Work Work
Finally I've finished all the necessary paperwork and I start work Tuesday. I even had to be SWORN IN. Whatever, at least its all done now.
The past few weeks have been nothing but running around and doing lots of paperwork, so I'm really just glad all that is over. Now I just have to psych myself up. I always feel so ... weird ... when I'm the new person at a job. I have this problem where I'm so eager to please that I feel like I'm overcompensating for my nervousness and just the overall fear that I always think that I know I won't fit in. I somehow think I'm not the only one.
I've lost a lot of confidence in myself in the past year I've noticed. Some of it is because I didn't fit in where I came from - and I just automatically tell myself that I won't fit. The truth is - sometimes I probably could fit in if I'd only give other people a chance. I see it as, well I'm so damned off the wall that no one could possibly get me, but maybe they would if I'd warm up to them.
Tree has been the only friend I've really made here so far, and in May it will make one year. Don't get me wrong, she is positively lovely and I love this strange 'say nothing' connection she and I have ... but I sort of feel a bit of a hermit for not having more friends.
I hear people talk about how they go out every so often with their friends and leave their husband/wife at home, and I just find it hard to even envision myself doing that. Just saying "Hey Keith, me and Insert Name from work are going to go hang out. I'll be back in a couple hours." He and I have done everything together since I can remember. So are he and I the unconventional ones ... or is it just weird to take a night out for yourself? No idea. I don't even understand it. I can understand getting away from kids or something like that, though.
Tuesday I start work, and it feels weird knowing exactly when my anxiety is going to start. I've never been great with strangers or new people and I tend to be a bit TOO outgoing at times in such situations. I've decided that this time I'll be the quiet one and get to know other people I work with. I'll be the one that listens instead of talks. It will be a harsh switch - but I think that such a change is kinda crucial to making new friends.
I think what started all this was when I was filling out my paperwork and the lady said "You have to have at least one contact here in England that knows you that we can contact." I didn't know who to tell her! They also had to have an APO address which further narrowed it down that it had to be a military person. Yeah I've met a couple of the guys Keith works with, but none well enough to say 'Yes you can contact this person and they know me.' I even had to call Keith at work and ask him to get someone's address. I felt bad because I've only met the guy maybe a half dozen times, and haven't ever really had a real conversation with him .. but hey we play Lord of the Rings Online and are in the same guild so that counts for something, doesn't it?!
For the first time in a year I will be on a schedule which wasn't set by me, and that's a bit daunting as well. I already feel a bit hindered and as if someone is trying to 'control' me, even though the logical part of me says "This is how a job works, dumbass!" because .. well .. I know how it goes. Even though I know 'how it is' .. that doesn't seem to make it any better. At least right now. I'm sure once I settle in and get in the swing then I'll have forgotten that I felt this way to begin with.
Keith may be going to Morocco for three weeks to be an extra in a movie - which means I'll be here all alone. That would make the first time I've been alone since I moved away from my hometown to be with him, and that's a bit daunting as well. But I'm sure I'm making a big deal about it mentally - but when time comes those three weeks will just fly by. And hey, he gets paid pretty well for it. This is, of course, IF he gets chosen. So far, no word.
I'm also going to start working out after work since I will have nearly 3 hours between the time I get off work and when Keith gets off. I have to admit that I feel a twinge of anxiety over that as well. I'm fat, I know that. But I just have this fear that there is some kind of gym etiquette that I know nothing about and that I'll somehow be a laughing stock for some muscle bound man or woman. I'm also a bit nervous about getting sweaty and winded in a gym of people in better shape than myself. "Look over there at Fatty McFatAss on the treadmill! Listen to her WHEEZE!" I know, I know! I make too big a deal out of everything but that never seems to stop me from thinking this stuff. Again, I'm sure after the first harrowing few days that I won't even notice there are other people in the gym and I'll go about my business in my quest to wear a bathing suit (even a ONE piece) without feeling like a Shar Pei in a condom. And for those that don't know - a Shar Pei are those really wrinkly dogs. Lovely mental image now, huh?
Anyway, against my better judgement I have decided that I would document this venture into physical fitness by posting vlogs here as well as my normal textual ramblings. I will say though, that I know that I'm fat and unattractive so any negative comments really aren't necessary. I will save everyone the nightmare of me being scantily clad and saying "Look how fat I am!" and instead just wear normal clothes. I think that will be more than enough to show a progression. I'm sure as I loose weight that I will replace my tent like clothes with more form fitting things and so on.
So yeah, I will probably start that on .... Monday? Maybe I'll do it tomorrow - a vlog that is. I'll talk for a bit instead of typing so much. Then after my first workout on Tuesday I'll talk about what exercises I did. I'm sure I'll whine a lot about how its such hard work - but who doesn't?! Anyway - this is still all just an idea in my head and may not even come to light. The vlog thing I mean, not the exercise. I MUST MUST MUST make myself exercise. I've decided that I am going to try to save up for Keith and I to take a cruise next year because .. well .. I think a cruise would be awesome and I've never been on one!
Alrighty, so I'm going to make myself some lunch and probably just start a bliptv account OR just upload my vlogs directly to here .. not sure what I'm going to do yet. I refuse to do it on YouTube because a lot of people that I don't even know are subscribed to me and I'd hate for them to be watching such a personal 'thing' when it isn't REALLY meant for such a wide audience. I'm rambling again ...
The past few weeks have been nothing but running around and doing lots of paperwork, so I'm really just glad all that is over. Now I just have to psych myself up. I always feel so ... weird ... when I'm the new person at a job. I have this problem where I'm so eager to please that I feel like I'm overcompensating for my nervousness and just the overall fear that I always think that I know I won't fit in. I somehow think I'm not the only one.
I've lost a lot of confidence in myself in the past year I've noticed. Some of it is because I didn't fit in where I came from - and I just automatically tell myself that I won't fit. The truth is - sometimes I probably could fit in if I'd only give other people a chance. I see it as, well I'm so damned off the wall that no one could possibly get me, but maybe they would if I'd warm up to them.
Tree has been the only friend I've really made here so far, and in May it will make one year. Don't get me wrong, she is positively lovely and I love this strange 'say nothing' connection she and I have ... but I sort of feel a bit of a hermit for not having more friends.
I hear people talk about how they go out every so often with their friends and leave their husband/wife at home, and I just find it hard to even envision myself doing that. Just saying "Hey Keith, me and Insert Name from work are going to go hang out. I'll be back in a couple hours." He and I have done everything together since I can remember. So are he and I the unconventional ones ... or is it just weird to take a night out for yourself? No idea. I don't even understand it. I can understand getting away from kids or something like that, though.
Tuesday I start work, and it feels weird knowing exactly when my anxiety is going to start. I've never been great with strangers or new people and I tend to be a bit TOO outgoing at times in such situations. I've decided that this time I'll be the quiet one and get to know other people I work with. I'll be the one that listens instead of talks. It will be a harsh switch - but I think that such a change is kinda crucial to making new friends.
I think what started all this was when I was filling out my paperwork and the lady said "You have to have at least one contact here in England that knows you that we can contact." I didn't know who to tell her! They also had to have an APO address which further narrowed it down that it had to be a military person. Yeah I've met a couple of the guys Keith works with, but none well enough to say 'Yes you can contact this person and they know me.' I even had to call Keith at work and ask him to get someone's address. I felt bad because I've only met the guy maybe a half dozen times, and haven't ever really had a real conversation with him .. but hey we play Lord of the Rings Online and are in the same guild so that counts for something, doesn't it?!
For the first time in a year I will be on a schedule which wasn't set by me, and that's a bit daunting as well. I already feel a bit hindered and as if someone is trying to 'control' me, even though the logical part of me says "This is how a job works, dumbass!" because .. well .. I know how it goes. Even though I know 'how it is' .. that doesn't seem to make it any better. At least right now. I'm sure once I settle in and get in the swing then I'll have forgotten that I felt this way to begin with.
Keith may be going to Morocco for three weeks to be an extra in a movie - which means I'll be here all alone. That would make the first time I've been alone since I moved away from my hometown to be with him, and that's a bit daunting as well. But I'm sure I'm making a big deal about it mentally - but when time comes those three weeks will just fly by. And hey, he gets paid pretty well for it. This is, of course, IF he gets chosen. So far, no word.
I'm also going to start working out after work since I will have nearly 3 hours between the time I get off work and when Keith gets off. I have to admit that I feel a twinge of anxiety over that as well. I'm fat, I know that. But I just have this fear that there is some kind of gym etiquette that I know nothing about and that I'll somehow be a laughing stock for some muscle bound man or woman. I'm also a bit nervous about getting sweaty and winded in a gym of people in better shape than myself. "Look over there at Fatty McFatAss on the treadmill! Listen to her WHEEZE!" I know, I know! I make too big a deal out of everything but that never seems to stop me from thinking this stuff. Again, I'm sure after the first harrowing few days that I won't even notice there are other people in the gym and I'll go about my business in my quest to wear a bathing suit (even a ONE piece) without feeling like a Shar Pei in a condom. And for those that don't know - a Shar Pei are those really wrinkly dogs. Lovely mental image now, huh?
Anyway, against my better judgement I have decided that I would document this venture into physical fitness by posting vlogs here as well as my normal textual ramblings. I will say though, that I know that I'm fat and unattractive so any negative comments really aren't necessary. I will save everyone the nightmare of me being scantily clad and saying "Look how fat I am!" and instead just wear normal clothes. I think that will be more than enough to show a progression. I'm sure as I loose weight that I will replace my tent like clothes with more form fitting things and so on.
So yeah, I will probably start that on .... Monday? Maybe I'll do it tomorrow - a vlog that is. I'll talk for a bit instead of typing so much. Then after my first workout on Tuesday I'll talk about what exercises I did. I'm sure I'll whine a lot about how its such hard work - but who doesn't?! Anyway - this is still all just an idea in my head and may not even come to light. The vlog thing I mean, not the exercise. I MUST MUST MUST make myself exercise. I've decided that I am going to try to save up for Keith and I to take a cruise next year because .. well .. I think a cruise would be awesome and I've never been on one!
Alrighty, so I'm going to make myself some lunch and probably just start a bliptv account OR just upload my vlogs directly to here .. not sure what I'm going to do yet. I refuse to do it on YouTube because a lot of people that I don't even know are subscribed to me and I'd hate for them to be watching such a personal 'thing' when it isn't REALLY meant for such a wide audience. I'm rambling again ...
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Wrapping Paper Sucks
When I lived at home with my parents, I used to have my mom wrap all my gifts because she was SO particular. She liked them to be wrapped a certain way, and they had to look pretty. I never really understood because hey - they're just going to get torn open anyway, right?! Well the other day I couldn't find scissors to wrap a few of Keith's gifts so I ended up just ripping the paper from the roll. A day or two later he wrapped his gifts to me and sat them under our little one foot tall fiber optic tree and I immediately sulked.
He put so much time and effort into wrapping my gifts and here mine looked like complete crap in comparison. No idea why that bothered me, but it did! I felt like some kind of Christmas failure. He's already dubbed me Miss Grinch - and seeing our wrapping jobs next to each other just made it all worse.
I have one gift of his left to wrap, and I've decided that I'm going to put some effort into wrapping it. We haven't got any ribbon or bows - but I am still going to at least make it look better than the shoddy job I did on the others.
We share so many interests - but holiday cheer is not one of them. I really have tried, but no dice. People decking their houses out with lights is somewhat a new 'thing' here in England, but in the States nearly everyone does it. I kind of expect that sort of thing out of Americans. America is the land of excess, the country of waste. Who cares about how much electricity we waste on all those decorations - looks good don't it?! Here we separate all our trash in order to put things in our recycle bin which is about 3x the size of our trash bin. The inspection for cars is far more in depth here than in America ... but now England is splurging and tossing aside their green way of things in favor of having twinkling lights all over their cottages, bungalows, and flats. It makes me feel bad, in a way. I really don't know how to explain it.
Keith and I haven't really made any friends here. Nearly everyone he works with is well older than we are - and if they aren't then they have at least two kids which immediately puts a bit of a damper on things. We have, however, met up with our Second Life friend Treebee - and she has definitely stepped up to the unknown challenge of taking the place of my best friend.
Okay so she isn't really my BEST friend because how could anyone ever fill the gap of my REAL best friend, Stefanie? They couldn't. Stef and I have known each other since we were 15 (Holy crap 12 years already?!) and we have been through so much together. We're sisters, really. Not the bickering type sisters, but the kind that finishes each others' sentences. Though Tree is well older than I am (her daughter is 15) she has this amazing aura about her. She and I are eerily alike in amazingly so many ways that it almost puts me off. Things that I like (that Stef doesn't) and I think - no one could ever like THAT - Tree likes it! She just puts off this energy that makes you want to just hug her. She's so raw and honest, yet carefree and cautious. Its really hard for me to describe.
Keith and I have invited Tree, her man, and her daughter over for Christmas dinner. Last Christmas Keith was still living in the dorms on the military base, and his suite mate was on leave so it was just us. It was charming, really - but it was quite sterile. Even though I didn't have a great holiday family I still missed the anxiety of getting things together for them.
Its weird, really. I hate cleaning house - but I love cleaning it when I know that Tree and her lot are coming over. I'm not cleaning the house for me, I'm doing it for them. Yes, I know they wouldn't care if my house looked like complete shite - but it feels like I'm reaching some sort of goal when I do it.
I've only just noticed that I'm jumping around a lot in what I'm writing, but I'm just going with whatever comes to mind. Sorry if it seems frantic :(
I haven't started working out yet. Keith wanted to go one day last week, but I had my monthly and really wasn't feeling up to it (who could blame me?!) I'm still not sure if or when I will feel compelled enough to actually get my arse in gear and work out. A big part is that since we've been together I feel so physically dwarfed by his good looks. He's tall and thin with a great personality. He's a people pleaser. He's just a good guy. I'm short and fat with a weird personality that couldn't be bothered with what anyone else thinks .. unless I'm with him. I think my deviant self is really an embarrassment to him or something. I think that somehow, somewhere inside him that he HAS to be embarrassed of how I look. Skinny blond bloke like him should have a skinny bird on his arm. Not some loud mouth mix of Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnel with a heavy helping of Bjork's eccentricity. Not that I don't love every one of those women (who are so outspoken about politics, feminism, and art) but it never feels like it suits him.
Time and time again I've heard lines of if you're happy with yourself then you've got it made. I am happy with myself. I really don't have a problem with my body - but I just feel like I'm not as .. well .. hot as I should be, I guess.
Never has Keith said "You're fat and I find you unattractive." Hell, I've never even caught him oogling a prettier woman which means he's either A) way more slick than I could ever imagine or B) I really put too much stock in how I think I'm looked upon. It isn't as shallow as what I'm wearing because I'm shameless when it comes to clothes. I will wear the tackiest shit because I like it! But its because as the years go by its harder and harder to find clothes. I really don't like wearing what I can only call a 'tent'. I want to wear weird leg warmers and 3 shirts at the same time. Maybe some hot pink holographic tights under a skirt with a pair of worn out yellow Chuck Taylor's. But I can't. I'm too fat.
Then it comes back around. I'm too fat but I know working out won't do a thing for me. Argue all you want, but even in high school when I was what I would NOW call thin (5'4 140lbs) I ran more than a mile every day - yet still I was round. I had a belly pooch. I had dimples on my thighs. When I sat down my stomach still rolled over the top of my jeans! At one point I even did the no carb thing - and I didn't lose a pound. I only got more tired! I've been reading and at this stage in my life I am considered obese. I used to think that it took far more to be obese, but I've hit that mark. Women who weigh more than like 200lbs are considered obese, and that really bothers me. Not the WORD obese, but the health risks that come with it.
There are surgical procedures that can be done, but being on military health care I can't have a one of them. I don't see a Lt. Col. calling me back to surgery to have my gut stapled. It just won't happen. I also don't see how I would get anything like that done here in England where you are 3x as likely to die of easily curable cancers like colon cancer than in the States. And see, I've gone and freaked myself out. BAH!
Working out won't hurt anything. My shins won't let me run anymore due to all the hard running in high school for the tennis and softball teams - but I could ride an exercise bike I'd bet. I'm sure that if I started out with just like ... 15 mins on a bike then walked a mile or so on a treadmill that the results would start to show. I've heard NOTHING but GOOD things about pilates, but I don't think I live anywhere near a gym that offers such a thing.
I'm not sure what to do, but I'll do something. Sometime. Maybe.
He put so much time and effort into wrapping my gifts and here mine looked like complete crap in comparison. No idea why that bothered me, but it did! I felt like some kind of Christmas failure. He's already dubbed me Miss Grinch - and seeing our wrapping jobs next to each other just made it all worse.
I have one gift of his left to wrap, and I've decided that I'm going to put some effort into wrapping it. We haven't got any ribbon or bows - but I am still going to at least make it look better than the shoddy job I did on the others.
We share so many interests - but holiday cheer is not one of them. I really have tried, but no dice. People decking their houses out with lights is somewhat a new 'thing' here in England, but in the States nearly everyone does it. I kind of expect that sort of thing out of Americans. America is the land of excess, the country of waste. Who cares about how much electricity we waste on all those decorations - looks good don't it?! Here we separate all our trash in order to put things in our recycle bin which is about 3x the size of our trash bin. The inspection for cars is far more in depth here than in America ... but now England is splurging and tossing aside their green way of things in favor of having twinkling lights all over their cottages, bungalows, and flats. It makes me feel bad, in a way. I really don't know how to explain it.
Keith and I haven't really made any friends here. Nearly everyone he works with is well older than we are - and if they aren't then they have at least two kids which immediately puts a bit of a damper on things. We have, however, met up with our Second Life friend Treebee - and she has definitely stepped up to the unknown challenge of taking the place of my best friend.
Okay so she isn't really my BEST friend because how could anyone ever fill the gap of my REAL best friend, Stefanie? They couldn't. Stef and I have known each other since we were 15 (Holy crap 12 years already?!) and we have been through so much together. We're sisters, really. Not the bickering type sisters, but the kind that finishes each others' sentences. Though Tree is well older than I am (her daughter is 15) she has this amazing aura about her. She and I are eerily alike in amazingly so many ways that it almost puts me off. Things that I like (that Stef doesn't) and I think - no one could ever like THAT - Tree likes it! She just puts off this energy that makes you want to just hug her. She's so raw and honest, yet carefree and cautious. Its really hard for me to describe.
Keith and I have invited Tree, her man, and her daughter over for Christmas dinner. Last Christmas Keith was still living in the dorms on the military base, and his suite mate was on leave so it was just us. It was charming, really - but it was quite sterile. Even though I didn't have a great holiday family I still missed the anxiety of getting things together for them.
Its weird, really. I hate cleaning house - but I love cleaning it when I know that Tree and her lot are coming over. I'm not cleaning the house for me, I'm doing it for them. Yes, I know they wouldn't care if my house looked like complete shite - but it feels like I'm reaching some sort of goal when I do it.
I've only just noticed that I'm jumping around a lot in what I'm writing, but I'm just going with whatever comes to mind. Sorry if it seems frantic :(
I haven't started working out yet. Keith wanted to go one day last week, but I had my monthly and really wasn't feeling up to it (who could blame me?!) I'm still not sure if or when I will feel compelled enough to actually get my arse in gear and work out. A big part is that since we've been together I feel so physically dwarfed by his good looks. He's tall and thin with a great personality. He's a people pleaser. He's just a good guy. I'm short and fat with a weird personality that couldn't be bothered with what anyone else thinks .. unless I'm with him. I think my deviant self is really an embarrassment to him or something. I think that somehow, somewhere inside him that he HAS to be embarrassed of how I look. Skinny blond bloke like him should have a skinny bird on his arm. Not some loud mouth mix of Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnel with a heavy helping of Bjork's eccentricity. Not that I don't love every one of those women (who are so outspoken about politics, feminism, and art) but it never feels like it suits him.
Time and time again I've heard lines of if you're happy with yourself then you've got it made. I am happy with myself. I really don't have a problem with my body - but I just feel like I'm not as .. well .. hot as I should be, I guess.
Never has Keith said "You're fat and I find you unattractive." Hell, I've never even caught him oogling a prettier woman which means he's either A) way more slick than I could ever imagine or B) I really put too much stock in how I think I'm looked upon. It isn't as shallow as what I'm wearing because I'm shameless when it comes to clothes. I will wear the tackiest shit because I like it! But its because as the years go by its harder and harder to find clothes. I really don't like wearing what I can only call a 'tent'. I want to wear weird leg warmers and 3 shirts at the same time. Maybe some hot pink holographic tights under a skirt with a pair of worn out yellow Chuck Taylor's. But I can't. I'm too fat.
Then it comes back around. I'm too fat but I know working out won't do a thing for me. Argue all you want, but even in high school when I was what I would NOW call thin (5'4 140lbs) I ran more than a mile every day - yet still I was round. I had a belly pooch. I had dimples on my thighs. When I sat down my stomach still rolled over the top of my jeans! At one point I even did the no carb thing - and I didn't lose a pound. I only got more tired! I've been reading and at this stage in my life I am considered obese. I used to think that it took far more to be obese, but I've hit that mark. Women who weigh more than like 200lbs are considered obese, and that really bothers me. Not the WORD obese, but the health risks that come with it.
There are surgical procedures that can be done, but being on military health care I can't have a one of them. I don't see a Lt. Col. calling me back to surgery to have my gut stapled. It just won't happen. I also don't see how I would get anything like that done here in England where you are 3x as likely to die of easily curable cancers like colon cancer than in the States. And see, I've gone and freaked myself out. BAH!
Working out won't hurt anything. My shins won't let me run anymore due to all the hard running in high school for the tennis and softball teams - but I could ride an exercise bike I'd bet. I'm sure that if I started out with just like ... 15 mins on a bike then walked a mile or so on a treadmill that the results would start to show. I've heard NOTHING but GOOD things about pilates, but I don't think I live anywhere near a gym that offers such a thing.
I'm not sure what to do, but I'll do something. Sometime. Maybe.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
WHY OHHHH WHYYY! Oh the HUMANITY!!!!!
Alright so as most know I have been saving up to buy a lil plot of land. I'm up to a little over 9k now (I've started splitting profit from the wedding videos ... Keith doesn't know YET) and have oooh about 30K to go.
I already hate it. I hate not spending any money!! All these designers are putting out shit I want so I just sit .. stare at the pics .. sigh .. then walk away. I've never really been a shopper. I don't even change clothes more than once a week ... but when I want something I normally get it. But now? Now that has been taken from me ... by .. me!
I don't really care if I don't have a new skin, and I don't really care if I don't have new clothes - I could use some new hair - but y'know I doubt if I'd even wear the new hair much. I pretty much just stick with the same few hairstyles honestly.
Alright so I still have a long way to go in order to get any land .. then after that I have to buy a prefab. I was going to buy one a few weeks back - but now I'm glad I didn't after seeing how common it is in SL. HOWEVER: I do still really like that prefab and may still get it anyway. Why shouldn't I? If I changed my hair/clothes every time I saw someone else with the same outfit on I'd never have the same shit on for more than a couple hours at most.
The 'semi downside' to the land I want is that its next door to JellyBean and HawksRock and I really think they'd prefer their privacy - but GOD its such a nice sim! And fairly cheap! And its soooo quiet! So I've really got some thinking to do. I'm sure by the time I save up that 40k that the plot I want will be gone so the 'me being respectful of space' issue won't be an issue ... but the issue will be more of me keeping the reigns tight on myself so that I don't spend what I've saved!!! Its so hard though!
I guess my problem is that I read too many blogs so I see all this shit the designers put out and I go "ooooooh" and "Ahhhhhh" then suddenly I go "Wahhhhhhhh" because i remember that I'm SAVING. It'll all be worth it in the end, right?
Song of the Day
Where'd You Go by Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Keith loves that song ^^
I already hate it. I hate not spending any money!! All these designers are putting out shit I want so I just sit .. stare at the pics .. sigh .. then walk away. I've never really been a shopper. I don't even change clothes more than once a week ... but when I want something I normally get it. But now? Now that has been taken from me ... by .. me!
I don't really care if I don't have a new skin, and I don't really care if I don't have new clothes - I could use some new hair - but y'know I doubt if I'd even wear the new hair much. I pretty much just stick with the same few hairstyles honestly.
Alright so I still have a long way to go in order to get any land .. then after that I have to buy a prefab. I was going to buy one a few weeks back - but now I'm glad I didn't after seeing how common it is in SL. HOWEVER: I do still really like that prefab and may still get it anyway. Why shouldn't I? If I changed my hair/clothes every time I saw someone else with the same outfit on I'd never have the same shit on for more than a couple hours at most.
The 'semi downside' to the land I want is that its next door to JellyBean and HawksRock and I really think they'd prefer their privacy - but GOD its such a nice sim! And fairly cheap! And its soooo quiet! So I've really got some thinking to do. I'm sure by the time I save up that 40k that the plot I want will be gone so the 'me being respectful of space' issue won't be an issue ... but the issue will be more of me keeping the reigns tight on myself so that I don't spend what I've saved!!! Its so hard though!
I guess my problem is that I read too many blogs so I see all this shit the designers put out and I go "ooooooh" and "Ahhhhhh" then suddenly I go "Wahhhhhhhh" because i remember that I'm SAVING. It'll all be worth it in the end, right?
Song of the Day
Where'd You Go by Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Keith loves that song ^^
Friday, August 10, 2007
Fwap!
I love my husband. He happens to be quite attractive (in my eyes anyway) and very romantical. However, he never seems to do what I ask him to do without putting up an argument like a teenager. And .. some days it makes me wanna just thump his nose! I know he does it just to annoy me - but rawgh! Even though I get over it about 15 minutes later it still aggravates me. I can't ask him to do something (like fold laundry) without hearing things like "But YOU always fold it, why do I gotta fold it? If I fold it .. its just gonna be messed up." And that just drives me up the wall! I wonder if its just his way of trying to get out of doing it ... or if its some 'husband' chromosome that activates in all men once they get married. Its probably a combination of both.
I tried really hard to stay on the 6am - 3pm sleep schedule but Keith keeps switching it around. Some days he'll come home at like 8am and stay up until 2pm then want to go to bed .. but I went to bed hours ago and am ready to get up about the time he's winding down. Today he came home from work at about 8am and stayed up until about 9:30pm and is now sound asleep when this is like my normal 'lunch' time.
For once I decided to sit out in the conservatory and brought my laptop out here (since my computer died *emotear*) so that I can sit and type my chubby little fingers off without waking Keith up.
He bought us an Xbox 360 Elite yesterday - but totally skimped on the game. He picked up some 20$ thing that was kinda cute and funny at first but has quickly gotten stale to me. Anyway we've been playing Rayman off and on .. and I pretty much just don't play unless its the music/dancing challenge where its kinda like DDR or Elite Beat Agents. Not only because I like it .. but because Keith doesn't have much rhythm. Its okay though - it works out better that way because I hate the shooting stages.
Due to the death of my computer I haven't logged into SL except to send IMs to those that have scheduled weddings to follow up and make sure there have been no changes to their plans. Other than that I just haven't really been in the mood. Of course I'll log in on Keith's computer when I have to film these weddings but until then I'm just not really gunnin for #1 right now. I'm just chillin.
So yeah sitting out here in the conservatory with a big can of Strongbow (and its NOT a Chav drink outside the city. REALLY!) and some cigarettes that I haven't smoked but probably will here soon. I'm not sure why ... but its just relaxing to me. Keith only likes smoking from the hookah but pfft after a few beers or ciders I don't care! I made some hummus earlier which flopped, actually :( I used a bit too much lemon juice even though I used LESS than what the recipe said to use! Meh trial and error I guess. It wasn't HORRIBLE but it wasn't good either :( I tried!
Keith has been writing a lot on a series, but I still don't know when he'll film it. He's pretty much done it alone. When he's got free time at work (and it happens a LOT) he'll write a page or two of a script. He's had me brainstorm with him on a few occasions but it isn't to get a story down, its more or less to just develop is own so I haven't really played a part in the process. Not that I really mind because I honestly haven't felt up to writing anything lately. I think its just because of putting so much energy into these weddings - but I can't be sure.
OMG I watched like 40 million episodes of Buffy last night and the night before and man I forgot how much I love that show! I really miss it :( I may have to get Keith to buy season DvDs of it. That and Charmed! I loved that show too! It was better after Shannon Doherty died off and was replaced by Rose McGowan IMHO. I think I was just "Brenda'd" out from all my years of watching 90210 as a tween. But yeah - totally good show after her ass was gone.
I know I've totally just rambled through this whole post - but I'm on my way to drunk right now so deal with it! At least I'm spelling pretty well, but even if I weren't it isn't like anyone else would know - that's what that ABC button is for at the top. I win!
So with my computer's death has come the end of my SL Dj'ing for a bit. It makes me kinda sad because I was going to use that DJ money for land in SL in order to slap a prefab on and give myself a little office type thing .. but NooOOooOooo sabotaged. Okay it wasn't REALLY sabotage but that doesn't make me like it any more! It does suck, though. Just when I think I have everything figured out .. FWAP .. some obstacle slaps me in the forehead. Oh well. It'll all get back on track sometime soon.
I still haven't uploaded the London pics to Flickr yet - but I do plan to sometime soon. I don't even think Keith has uploaded them yet. I'll get around to it in the next couple days I'm sure. Right now I really dunno what else I could possible say or even give any kind of update on .. so I'll just back away slowlyyyyy
I tried really hard to stay on the 6am - 3pm sleep schedule but Keith keeps switching it around. Some days he'll come home at like 8am and stay up until 2pm then want to go to bed .. but I went to bed hours ago and am ready to get up about the time he's winding down. Today he came home from work at about 8am and stayed up until about 9:30pm and is now sound asleep when this is like my normal 'lunch' time.
For once I decided to sit out in the conservatory and brought my laptop out here (since my computer died *emotear*) so that I can sit and type my chubby little fingers off without waking Keith up.
He bought us an Xbox 360 Elite yesterday - but totally skimped on the game. He picked up some 20$ thing that was kinda cute and funny at first but has quickly gotten stale to me. Anyway we've been playing Rayman off and on .. and I pretty much just don't play unless its the music/dancing challenge where its kinda like DDR or Elite Beat Agents. Not only because I like it .. but because Keith doesn't have much rhythm. Its okay though - it works out better that way because I hate the shooting stages.
Due to the death of my computer I haven't logged into SL except to send IMs to those that have scheduled weddings to follow up and make sure there have been no changes to their plans. Other than that I just haven't really been in the mood. Of course I'll log in on Keith's computer when I have to film these weddings but until then I'm just not really gunnin for #1 right now. I'm just chillin.
So yeah sitting out here in the conservatory with a big can of Strongbow (and its NOT a Chav drink outside the city. REALLY!) and some cigarettes that I haven't smoked but probably will here soon. I'm not sure why ... but its just relaxing to me. Keith only likes smoking from the hookah but pfft after a few beers or ciders I don't care! I made some hummus earlier which flopped, actually :( I used a bit too much lemon juice even though I used LESS than what the recipe said to use! Meh trial and error I guess. It wasn't HORRIBLE but it wasn't good either :( I tried!
Keith has been writing a lot on a series, but I still don't know when he'll film it. He's pretty much done it alone. When he's got free time at work (and it happens a LOT) he'll write a page or two of a script. He's had me brainstorm with him on a few occasions but it isn't to get a story down, its more or less to just develop is own so I haven't really played a part in the process. Not that I really mind because I honestly haven't felt up to writing anything lately. I think its just because of putting so much energy into these weddings - but I can't be sure.
OMG I watched like 40 million episodes of Buffy last night and the night before and man I forgot how much I love that show! I really miss it :( I may have to get Keith to buy season DvDs of it. That and Charmed! I loved that show too! It was better after Shannon Doherty died off and was replaced by Rose McGowan IMHO. I think I was just "Brenda'd" out from all my years of watching 90210 as a tween. But yeah - totally good show after her ass was gone.
I know I've totally just rambled through this whole post - but I'm on my way to drunk right now so deal with it! At least I'm spelling pretty well, but even if I weren't it isn't like anyone else would know - that's what that ABC button is for at the top. I win!
So with my computer's death has come the end of my SL Dj'ing for a bit. It makes me kinda sad because I was going to use that DJ money for land in SL in order to slap a prefab on and give myself a little office type thing .. but NooOOooOooo sabotaged. Okay it wasn't REALLY sabotage but that doesn't make me like it any more! It does suck, though. Just when I think I have everything figured out .. FWAP .. some obstacle slaps me in the forehead. Oh well. It'll all get back on track sometime soon.
I still haven't uploaded the London pics to Flickr yet - but I do plan to sometime soon. I don't even think Keith has uploaded them yet. I'll get around to it in the next couple days I'm sure. Right now I really dunno what else I could possible say or even give any kind of update on .. so I'll just back away slowlyyyyy
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I know I said I was going to do a new layout but so far I just haven't gotten to it. I will sometime soon - but not yet.
I was a bit sickly the past couple days, but I'm pretty convinced that it was a coupling of having no sleep and not eating right. Today I've felt a bit better, though a little knackered. I'd think within the next couple of weeks I should have new stuffs going here.
Getting things together in order to post for Mean Girls has been a breeze for me so far. No I'm not posting on the most 'controversial' things but I'm posting on things that bother me or I feel should be at least acknowledged by someone other than me!
Garbage totally revamped Appearance Mode and in case no one noticed he booted out like everyone. Not that it mattered cuz I had kinda stopped posting over there due to being buried faster than Anna Nicole could eat a Xanax. But now its gone from Sasy being the only one that posts to Garbage being the only one. Have fun with that, I guess. Being kicked out without a word - not even so much as "Kiss my ass" has left me a bit bitter. Could've at least notified me somehow, Garb :( I mean seriously.
So far I think I've really fit in with the Mean Girls crowd. I've already known most of 'em (save for Laylah) for almost two years. I'm not the nice one (Rosie) but I'm not the one everyone wants kicked off the island (Laylah :P) but I'm somewhere in the middle which surprises me after the backlash from my "caLLie coNUNdrum" post I did.
Keith and I are still doing weddings and filming and editing our asses off. Okay so its been mostly him but what can I expect when in competition with his reputation? Of course people will go around me to get him to film their wedding ... even though it really makes no difference. BAH whatever.
My days lately have been spent in SL just visiting wedding sims and trying to get note cards out to peeps in hopes of booking some video gigs. I guess its been a slow time for weddings or people either don't know that we film and edit weddings - or they are just letting their friends film/edit? I dunno but people c'mon. We spent 5k on his bad ass computer. Let us USE it! Right now the money made from weddings is going to be used to buy ME a bad ass computer so people won't have any reason to 'doubt' me. I can get good FPS in order to film now - but I would get Bebop Quality with a better computer (which I WILL get, dang it.)
SL has really gotten boring for me aside from a few small perks. I bought a cute wand/staff thing from Abigail Horton's shop and its served as a great means of entertainment. The downside is .. when I'm out in public all those shirtless guys with ponytails are all like "Oh you bad girl out without your collar on." I' all like "Fool I'm not a slave - I'm a wizard!" Bah. Whatever.
At any rate - I've been working in SL to either turn acquaintances into friends - or just get rid of the acquaintances all together. Or am I just being all menstrual emo? Who knows.
I was a bit sickly the past couple days, but I'm pretty convinced that it was a coupling of having no sleep and not eating right. Today I've felt a bit better, though a little knackered. I'd think within the next couple of weeks I should have new stuffs going here.
Getting things together in order to post for Mean Girls has been a breeze for me so far. No I'm not posting on the most 'controversial' things but I'm posting on things that bother me or I feel should be at least acknowledged by someone other than me!
Garbage totally revamped Appearance Mode and in case no one noticed he booted out like everyone. Not that it mattered cuz I had kinda stopped posting over there due to being buried faster than Anna Nicole could eat a Xanax. But now its gone from Sasy being the only one that posts to Garbage being the only one. Have fun with that, I guess. Being kicked out without a word - not even so much as "Kiss my ass" has left me a bit bitter. Could've at least notified me somehow, Garb :( I mean seriously.
So far I think I've really fit in with the Mean Girls crowd. I've already known most of 'em (save for Laylah) for almost two years. I'm not the nice one (Rosie) but I'm not the one everyone wants kicked off the island (Laylah :P) but I'm somewhere in the middle which surprises me after the backlash from my "caLLie coNUNdrum" post I did.
Keith and I are still doing weddings and filming and editing our asses off. Okay so its been mostly him but what can I expect when in competition with his reputation? Of course people will go around me to get him to film their wedding ... even though it really makes no difference. BAH whatever.
My days lately have been spent in SL just visiting wedding sims and trying to get note cards out to peeps in hopes of booking some video gigs. I guess its been a slow time for weddings or people either don't know that we film and edit weddings - or they are just letting their friends film/edit? I dunno but people c'mon. We spent 5k on his bad ass computer. Let us USE it! Right now the money made from weddings is going to be used to buy ME a bad ass computer so people won't have any reason to 'doubt' me. I can get good FPS in order to film now - but I would get Bebop Quality with a better computer (which I WILL get, dang it.)
SL has really gotten boring for me aside from a few small perks. I bought a cute wand/staff thing from Abigail Horton's shop and its served as a great means of entertainment. The downside is .. when I'm out in public all those shirtless guys with ponytails are all like "Oh you bad girl out without your collar on." I' all like "Fool I'm not a slave - I'm a wizard!" Bah. Whatever.
At any rate - I've been working in SL to either turn acquaintances into friends - or just get rid of the acquaintances all together. Or am I just being all menstrual emo? Who knows.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
You Really Think You'd Get Away with That?!
So lately it seems that whole 'ageplay' thing is really starting to be a controversy. I'd say it is a problem but some don't feel it is. Alright please explain this to me? Wait let me try first, ok?
"We are consenting adults engaging in activity which we find entertaining/artful"
My answer: Are you really adults? Do you know the other person in real life and not over a microphone. I'm talking actually shaken hands.
"This is an imaginary activity which isn't harmful as it isn't really happening"
My Answer: There's absolutely nothing wrong about fantasizing. Even fantasizing about something illegal but you are ACTING on that fantasy and therefore portraying an illegal and immoral act (even 3rd world countries frown upon child prostitution)
The BackseatI've sat back for quite a while on this issue while it ran rampant on other blogs and sims and was in my face a few times at clubs even. Seriously - even if you've never molested a child but have child pornography on your computer/walls/a magazine in your bathroom drawer - it is still illegal and punishable by law. Even if you've never acted on that fantasy (and doing such things in SL would be considered action) it is still illegal.
Here is just a wonderful way to keep yourself out of trouble, drama, handcuffs, controversy:
- If you have to stop and ask yourself if you will hurt anyone - don't do it.
- If you feel bad after you did it - it was wrong.
- Before you do anything ask yourself "Self, is this illegal in any country?" -- if Yes STOP
- And as far as video games go (MMO, RPG, MMORPG, Simulator etc) just ask:
I think if people actually used some common sense and a little restraint everything would be fine. Running around in a kid shape pulling people's hair is fine. Its a little creepy - but fine. Running around in a kid shape hoping to score isn't. Nor is running around as an adult hoping to score a wee one.
You know what they do to child molesters in jail, don't you? Knock it off! For fuck's sake!
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Mean Girls Guide to SLHuzzah! JellyBean decided to feature my blog as the 'blog to watch' .. at least for the week! I'm sure it was weird to have such a non descriptive descritpion. I know, I'm handful.
The Good - The Bad - The STFUIn WoW I belong to a guild, which is normal isn't it? We are a small guild in a RP server which means we run instances and do quests. No fun Durotar raids or anything like that for the most part (though I do pick fights with guards outside little towns and outposts just to start shit).
Anyway - so this guild of like 15 people max (even though nearly all of us are 70s) had a meeting. I was told this ventrillo guild meeting was 'mandatory' and that I had to attend. This being right after they made some stupid website through Guild Portals which I was told I had to sign up on. Alright I signed up on your stupid ass site that just tells me things that I could know if I logged into vent being as there are only 5ish of us that use Vent regularly. I even had to make a dumbass username (PooPooWagon) just to USE this site that I haven't even visited since I have made that account. Now you're going to tell me that I HAVE to attend this stupid meeting? Take a flying leap, alright?
For one, I'm a little bit opposition defiant and when anyone tells me that I have to do something I'm almost always inclined to just not do it at all - just to show you or anyone else just how little I actually have to do it. Two - I pay every month to play this game. Ok well I don't pay for it Keith does - but still that's my pop money! And when you take my pop money .. and start making demands of me .. I start debating which makes me happier .. pop or WoW. And sadly sometimes its just pop. In a game which I pay to play - I like to have fun. I like to not be bossed around by a bunch of 40somethings that think being the leader of a guild somehow gives them power over peoples' personal lives. Maybe it would be different if we were raiding Karazan or something .. which we aren't because only two people have the attunement and are too stuck on themselves to help the rest of us finish the last part ... whatever Anonymous WoW Guild - this warlock has other things to do betches!
Trip Hop is your FriendFor whatever reason I got a wild hair and decided to go to a few clubs in SL. Nothing has changed in the year or more that I've stayed away from the club scene. The same color events or attempts at getting people naked still happen. Let me sum up the entire club event list for you:
Best Ass
Back in (Insert goth color here ie: Red Black or leather though it isn't a color)
Devils and Angels
Naughty Schoolgirls
And ya know - the DJs are all the same too. They all play the same music as if they are all the same person or at least grabbing shit from the same torrent. I knew it was a bad idea to tell people the title of that song two years ago. Consider this my public apology because even I, after all this time, cannot stomach to hear that fucking Josie Nunez song one more time. I realize that many people believe this to be a new hip song but it isn't. That song is NOT awesome, people! It wasn't even that great two years ago when it was lilke 3 years old! And if I hear Pink - Oh My God one more time I will choke a bitch. What is wrong with people?!
I used to DJ in Second Life but stopped after I was told I had to stop playing what I like and take requests. Normally I wouldn't care if everyone else had at least tolerable taste. I don't mind entertaining people .. but ya know I have to listen to that music too. Oh and Respect by Pantera isn't a new song either - even though people treat it like it is. Pft people that song was out when I was like 10 at least if not younger I swear.
And playing music through SAM doesn't constitute as a live DJ. Any monkey can do that. Also? I get sick of the 'howls' at clubs. Come up with a new gesture to use - same goes for that 'Yeeehaww' shit. I won't even go there - but I've had my fill of rednecks IRL for the rest of my RL thanks. And I'm talking HeeHaw shit people! /rant
Blog CensorshipI love the fact that Six invited me to write for Appearance Mode way back when. She and I have been friends since we were both pretty much noobs - and she's grown to at least tolerate my opinions and views on things. The problem is: I have to censor myself on her blog. She says not to outright bash anyone - which I don't do even here on my personal blog (except that whole guild thing up there ^^) And here's a part that I'll just call:
What I'd Really Like to Say
Dear Blogger,
Your posts are too long winded and never have anything that I personally want to read or check out - and have probably already bought a year ago - or would just never buy. I feel your fashion opinion is biased to a small group of your designer friends or people who are paying you off with h0r skirts and bad hair.
I don't enjoy reading your posts because its always the same name drops and generic products that I'm never interested. I actually try to scroll past your posts to see if anyone else has posted anything. Most times they haven't so I do have to congratulate you on carrying the weight of the whole blog on your own shoulders - I could never do that.
I will say though - if no one else will stand up and out post you - I will. I will make sure that my daily post contains things wich go outside your tiny box of your idea of fashion and barbie-mindedness will be matched against my smart mouth, fast wit, feminism, and overall hate for that which is the 'norm'.
Consider this a call to arms.
Sincerely-
The Non Ass Kissing Blogger
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Jive Talkin'Alright. So I was hanging out with Xaria on the backend of the island. She was busy building on a new 'chill' area when I saw dots on the minimap. Yeah I'm quite the nosey bugger so I turned off my camera constraints and panned over. OMGWTFBBQ. Holy Whores Batman. Mind you, this is a PG sim now - and there are these three .. ladies (and I use that term loosely) shopping in our friend Dnel's store.
Now whatever kinks, fetishes, lies, secrets, inbreeding you've done -want to do- or currently doing is fine with me. But really? I'd appreciate not having it rammed down my throat in public. I have absolutely nothing against lesbians, transgender or anything -- until its in my face. That might 'sound' a bit hipocritical but it isn't.
I don't fondle my husband in public. I don't even kiss him in public. I don't talk about my political points of view - or my opinions of religion. I don't wear things that I think others would find offensive on a personal level EVER. Not even in SL.
Alright so I didn't really find all this offensive - but I did find it highly unnecessary. Not to mention that as ADULTS it was decided to make the sim PG to cut down on rediculous behavior. But I'm afraid that in some place someone would have. Me? I found it hilarious. So funny in fact I took a picture! These girls .. well... the picture will speak for itself:
In Other NewsWell there really isn't any other news, really. I ran about SL looking at coloful sparkly things. I was going to play WoW but my head hurt so I opted not to. Keith and I hung out with Jade Opel last night on her new islands and its simply amazing. It was really pretty and it was fun to just hang out and be candid.
Me at Gypsy Moon
All those girls seem to be tan, long hair, and very very slender. That's fine, I guess but where's the variety? This kind of 'woman' isn't all that SL has - but it seems its such a cornered market. They even had a pageant for a Post 6 Grrl. I would never EVER even get a second glance in a pageant like that I'd betcha. Why? Because I'd be that 'weird' one that stuck out.
Pr0nI also got a wild hair and sent an IM to Marilyn Murphy. I hopped over to the Herald and took a peek at some of her Post 6 Grrls. Now is it just me or do they all look the same? Same features, rather similar hair/clothes etc? Anyway - they all seemed the same to me so I shot her an IM and said "Hey I'm different and I'll show my pixel poon just to break the monotony". Ok that isn't an exact quote from the IM but you get my drift.
All those girls seem to be tan, long hair, and very very slender. That's fine, I guess but where's the variety? This kind of 'woman' isn't all that SL has - but it seems its such a cornered market. They even had a pageant for a Post 6 Grrl. I would never EVER even get a second glance in a pageant like that I'd betcha. Why? Because I'd be that 'weird' one that stuck out.
So yeah I contacted Marilyn. Normally I'm against the whole avatar nudity thing - but damn that column needs some spice from the purple isle if ya ask me! Imagine the comments a naked purple av will get. None too nice I'd imagine, but hey I'm not doing it for an esteem booster. I'm just doing it to throw a wrench in things.
Me STILL at Gypsy Moon
Me STILL at Gypsy MoonWell I guess that's all for now. I have a dental appointment tomorrow morning to finish up exams so I can leave the country. Hopefully I won't need anything else and my visa will come in soon! *crosses fingers*
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Had some time to myself and thought I'd just get a few of my thoughts down. Not for any real reason other than going back and reading over them when I had a few more moments to myself at another time.
Lately (the past couple weeks) I've felt a bit off. I'm not sure if its being here in Keith's hometown with him or not ... but I can definitely agree with it being my setting that's effecting my mood. Oh well enough of this I'm just going to get right to it otherwise I'll be sitting here all day.
I feel ugly. In a whole, ugly. I don't exactly know what's made me feel this way - but I have a few ideas. I've never felt so self conscious as I have the past few weeks. If I could wrap a parachute around myself and it hide all of my body I'd be perfectly happy with that.
Keith and I were in the city the other day - and there were lots of girls running around in what I have dubbed 'things I used to wear'. I was never a trend-setter. I was the thrift store shopper that piled on clothes into what my parents called The Bag Lady Look ... but evidently its popular here. ANYWAY. I felt strange seeing these girls around 25 (my age) wearing things I wore when I was 17. Of course Keith didn't know me then and simply saw it as cute and said "ya know you could totally still wear that stuff .. and besides its cute!" So we went to a thrift store and I was scared to death.
He kept walking off saying "You find your look .. I'm gonna walk around in this bright pink flamingo shirt and be awesome". I found all sorts of things that I would have happily worn 7 years ago .. but I couldn't force myself to even give them a second glance because all I thought of was how huge my tits are .. or how thick my waist is .. and I just couldn't do it.
I think Keith figured out something was up ... in the car he said 'You're beautiful' .. but even though I felt he meant it .. Its like I didn't really hear him say that. I heard the words come out of his mouth - but in my head I added stuff to it like: You're beautiful ... when no other women are around. or You're beautiful ... any time I have a boner.
I know I know its all so far fetched and stupid but I'm just hitting this 'emo' thing right now and I'm not sure why. I am sure, though, that it will pass and everything will get back to normal. In other news: I am wearing a skirt today.
SONG OF THE DAY!
Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap (Ugh I love this woman!)
Lately (the past couple weeks) I've felt a bit off. I'm not sure if its being here in Keith's hometown with him or not ... but I can definitely agree with it being my setting that's effecting my mood. Oh well enough of this I'm just going to get right to it otherwise I'll be sitting here all day.
I feel ugly. In a whole, ugly. I don't exactly know what's made me feel this way - but I have a few ideas. I've never felt so self conscious as I have the past few weeks. If I could wrap a parachute around myself and it hide all of my body I'd be perfectly happy with that.
Keith and I were in the city the other day - and there were lots of girls running around in what I have dubbed 'things I used to wear'. I was never a trend-setter. I was the thrift store shopper that piled on clothes into what my parents called The Bag Lady Look ... but evidently its popular here. ANYWAY. I felt strange seeing these girls around 25 (my age) wearing things I wore when I was 17. Of course Keith didn't know me then and simply saw it as cute and said "ya know you could totally still wear that stuff .. and besides its cute!" So we went to a thrift store and I was scared to death.
He kept walking off saying "You find your look .. I'm gonna walk around in this bright pink flamingo shirt and be awesome". I found all sorts of things that I would have happily worn 7 years ago .. but I couldn't force myself to even give them a second glance because all I thought of was how huge my tits are .. or how thick my waist is .. and I just couldn't do it.
I think Keith figured out something was up ... in the car he said 'You're beautiful' .. but even though I felt he meant it .. Its like I didn't really hear him say that. I heard the words come out of his mouth - but in my head I added stuff to it like: You're beautiful ... when no other women are around. or You're beautiful ... any time I have a boner.
I know I know its all so far fetched and stupid but I'm just hitting this 'emo' thing right now and I'm not sure why. I am sure, though, that it will pass and everything will get back to normal. In other news: I am wearing a skirt today.
SONG OF THE DAY!
Goodnight and Go by Imogen Heap (Ugh I love this woman!)
Say goodnight and go
Skipping beats, flashing jeeps
I am struggling
Daydreaming, been sitting, the corner cafe
And I'm left in bits, recovered tectonic, trembling
You get me everytime
Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
Follow you home
You've got your headphones on
And your dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot
You're taking everything off
Watch the curtains, wide open
And you fall in the same routine
Flicking through the TV
Relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone
Oh why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
One of these days
You'll miss your train, and come stay with me
It's always say goodnight and go
We'll have drinks and talk about things
And any excuse to stay awake with you
You'd sleep here, I'd sleep there
But then the heating may be down again
At my convenience
We'd be good, we'd be great together
Go
Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
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